Well, this is the first time I’ve ever put anything on a forum, but I’m afraid I’m going to lose my mind and want to ask for some advice. I am a 59 year old man, divorced after all the children had grown, and have been with a beautiful lady for about a year now. She’s 47, so I’m a bit older, but we’re both mature and I’m very healthy, so we seem to match well. She was married for ten years, but has been divorced for the last 12 years. For the first five years after her divorce she dated a man and was seriously thinking of marrying him, but she had a life crisis come up in 2002 and didn’t see him for a couple of months. He thought she was ignoring him and he started seeing another woman. Well, she was devastated and broke up any possibility for marriage, and the guy moved in with the other woman. HOWEVER, they have remained very good friends – she would say he is her best friend – all these years since. She has a pet name for him (as he has for her) and whenever she refers to him she uses his pet name. She talks to him on the phone every day, and they get together about every other week. Kay lives with her parents, and he usually comes to the house to have a meal and chat, so I absolutely believe it IS a platonic relationship. He’s a lot richer than I and occasionally they go out to expensive restaurants. He also occasionally buys her expensive gifts. Kay insists that even if I wasn’t in the picture she still would not marry him, but this guy (who is not living with anyone any longer) has never given up the dream that she will some day marry him. Kay has not told him about us, although she is very honest with me about her relationship with him.
I know Kay still loves this man, and she agrees she does, but says she doesn’t have romantic love for him, but he is important in her life. She says I’m the only man in the world she has any desire to marry (and we’re making plans for this) and I believe her. In fact, until I fell in love with this woman almost over a year ago, I never knew people could experience the kind of love I have for her.
Now here’s the rub. I believe she loves me deeply, and I believe her when she says Doug is only a special friend, but IT DRIVES ME CRAZY that they talk every day on the phone and see each other regularly. And every time she talks about this guy she lights up and laughs about something he said. I never felt this kind of jealousy before in my life. Someone please tell me something that will make me stop feeling this stupid jealousy and accept this in her life.