Originally Posted by
tiff_2005_any
Do all guys go through this? He says that I don't understand what its like to be a guy. and I don't. But I want to try and understand and learn and make this work.
That's total bullsh*t..
It's an all-too-convenient excuse on his part (and cheap) to throw the "you don't know what it's like because you're not one of my gender" thing your way..
I hate to break it to you.., but you don't need to be a guy to know how guys work..
He hasn't had sex with as many girls as he maybe wanted to in his life.., or perhaps the quality of women he's had sex with hasn't satisfied him.. (He hasn't had sex with enough 10's.., or 9's.., or maybe even 8's) And now it's starting to kick in.., He's 29 and thinking.. "If I get married.., I'll get old and never have fcuked all these gorgeous women in my lifetime.., every other guy will have crazy stories to tell at the family BBQs.., and I'll be the loser who just smiles and nods"
I do want to be clear.., this has absolutely NOTHING to do with you.., don't let this hit your self esteem at all (ambitious statement.., I know) and try your best to not take this personally (again.., very ambitious statement).. It's not the case that you don't sexually satisfy him.., and it's not the case that you're not beautiful or sexy enough for him.. I at least want to get that out there.., and that's the honest truth!
The only thing that's going on.., is social conditioning kicking in.., in the US.., a man's concept of "masculine" or "manliness" is directly related to how many quality women he's slept with.. He may not even be that horny.., but he'll say he is.., because it's the manly thing to do.., even if a woman doesn't really move him.., he'll feel compelled to fcuk her.., because it compliments him masculine identity.. It makes him feel better about himself.., not that he's good in sex.., not that he's good-looking.., but that he's just more of a man..
It takes a couple of lays before a guy looks back on all of this and realizes how boyish.., childish.., stupid.., unproductive.., and what a wasteful allocation of time it all was.. Your boyfriend hasn't reached that lay threshold yet.. (don't say that to him.., or else you might insult him.., even that's maybe exactly what you want to do at this point)
If you both sit down one day.., and you explain to him that in all honesty.., you do respect him.., and he is free to do what he wants to do.., but he can't hit the "rewind" or "undo" button on life.., the choices he makes.., or how he makes you feel.. And that after he's acted on his "urges".., it may come the time where he realizes it's too late to change things..
Have him see himself there.., in that situation.., let him think about it.., if it's worth it.., let him discover and see for himself (in a non-offensive or pressuring way) if it's what he wants to do..
If he's honest enough to himself.., a strong enough character.., and understanding enough to listen to what you have to say.., then he'll see what you're talking about.., and you can definitely work this little bump in the relationship out..
If he's not.., then you've said what you've had to say.., and these lack of qualities is not something you need from someone you're in a relationship with.. Let them be your cue to make your exit..
Best,
GrkScorp
If you can't stop the Wind, then you can't stop the Storm.