Hi everyone. I broke up with my bf a few moths ago though it didn't start sticking til two weeks ago when we completely stopped communicating. Throughout these months of wanting it to be over, I never really got to process the breakup for myself. I was concerned about him because I knew he'd take it hard, and though I don't want to be with him, I also eventually really do want him to be okay and realize we were just not meant to be in the long term (we dated for 1.5yrs and talked a lot about marriage, but I stopped seeing a future for us).
Now I feel so alone, especially with the holidays here and many friends at their significant others' families houses, etc. I talked to my bf all the time before things went south. Loneliness is partiallywh y I think I got into that relationship which eventually had no future, and I don't want to get into another bad one (I really want to find someone mature and established as I am, to settle down with once I'm over him my recent ex... Though I know that may take a long while). But I also don't know how to deal with the loneliness and general sadness,e ven though I've spent most of my life before him on my own and very independent and sometimes lonely but never unbearably so. I've never been in a meaningful relationship before so even though I'm in my late 20s, I feel lost now. I'm reading and watching TV a lot but I keep isolating myself. I don't regret the breakup, since I know we wouldn't have worked in the long run, but now that I finally have head space to myself, I keep thinking of all the good times (he was great but it felt like a late-bloomer early-relationship for me, now that I think about it) and all the text messages and emails even when we weren't physically together, so I rarely felt lonely. All of a sudden now, I do, which then gets me really down even when people invite me to hang out with them, etc.
I not sure if i even have a question here or if I'm just getting this off my chest so to speak, but if anyone has any words of wisdom ore ven some sympathy or similar feelings, maybe that could help?