this might get too long and neurotic and juvenile sounding, but i apologize. it's late and this is keeping me from sleep.
i'm in my late 20s. i meet this girl through work back in december, by the end of the month i realize i'm pretty into her. i try to find time to hang out, help her out, etc. one thing i do is hook her up with a room in a house i had recently also sublet my room in. she's not really into me, but i'm into putting in the time. winter went by pretty fast with nothing to write home about. we hung out every now and then... she wasn't into me, i had other things to concern myself with. until spring. then i'm officially on my way to moving back into my old room... to move into the room next door to hers. i figure any hook up/relationship beyond friendship won't be an option, i'll get over it. well it certainly wasn't an option, but i never got over it, in fact i'm more into her than ever, and here it is september. in the mean time, a week before i move in i find out she's just started seeing a former roommate/co-worker/sorta-friend of mine... that was a bit rough. it lasted a couple months and then he broke it off. she came to me for consolation, and i played the good friend... and generally suffered for it as she moved on. had to listen to her have consolation sex with another friend of mine through the thin wall. it was absolutely agonizing, but i still found my feelings returning soon after... and really any time i see her. she was single all summer though and we had plenty of good times but i'm constantly feeling the need to tell her how i truly feel... but i'm her roommate, so there's no way that can end well. i know how she treats guys who come on too strong, and i certainly don't want that. i respect her right to choose whoever she wants, and know i have no right to interfere... but i do have my own feelings to consider, though i suppose i generally don't put them first. i just sort of hoped my good nature might build some sort of credit and i could bide my time and... who knows. then i found out she's moving out next month, which is great for me, despite her trying to get me to move into the new house as well and continue as cool roommate, a status i need to move beyond. obviously i'm not doing it. then she tells me she's into a friend of mine... which i sort of blew off to save myself the emotional trouble. well she just made her move the other night... and i came to realize the full extent of what that relationship would mean to me. it obviously hurts to see her with someone else, despite my desire for her and my friend's happiness and my understanding that she has every right to choose people in her life. but this new guy is in my close cirlce of friends, so if i want to hang out with them, it's likely the two will be there as a new couple... i have to either completely get over my feelings or quit my friends. the answer seems simple, move on, but losing the feelings just doesn't feel possible. i only have 3 weeks until she's out of the house and the situation becomes marginally more ignorable.. but that sounds horrible. i want to tell her how much i care about her, that i want to be with her, but i fear the almost guaranteed awkward ramifications. more than that i just want to tell her how awkward her new relationship is for me, but that requires explaining my feelings as well... catch 22. now what? i've wanted her for so long it's got to be worth something... i've got to get somewhere... but i just have never had the proper chance to make a play. it's been tearing me up too long. i don't know how to make myself clear, relieve my current stress about it, not ruin the friendship, not ruin any other friendships, and make the next month and beyond less awkward for myself... and maybe someday even succeed with her. if you've made it all the way through this i thank you, hope you understand and hope there's some reasonable answer.