How do I Support my Recent Ex after Severe Trauma?

[anonymouspsy]

For some context, I'm 21 and she's 20. After dating a year and a half; we broke up 1 month ago but long story short the main cause was a poor living situation; us both living in a single room in my suicidal father's house (he's getting help) far away from civilzation. A lot of little arguments happened that built up over time from the stress of our environment and my solution was us living separately like we were towards the beginning of our relationship because I thought it would be healthier but she said she was unhappy and didn't want to do it anymore.

Sure I still love her, sure I miss the hell out of her and would take her back so we can try again in a healthy environment (us moved away from this depressing island)... But she had something happen to her that's a lot more important than my feelings for her and our past that we had created together.

Two weeks ago, she was spending time with an old friend she trusted and had no suspicion of, and while she was simply trying to sleep she was raped. I cannot fathom the pain she is going through and her lack of trust for everybody around her; I just want to support the girl I love through this hard time without her thinking "Oh you're only trying to offer your hand because you want to get back together". If she asks for some space, how long do I go without checking on her or asking her if she would like to grab a bite or go for a walk in the park? Ultimately, I care more about her happiness, safety, and well being than my romantic feelings for her.

[stuckgirl]

If you are honestly happy supporting her without the intent of getting back together, just tell her that. Say that you care about her, you're not trying to win her back, but that you are there for her to talk to. Let her know you're not going to start calling/texting all the time, but that she can contact you anytime she needs an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on.

But only say this if you actually mean it. If she does take you up on the offer, don't start hitting on her. If there is a chance for you two, let her initiate it (and it could take months/years after her traumatic experience). It is very kind that you want to help her through this, but make sure you are clear with yourself. If you feel you would be tempted to use the situation to try to win her back, then you may need to step back and let other people support her through this.

[StupidCupid]

The best support you can give her is to really get someone to help her get her life back. You both need a lot of help on this. Going to authorities and getting justice from the man who did this to her can get closure for many rape victims. But many times it is a harrowing experience for the victim. But for now, you need to get help for her from government authorities or agencies, or professionals, or friends and relatives who are willing to help her. Have you also considered going to churches around your area? There are churches that have reach out ministries to help victims sometimes partnering with other groups in offering not only support but practical help such as helping with groceries and other daily needs. I know in my area there is a couple of churches with members who are professionals and they offer counseling to all kinds of problems. I hope you understand that she needs help from others and soon.