Person I loved most in world in a way has hurt me so bad, I feel like less than worthless. Been in a complicated relationship, LDR one, for last few years, only by several hours, but for some far enough that you cannot drive weekdays and have to phone email weekdays, and only get chance to see a sat part of sunday and only every 2nd week. Not imp. but explaining us. So 2 years ago almost we broke up out of an actual engagement, ldr was hard, and we were younger. Stayed close, always loved, soulmates, I felt.
I gave ring back at break because felt wrong keeping like some women do. But our intimacy never left us, were intimate on phone, in mails on chat all of it long after break, and weirdly enough only with one another, with occasional once a month then meet ups. Not **** buddies, still love buddies. We had a big fight over 8 days ago, been strained, he went further away to his families so distance got further away and still had some contact, but I was told something from someone in his town that bothered me, because we fought again he said he would need to think, and then next time we talked on chat only 4 mins in he said about turning a certain age and made himself promises and I didnt know what he meant, and he said I asked someone out, I found someone I like and asked out and want to date, time to move on and he said time to move like 30 times to me, it was a blindside, because nothing about dating others was ever discussed I always thought he thought we'd either have me move there or inbetween and both move, not break up and date others he is only person I have loved and been with for yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeears. I'm crushed. I got furious, felt betrayed, came out of nowhere, I felt he must have met and one night sexd someone drunk or not and liked it and because they live there wants to date them and is trashing me like I was nothing. I had to log out couldn't see to read because crying so much I actually vomitted at computer desk.
Next day he sends me an email from his work address, saying he needs time and wants a break and he will contact me when ready, so basically saying you mean **** all to me, piss off bitch I wanted to call, text, email chat, anything, even go there.
But I feel like a sad **** if I reach out is so onsided and I feel like I lost my everything and could kill myself it hurts so bad, I loved him so much and I don't want him kissing another having sex marrying having a family with person I never stopped loving, I feel like he did this to hurt me because years ago I hurt when distance was hurting us. But that we both discussed, this came from no where. His words were I now met someone, I like them and want to date them. NO sorry, no nothing. Like all this time working back to us was nothing but him wasting time until he found a dream girl, better than me and then happily shits on me as comeuppance. I am sure he was on date last night, I sat home and cried. What can I do not to contact him, to resist urge to reach out, to occupy mind and comfort my pain? I feel alone, and it hurts. I think his male friends wanted him to have a gf there for all of them to go to festivals and movies together, not me over here. I've never dated anyone since him, not once, never kissed another man, nothing intimate was still loyal to one who held my heart. Why did he hurt me so coldly way he did, why not ease into it, or call me or drive up and tell me? why over a chat and so abruptly?