I ran into my ex, as tends to happen since we live so close by each other. We ended up having a very honest conversation about where things stood in our lives and I need to write it out. All of it. We were talking about his current girlfriend and how they've been together for almost 2 years, and yet he's cheated on her repeatedly. His logic is if you're not living together and you're not married, its okay. So I end up asking if he's in love with her because in my eyes, if you're in love with someone you don't cheat on them. He said to me, "I've said the L word, if thats what you mean. I'm not like, head over heels or anything. I'm just really confused right now." That was the ONE thing he could never say, and he used to tell me all the time, "Its not just you, I've never said it to anyone, I don't think I'll ever be able to say it." He continues by saying, "When I said it, I meant it, but...I dunno if its gonna work out." So my heart, my stupid heart that no longer flutters around this guy, is wondering, "Why her?" and I actually said that aloud. He asked, "Why her as opposed to...you?" and I was honest and said yes. So he said "Because I don't think we work well together in a relationship, but...I dunno. Luckily I can still talk to you." =/
Then he goes on to say he doesn't think it'll end up working out because he's Catholic and she's Jewish and this is NOT meant to offend anyone but merely to explain his commentary. He said, "I can see it not working out because she'd give me a hard time about the kids thing. Because she's Jewish her kids have to be, and I am NOT allowing that. She thinks that they should be Jewish because she is and its like, What I don't even get a say?! And thats like saying you're entitled to get your way and you don't need a reason because you're Jewish. Its such a Jew thing to say." Uh....yeah.
But you love her. And honestly, I didn't feel any feelings towards him like I used to. I haven't in a really long time I'm realizing, but...at the same time, its still heartbreaking to hear how he doesn't think we went well together. Why? Because I wanted to TALK about issues and I wanted to TALK about feelings/emotions and where we stood. I stood up for myself when I wasn't being treated with respect. So thats why I'm just good as a friend because I'm still nice, he can still talk to me/hang out with me, but...as a gf I didn't give in and I didn't let him walk all over me.
So no, I don't think they realize what they lost. I don't think my ex will ever look back and think I was anything special. I don't think years later we'll be meant for each other. And I'm in this negative state right now...so please, be kind, comment away, and please ease this aching in my heart. Its not even about feelings for him, its more about how he just never wanted me back. Ever.