Cheating

[LenE]

My boyfriend & I have been together for a little over a year now. One day, we were talking & I asked him if he ever cheated on me before. @ first he said no, but as we got more into the topic, he said that he did, during the first few weeks of our relationship. He made out with another girl (his "bestfriend"). He didn't tell me at first because he didn't want to hurt my feelings. He said he wasn't in love with me then & didn't know where our relationship was going & regreted it & would never do it again. Even though he cheated on me with her & he says it was only that one time... he still talked to her like 3 times a week & hung out with her when he was with me because they've been friends for a long time, but when he told me he cheated on me with her, he completely cut off his friendship with her to show me that he wouldn't do anything with her again. I don't know if I should stay with him because I was really hurt by this. Should I forgive him & continue our relationship? Or do you think he would do it again because I heard once someone cheats they will do it again... Do you think that's true?

[TAVS]

Forgive and Forget

[DPR417]

Were you two "exclusive" at the time he cheated?

Do you believe that he is sorry and will not do it again?

Because of the timing and what actually happened in my eyes it is not that big of a deal. I do not think I would end a relationship with someone over that. just my opinion.

[funsounds]

I'm DPR...

What was the dynamic of your relationship at that time? People typically don't talk about the boundaries of the relationship when they enter into it...but they should. Those first few weeks of dating...were they exclusive? Did you both know you guys were going forward together exclusively?

Most of the time...when we begin dating someone...there's a turning point, where before that turning point we still entertain the thought of meeting someone...where if you make a connection and the guy/girl gives you their number you keep it. But after the turning point...if that same person tries to give you their number, you let them know you're seeing someone. That turning point point should be talked about and reached together as a couple...so says I, anyway...

[carpflounder]

Forgive him and move on. He may cheat again, but so what? Most guys do.
Get over it.

[TAVS]

Forgive him and move on. He may cheat again, but so what? Most guys do.
Get over it.

Just cause you do doesn't mean most guys do.

[BlueSofa]

At least if you forgive (but don't forget) and he does it again you will be more certain about a decision to leave him.

[carpflounder]

Just cause you do doesn't mean most guys do.

True, people cheat for there own reasons, free of any carp inspiration.

[Carrie]

Forgive him and move on. He may cheat again, but so what? Most guys do.
Get over it.

Now that's total BULLSHIT!

[aripres]

I say forgive him. I mean if he cares enough about hurting you that he has totally cut off his friendship with that other girl whom he has known longer than you then I think that means he really cares about you. It was just a mistake in the begining, at least he was conciterate enough to eventually (even if you did have to ask) tell you about it and then quit talking to her because he knows that it bothers you. TRUST ME not all guys are that conciterate of your feelings. It means something that he isn't talking to her anymore esspecially if he did that on his own!!

[theotherguy0123]

Now that's total BULLSHIT!

Actually according to statistics, he's right...

[Late_vamp]

yea , i want to hear more about ppl's experiences with past cheaters ... maybe not cheaters to you but that you know they have cheated in the past relationship .

for example : my gf cheated on her past bf by going to see her 1st ex ... she never loved the past bf and never did anything with him , just holding hands .
one day she meet up with her ex and they went to watch a movie as "friends" , in the theater he kissed her , after a couple of seconds she realized she was cheating and she pushed him off , then she didnt do shit with him anymore ....

this is all the info she gave me , she could be lying about it also .

so my question is ... do you think she would do it to me if someone of her interest comes around or if something happened ? i dont trust her and im losing love for her really fast .

is it true about : once a cheater always a cheater ?

i personnaly never cheated , i dont want to because i despise liars and cheaters .
i find them to be one of the worst type of ppl in relationship but to be extremely good buisnessmen .

[Carrie]

Actually according to statistics, he's right...

I don't care about statistics. Statistics don't make it right! That's just morally wrong...

Nobody should have to deal with a cheating mate. There's NO forgetting the infadelity! Whether you forgive or not, that will always be in the back of your mind. I must be a rare breed, when I say I will never cheat. I'd end the current relationship first. It's only fair...

[Tiay]

I don't know if I should stay with him because I was really hurt by this. Should I forgive him & continue our relationship? Or do you think he would do it again because I heard once someone cheats they will do it again... Do you think that's true?

If you didn't discuss the boundaries before it happened, I think you should forgive him. Talking about and agreeing on boundaries is a shared responsibility. He gets minus points because he should have brought it up with you before he went and kissed her, but he gets points for not seeing her for you once he realised that you felt the relationship was exclusive, so he seems like a nice enough guy to me. If that isn't enough for you, don't just forgive him because we say you should. Saying "I forgive you" without really meaning it is a horrible thing to do. Whatever you do, don't keep this event for future argument ammunition, that's nasty.

If you feel you can't, ask yourself what needs to happen in order for you to forgive him and trust him in the future? Maybe explaining to him exactly why it upset you will help you feel heard?

Best Wishes with sorting it out

[Junket]

Within' the first few weeks?

Yeah dude, why hold a grudge.

You didn't expect him to marry you within the first few weeks did you?

Damn, don't be such a baby, especially if he was honest with you.

And Carrie, your "kind" aren't rare at all.

So get off your damn high horse.