Why is he doing this? Is he really over it all?

[Amb]

My ex bf and I had been dating for a year. He is 26 and I am 22. We loved each other very much. We had a wonderful time together. He said he has never felt this way before with anyone else and I felt the same. We moved in together. It was all well until I started feeling the pressure and stress from it all. I started acting distant and doubting it all. It affected him very much. One day we had an argument and I said somethings I regret very much. I told him I didn't see where this relationship was headed. I apologized and explained I was confused. He was still hurt. He took some time that weekend away from me at his mom's. The night he left I was so confused and hurt that he left. I felt like he had already given up. Later he said he just thought I needed time. I put some of his things together for him to pick up since he was gone. He took it like I was kicking him out. I believe he still had a choice to talk to me, but it was too late. He gave up on us. He left and I apologized and explained what was going on. I know it wasn't right. It was immature and selfish of me, but I didn't realize what I had done until it was too late. I was just so confused. I pretty much begged him to come home, but he said it was too late. I had already hurt him and he didn't want to go through that again. Some time has passed and I am done justifying my actions. I have apologized endlessly. He said he forgives me, but that I don't know what it feels like to want to be with someone who has done this to you. I am willing to work on us because the love I feel is so great. I just don't see why he won't if he claims to love me. I have told him I am done begging and if he ever feels like talking to me he will have to look for me. I doubt he will. He is trying to push me away and any good memories we had together. He won't agree to see me. I believe it is because he still misses me. The last time we saw each other he said he wasn't ready to see me and we both cried a bit. When I told him I was done trying to be with him because of his ambivalence towards me and how it was affecting me he freaked out and said I never loved him. It is like he is trying to keep me tied in this situation. The last thing he said to me is that he doesn't want me to hate him because he could never hate me and he wants me to be happy. The way I feel know is what does it even matter if he hates me or I hate him?

[michelle23]

You have already done all you can. He is being stubborn. Dont contact him again. Youve already made your feelings clear and you told him to come to you if he changes his mind. You need to leave it there. If he really loves you-he will be back. He sounds immature tho but maybe hes just hurt.

The ball is in his court now and if he wants you he knows where you are. Dont contact him at all for a month- if you here nothing- you need to accept its over and move on.

I think you moved in together too soon tbh. This nearly always happens if you rush it but hopefully hdll come back

[Amb]

I agree with everything you just said. At the time it didn't feel rushed, but maybe it was too much for us to handle. It is hard not to contact him because I miss him so much and I the same time feel like it is my fault. I feel very guilty. He knows how guilty I feel. I am on an emotional rollercoaster where at times I feel fine and then I quickly feel depressed again. I am very heartbroken and I believe he is too. I agree, he is hurt and being stubborn. He is a very sensitive person, but can be so mean. There is not much I can do anymore it is just taking a while for me to realize it. Everyone is telling me to move on, but it is hard to do. I feel very empty without him.

[HeartIsAching]

In the current situation, he's got all sorts of power over you. He can keep punishing you without really forgiving you, and if you try to escape, he gets to accuse you of never loving you. Lots of entertainment for him.

What're you getting out of it?

[Amb]

I am not getting much out of him at all at this point. He doesn't want to move forward with me. He says he needs time. I have pretty much given up on the idea he will return, but there is a small part inside that still has some hope. He only sees what I have done to him, but I am not sure if he will ever realize what he is doing to me or even the part he took in the whole situation. I do not blame him. I really feel like I had my own issues, but I am willing to work on those things. He says he is really hurt by at all. Maybe I just need to move on and let him come around if he ever decides to. It is very hard to accept it all. It is hard to deny the way I feel. Thanks all for lending an ear.

[michelle23]

I think you should give it a month and then give it one last shot but tell him in no uncertain terms that this is the last time you will apologize and ask him to come back. Its now or never and if he is still refusing to talk-you need to accept he is either too immature and too stupid to realize he is throwing it all away or he is taking the easy way out and blaming you as he doesn't want you anymore.

This is all you can do OP. Wait 1 month-no more and no less. Contact him, apologize, say I want you back but its now or never and this is the last time i will try and then if he cannot give you a straight answer-you need to tell yourself it is his loss and move on.

He is 26-If he is committed to you-he should stop acting like a bloody child, accept it was just a fight/rough patch and come home so you can work it out. If he is going to react this way every time something goes wrong-you are better off without him.

[toknow]

You are not doing enough to fix this, and I'll tell you why. Stop apologizing and start communicating and showing commitment and love. Love is the only thing that will fix this. He is hurt, and you hurt him further when you say to him, I'm only going to do so much to fix this. You are sending him mixed messages. You are saying I'm sorry I didn't mean it, but then you won't go all the way to prove it. You have to do all you can to explain why you did what you did and you need to do it in a way that shows you love for him. He at the least is very much into you, it shows by how much he is hurt from this. The more in love someone is, the more sensitive they become toward the other person. His reaction shows your interactions matter to him on a very deep/sensitive level. Don't miss out on this. If he didn't get hurt by what you did, you should be worried for the state of your relationship and you should be wondering if he cares for you. His being hurt is a very good sign, of his commitment to the relationship. The reason he is hurt is because he sees your lack of love for him. Now you have to show your love to fix this. Love is patient. Love never fails.

It is not that common that you get someone so emotionally involved and sensitive in the relationship. This is what you want, someone for whom you and your actions matter and affect them on a big scale, and who is responsive to you. That is a person who, wants to know how you feel, what you think, why and how you do things, who wants to know you. One day you might be stuck with someone for whom your actions mean nothing, but who likes being with you and enjoys it, but trust me you will not be appreciated, understood, and he will not know you on a deep level.

You must appreciate that he can appreciate you.

[michelle23]

On the other hand toknow-if his love was that strong he would accept her apology. She begged him to come home and he still said no. She needs to give him time and space first

[toknow]

See, he is not coming home to her because her apologies are not what he needs. He needs to see love. The apologies don't necessarily show love - you can apologize to someone you are dumping. And this is what is happening, he is getting the idea she is apologizing for not loving him enough. That will hurt him even more, it's not going to make him want to come back. Only love can fix this.

[michelle23]

OP if you feel as if he doesn't know that you really love him, your sorry and you want him back-then tell him. If you've already done that then give it some time.

[Amb]

From what he has told me he wants both of those things. He needs space but also wants me to show him I love him. It leaves me in a tough spot because IDK what the right thing to do is anymore. I wish I could tell him I love him everyday show him I'm still here, but a lot of times he ignores me. It hurts very much. It leaves me feeling hopeless. I told him this and he claims I am negative and have no hope for the future. I really do hope he realizes one day before it is too late that he loves me and wants to be with me.

[toknow]

Yes, it's not going to be that easy. By saying he needs space he is saying he needs to be far away from the situation that hurt him - he doesn't need space from you or your love. (If he didn't get hurt by what you did, you should not be surprised if he wanted space from you.)

You broke his trust in you. He doesn't think you love him. It will take effort for him to believe you love him. It's not gonna happen with, just saying I love you, a lot. Persistence is the key. And when you give your love, don't expect anything in return. Over time he will see, it's real. You can fix this easily, with care and love, but it has to be real, and if it is real it will persist and it will be obvious, he will not be able to overlook it.

[Amb]

I don't know how to. He has to agree to accept my love before I can. Right now it seems like he is not receptive to anything I tell him. He wants to tell me how much I hurt him. That's all he tells me. That's why I apologize so much because he brings it up almost every time we talk. I need to give him his space. He knows I love him and knows this is killing me that is why I don't understand why he is doing this. He doesn't want to see me. He doesn't want to talk on the phone. He is crawling into a shell and I can't get through to him. It is hard to persist when you are shut down each time. The reason I persist is because I know that man loves me and I hurt him. I would do anything for him.

[Amb]

I think you should give it a month and then give it one last shot but tell him in no uncertain terms that this is the last time you will apologize and ask him to come back. Its now or never and if he is still refusing to talk-you need to accept he is either too immature and too stupid to realize he is throwing it all away or he is taking the easy way out and blaming you as he doesn't want you anymore.

This is all you can do OP. Wait 1 month-no more and no less. Contact him, apologize, say I want you back but its now or never and this is the last time i will try and then if he cannot give you a straight answer-you need to tell yourself it is his loss and move on.

He is 26-If he is committed to you-he should stop acting like a bloody child, accept it was just a fight/rough patch and come home so you can work it out. If he is going to react this way every time something goes wrong-you are better off without him.

I feel this way too. It makes me angry at times because he is refusing to even give our relationship a chance when it really matters. I feel so many emotions. I know the only important thing is that I love him. I don't believe our relationship is ruined. I am afraid he believes it is. I have told him pretty much everything you have mentioned in this post. All he tells me is I don't understand how much I have hurt him. It is really a bad situation that I wish I would have never put us through. He is really sensitive and I should have known better. I can't go back in time all I can do is work on focusing on the future. It also makes me wonder how he will react when we are hit with even tougher challenges. Sometimes it makes me believe this is for the better and maybe I should move on. It is really hard. I don't think I have ever tried so hard for something in my life and I have been through a lot of pain and had to really struggle.

[michelle23]

begging, apologizing, clinging and hoping will just push him further away. He cant have both space and love. He can choose one or the other. He is being childish. He needs to grow the f up before he loses you for good. If he is being this ridiculous-give him an ultimatum. How the hell are you supposed to prove anything if he wont come back. He hasnt even given you a chance to try and talk openly. I think you have done all you can and it is not fair for him to punish you this way.

you are not a serial killer, you did not cheat on him, you didn't call his mother a cow. you never set out to hurt him. He needs to grow a pair and stop acting like a big girls blouse