A story about sex & virginity...Your opinion?

[TheOne&Only]

Ok, so I have a friend. Lets call her Jane. Now Jane is a good kinda girl, who youd expect nothing bad from. She is honest, and a good friend to me. She's never had sex and we've both talked about how it totally sucks to be a virgin. We're both 16. And suddenley I hear that she's going out with someone she met whilst out with somefriends, whos 19 and drives. Well, me and all my friends at this point are worried for her, worried that this guy is after only one thing. You know what I mean. Well she'd been dating this guy for a fortnight. Only a fortnight, and yesterday I found out the two had sex in the back of his car. I was shocked, and disappointed that she didnt wait.
Anyways, she told me that she doesnt love him, she just ''likes him a lot'' and that she doesnt regret it. She said she didnt want to wait for some she loved to share her first time with at such a young age. Also, that she didnt just do it for the sake of it. Now I dont know what to think...especially after hearing a rumour that on their first date together, he fingered her. She'd never had any sexual experience before this guy and she said she didnt want to tell her parents, but wait until they ask because ''He's 19 it was bound to happen''. Did she only date him for sex? Will she go on to regret it? What would you think in my situation?

Sorry about the length. But thanks for your time.

[TheOne&Only]

Has no-one got an opinion on this?

[sonal_is]

Looks like she did use him for sex, I think first times should be special, he may have pressurised her, but it doesnt look like it. It is her choice. Being 16 and unexperienced does kinda suck for some, especially as sexually charged teenagers.

[leight69]

Does this consern you in any way? Honestly does it? Sure she might regret it/burden if she does, not yours.

Some people (such as myself) are/were obsessed about making sure the first time with someone it special, meaningful...etc. Others are not. Obviously this girl falls into the latter category. Both types of people have there pro's and con's.

But the bottom line, is mind your own business.

[hurtin]

i think this girl is into sex...
i didnt have sex will i was 18, and now im a freak....
maybe you are jealous that she is not a virgin anymore

[Killerbabe]

If she doesn't regret it then THANK GOD! Why should she regret it? In her opinion, everything was fine, so don't tell her otherwise. Maybe she was just lusted to him, or maybe she just wanted him, whatever the reason, what really matter is that she doesn't regret it.

[jane]

Let me start by saying that yes my name is Jane but it's not the person in question.
I beleive that there are some girls that would rather have the "thank god that I got this over and done with sex"
It could be that she used him, it could be that she doesn't regret it or it could be that it was the right time for her. No one can answer that but her. If she doesn't regret it , good for her. SHe doesn't "need" too. It does sound like you could be a little jealous. Could your friend just have been ready? Could she have been "in love" with him?

[djr]

Sorry to dredge up an old topic, but at that age, why wouldn't you (carefully) have sex every chance you get? I hear it can be fun.

[dazedandconfused]

one&only, i take it you're a girl?
it's a curse, those little girls who just want to have sex for sex. at such a young age they don't even enjoy it on the deeper emotional and sensual level, they just like the adrenalin and the instant sexual gratification. chances are, when she does meet someone she really falls in love with, she will regret having given it away so carelessly. and it will hurt her lover, too!

[sfalexi]

I agree with dazed an confused. I think that though she may not regret it now, she probably will in the future. Unless her life partner turns out to have whored himself out when he was younger. I'm a virgin, going out with a girl that has only had sex with one other person. She was pressured into it when she was fifteen but she really thought she "loved" him. Now she hasn't had sex in 12 years since then, but every now and then I do think about it and wish that it didn't happen. I want her to be my first, but I won't be her first. And now she regrets having had sex with him too and wishes that she could go back and take it back. And it's a little disconcerting. But I'll manage.

She may not realize it now, but there may come a time in her life where she'll regret it. Or maybe not. It all depends on what happens in the future. Right now she's fine with it, but people change.

What's done is done and there's no sense in letting it weigh on your chest. You have to find a way to get over it or deal with it. If you don't, you'll go nuts. Trust me.

Alexi

[djr]

I don't understand your point of view at all, Alexi. What virtue is there in virginity? I honestly don't get it. I've heard people talk that way as long as I can remember (quite a while), but there are only a few practical reasons I can think of to explain it.

If you love someone, what difference would it make how many people you loved in the past? And conversely, having had sex just for fun or just to try it out wouldn't seem (to me) to matter at all as far as your feelings for someone now are concerned.

(Obviously I'm not talking about the physical dangers associated with unprepared sex here.)

Unless you're older than I suspect you are, I've done without sex for longer than you have, but I still don't see any virtue in it. Not to say you're wrong; I just don't see it.

[sfalexi]

I'm 21. Dont know how old you are right now but I'll check your profile to see. I'm not saying it's any virtue, but rather that I personally prefer the first time to be with someone that I love. Now granted my girlfriend had sex before me. And you're right, I care about her enough that it doesn't affect me. However she wishes that she hadn't had sex at that young an age and with that person.

She had sex in the past, but wishes she had saved herself for someone more special (I'm hoping me!). And it doesn't affect me. What's done is done. My friend had sex within two weeks of dating his first girlfriend. They're relationship lasted 8 months, after which he found out that she had faked pregnancy three times to get money from him (for an abortion), had stolen money from his wallet here and there, and cheated on him while dating him. After she broke up with him, she started stalking him telling him she was pregnant again. Went as far as to call the cops and tell them he had physically abused her which got him arrested in school in front of his class. He of course went to court and got a restraining order after having to change his phone number and EVEN THEN getting caller ID to make sure he KNEW when it was her calling.

This was his first girl, the one he was "in love with". And any time I talk to him, he tells me how, while the sex was great, he does wish that he waited for someone else. Someone who was decent.

Do you understand why I waited for sex now? I'm not saying don't have sex, I'm saying that I prefer it to be with someone I'm truly in love with and who truly loves me.

Alexi

Any Q's, feel free to respond. I don't mind explaining myself if something was unclear (which by the way that I type, I probably DID make myself unclear.)

[djr]

Hmmm, well I've talked to a lot of people about their first time and none of them were anywhere near that bad. I think the stalker example is a bit too extreme to really be relevant. Though I can see how it would have made an impact on you.

If I read you right, you're saying you don't want to take the chance of getting screwed after you get screwed so to speak. If that's the case, how long do you have to know someone to be sure they won't go psycho on you? Your friend was "in love", so love is no guarentee. For that matter, maybe sex without "love" would be less risky.

I wonder why your girlfriend regrets her first experience. Is it the way she was brought up? Is it that she suspects you don't approve of it?

[sfalexi]

Well, the time before sex is completely up to whoever's involved. I mean, I've been with my girlfriend 11 months. I feel ready. She however isn't and I don't mind waiting. You're right, there's no guarentee, but it's not that they go psycho, it's sometimes that they relationship turns out sour. Ending on a bad note and you find out the person wasn't the angel you thought them to be.

But you're right . . . there's no guarentee.

I suspect my girlfriend doesn't like that he cheated on her and when she looks back she realizes that he just used her for sex pressuring her with the famous line of "If you loved me you would" whenever she didn't feel like having sex at the moment. She was a silly girl overcome with emotions and he used that line after dating her for two weeks and continued to use her for sex. Then she caught a VD (curable one thank God or else I wouldn't be with her). She gave him a second chance to find out that he cheated on her again when he went away to the military. At that point she vowed not until it was someone VERY special.

Alexi

[dazedandconfused]

to add my two cents to the discussion: my girlfriend is very sexual, likes sex and doesn't feel ashamed of it. i know she had several partners in the past and i know that she lost her virginity at a very young age. however, now, dating me, she says she sincerely regrets having given it away. i am the first person she ever fell in love with, so now she knows she would want to save herself for me. but that's the problem: she couldn't know this back then. she just didn't know why wait.
and, djr, it DOES hurt to know your lover had other partners before you. either way you look at it, it stil hurts. i think it comes down to the fact that you want to have her, want to have all of her, in past, present and future. and while you DO have her in the present, and work towards having her in the future, you can't do a damn thing about the past, and just have to deal with the pain. and get this: after we both realized we're deeply in love with each other and started enjoying every second spent together, she became jealous of someone else i loved several years ago. it was a long time ago, but it still mattered to her. she wanted to be the first for me even in love. you can't beat that. you just can't. when your blue-eyed angel loves you and craves being loved back, she has to be the best. and being the first, either it be love or sex, is the ultimate gift.