friendly vs. interested

[mikwat]

So it seems like I've mistaken friendlyness for interest twice lately, so I thought it would be a good idea to ask about some differences and the ways to tell the difference.

[Junket]

Where in Pennsylvania are you from?

[vashti]

^ that was friendliness.

If a girl is intersted, she will probably touch you a lot... not sexually, but just touchy, you know? I don't touch people I'm not attracted to.

[GrkScorp]

depends if she's a kitty-kat or a cougar.. a girl or a woman.. (not talking about age)

cats:

Doesn't Like You: Overly nice, polite, looks around alot (side to side), doesn't re-initiate conversation, is distant, won't call you (won't answer your calls EVER)

Likes You: not as distant, still slightly nice, not so formal, keeps eye contact, looks around (down on the floor), smiles more often and eyes open up more, won't call you (but will answer your calls after the first 1-2 calls "this is her kitty-kat hard-to-get tactic")

cougars:

Doesn't Like You: Simply ignores you, doesn't make eye contact, finds reasons to leave (bathroom, dance, phone, friends, etc), body is shifted away from your direction, might even tell you to "fcuk off", will make an excuse to not give you her number OR will give you a fake number

Likes You: (Interest only; exclusive of attraction) She tests you "women who are not interested in you won't bother testing you!" (1. Will she get you to brag for her? 2. Will you react to her interest in you? 3. Will you react to her disinterest in you? 4. Will you explain yourself/say sorry? 5. Will you supplicate (do/buy stuff for her)? 6. Will you get intimidated by her sh*t-tests?) "when you pass her tests, she'll grow more interested" she'll start looking at your eyes more, re-initiates the conversation when it slows down, asks you questions (age, job, interests, family, goals, etc), touches you playfully, smiles, facial expression softens, relaxed body language, inviting body language (women are masters of manipulation, her body will shift in such a way that it will almost be impossible to NOT touch her), when you touch she welcomes your touch, laughs and giggles at your jokes (even the ones that aren't funny), doesn't make excuses to leave, doesn't cut into your conversational threads (polite), autoerotic gestures (stroking her arms, hair, ears, neck, legs, hands with her fingers), voice inflection gets sharper, will insist on getting your number, will give you her number and won't call you until you call her first, after you call her, she'll call you after 1-3 days to seem like she has a life, then she'll call you back to once again test if you will grow comfortable to her calling you all the time (only a boy would do that), or if you will take control and do the calling yourself (being the man).. (don't do this right away though, because you may imply that she's too valuable to you, creepy, needy, desperate, unattractive!)

Really Likes You: (strong interest, attraction) stops testing you, initiates touch, initiates conversation in which she will try to subtley brag about herself, sexually teases you (but still won't take the lead, this is her last test to see if you're the man and will take control of things; so think of it as an invitation)..

What's the exact situation? If you give us some details to work with, maybe we can give you some more valuable & useful information..

[mikwat]

^ that was friendliness.

If a girl is intersted, she will probably touch you a lot... not sexually, but just touchy, you know? I don't touch people I'm not attracted to.

they both did some touching, the one turned out to have a boyfriend and the other just wants to be friends now. Hence the confusion.

[Junket]

Philadelphia?

[vashti]

they both did some touching, the one turned out to have a boyfriend and the other just wants to be friends now. Hence the confusion.

They were just flirting, then. All bets are off when they are working in pairs. Don't be upset; it's okay to just enjoy the experience, even if it is short-lived. It's good practice for you, too.

[Only-virgins]

I would just use my instinct. Anyways, Any suspicion that she may be interested you should just ask or attempt to find out anyways. It is better to get rejected than never try right?

asks you questions (age, job, interests, family, goals, etc),

I hate those questions! They anger me. I have been asked those things all the time. I think that is the test I fail...I ignore the hell out of those questions. Except age and family..

[mikwat]

Philadelphia?

Sorry about that. Pottstown area.

[vashti]

I hate those questions! They anger me. [....] I ignore the hell out of those questions. Except age and family..

Why? Can't you answer them?

[Gigabitch]

There's a fine distinction, mikwat, and it's been confusing guys for millennia. I have no doubt cavemen were baffled by this.

Some girls just throw a kind of blanket flirt over every room they enter, just because they like the attention. Can you blame them? Flirting is fun.

The older they get, the more they learn to knock it off because they begin to rack up experiences that are not so pleasant- like disappointing nice guys like you, or worse, having really pushy, creepy guys get the wrong idea.

Until you get older, though, it's kind of a crap shoot. I wish you luck.

[GrkScorp]

Why? Can't you answer them?

I'll get back to this one.. have to run right now.. but I have a great recent example; actually two, on how to answer these questions and blow them out of the water.. nothing too hard.. in fact it's very easy and simple.. common sense.. it'll blow you away once you see how easy and intuitive it is..

[GrkScorp]

I hate those questions! They anger me. I have been asked those things all the time. I think that is the test I fail...I ignore the hell out of those questions. Except age and family..

First of all, it's not really a TEST (at least not a subconscious one).. She just wants to know that there's no age difference that she can't live with, or that you have a respectable job and make enough money, etc.. She wouldn't care if she didn't like you, but she's testing the possibility of a relationship with you..

Strategy:

1. Bust her balls, don't give in, make her work and actively dig for the answer
2. Don't "one-line" or "short answer" any question, even age! Make it into a story by which she can relate to you, your life, and her life (builds connection)

Her: How old are you?
You: Well, people usually tell me I come off as 12, but I can look as old as 80
Her: Haha! No seriously..
You: No seriously.. humor me and take a guess.. how old do you think I am?
Her: #
You: Really?!? (Act offended, think of this as a male-sh*t-test to suck her into your frame) Why would you say that?
Her: (Reason) So how old are you? (Never give up the info, she has to work for it! If she doesn't really want to know, tough luck, you're not telling; notice, this also filters the "girls" from the "women")
You: Interesting, well i'm actually # (don't let this hang, use it to go back to her reason and let her explain herself, or stack onto some other story that's preferably funny, etc)

Her: So, what do you do?
You: Well, I do a lot of things (pause)
Her: Like what?
You: (end pause, breath out) When I was in HS, I loved to talk, but I hated reading. My English teachers hated me, I would always go on Sparknotes and ruin each book we had to read, I just couldn't wait to find out what would happen, I wanted it all short & simple, spoon-fed to me, the meaning, the symbolism, everything. But what's interesting is that when I talked, it was like I was telling a story. I would never get right to the point, I would always take people into this journey, much like a book. And this was good in one way, because the only people which would stick around and understand me, or had the patience to listen to me where usually very interesting, fun, and creative people, so I always had really amazing friends (negotiation technique, you're giving her ego-motivation to listen and follow your story so she can feel interesting, fun & creative). And that's when I started to get into writing. I loved to develop a story and keep some things a mystery as the story went along, I would let it slowly unwind and build up, let the reader discover things on the way, extract meanings in the symbols I left or the choice of words I used; and going into college, I wanted to be a writer.
Her: So what happened? What do you do now? (notice the interest)
You: I got to college and I took a ton of courses which claimed to help with writing; English, Political Science, Philosophy, you name it, but I wasn't interested, I just didn't feel it. Then I had to take this Economics course for some requirement, and around the second class, something clicked! I knew that this is what I wanted to do. This was a brand new way of thinking, it was logical, and you could apply it to anything, not just business and government, but how people interact between eachother. I realized then that it wasn't "writing" that I liked, I loved to argue. (Stack onto Economics & Business, how it led to wanting to know more so you learned more Accounting & Finance, then chose to go to Law School & study Taxation & Securities where there was a lot of wiggle room to find creative solutions to complex and unique problems, etc.. and you just turned the two most boring occupations on earth into this amazing story & personal journey about yourself)
Her: Wow! (that was a genuine wow, she's really speachless and in awe, it's not a polite "filler" wow where she's bored out of her mind)
You: So how did you start off and where are you now? (you're asking her to spell out the same journey; this builds connection, and they usually do so.. it's fun, interesting, and gets you both talking for over 10 minutes; plus it makes her feel good about herself, which means she's having fun just being around you)

So, follow this same framework and you can litterally find yourself trying to stop talking when she asks you about your "family" (can you begin to imagine how open-ended this is? how many stories you can think of? it's almost endless)

Don't be the guy who answers

- 23
- CPA & Law Student
- 1 younger brother

That guy is boring; be the guy who offers her the chance to take a journey with him via conversation; explore his life, connect with him, and re-explore her own life.. it's a mental journey, a neural vacation.. and when she thinks back on it, she'll rationalize that she met a wonderful, interesting, fun guy who she connected with..

[vashti]

I wouldn't have the patience to wait for your answer, Grk. I would look at your answers as evasive, meaning you are trying to hide something. I avoid people who are hiding something. I would also think you talk too much.

[bloodtippedrose]

lol wow. When guys are cute and I want them, I initiate touching, give them a hug or rub thier hand when they high-five me or whatever.
Anyway if a guy is a sweetheart (and I dont want a relationship with him) then it doesnt matter if he tells me he's been in jail, it doesnt change that he's sweet. Some questions you ask guys are like pulling their teeth.
The age question made me laugh. the last guy that wouldnt give up his age so easily I found out it was because he was 32 and flirting with me, a 19 year old.. lucky for him that didnt matter much for me.

GO GIANTS