Need Sincere Advice and Opinion

[Pditty]

Ok here goes... I have been dating this woman for a little over a year. This was a semi long distance as about 40% of the time I was overseas. She is sweet, kind, soft spoken and friendly type. She is also very quiet and keeps alot of emotions deep inside. She randomly burst into tears and when asked why, she claims it's because of the death of father or ex boyfriend. Recently she was suppose to quit her 10+ year job to help me in my business and eventually down the road to marriage. Now is where the problem begins, it's been over 4-5 months and she still hasn't been able to quit her job. She gives me different excuses for the delay. Now I know her boss does not want her to leave. I see her constantly texting or calling her boss late at night but usually in front of me or that I am aware of. *When asked why, she just says that's how it's always been between her and her boss. They are handling work related stuff. Here is the straw that broke the camel's back. So few weeks ago at 230am when I was half asleep, she went to the kitchen to call her boss. I asked what she doing, she said getting water. After a long time, I went to kitchen to confront her. After about a minute she hung up. So now I am furious and asked her to go home. She leaves and next day she asked to come over to pickup something up. She comes emotionless so I told her to pack up and never come back. She never bothered to deny or talk about it. About a week passes and she called a mutual friend that she had something to return to me. That's when I decided it's time to confront and do some talking. We agreed at a coffee shop. She denied the cheating and I asked that I should have a dinner with the boss. As prior she never told her boss about me even though we had over a year of relationship. She quickly agreed. So overall the conversation was decent. I actually felt maybe I had jumped the gun. So I told her she gave me good reasons to suspect. However once I meet her boss and clear all, then hope we can continue. She said she would think about it. Couple days later she turned stone cold, saying it's over and that I had hurt her too much on asking her to leave and go home twice. She even claimed she felt suicidal when I told her to leave. Now I explained given the circumstance, that was my option so everyone can calm down without going into a major fight. She said it was over and she became like a different person. Heartless, emotionless and didn't even want to meet in person for the breakup. So over text I told her to take care. Obviously I'm devastated as everything ended so abruptly. My gut feelings tell me she is cheating and knows if we stay together, it will never be the same. I would be paranoid and suspicious all the time. However I myself had some fault? In kicking her out? On her second trip, she had lots of bags and asked that I help her. I told her no! You cheated on me and I'm not going to roll a red carpet for your exit. Told her she can make 2 trips or I can get security to help her, which she declined. Please give me sincere and intelligent advice!

[humili]

Women emotions are not easy to handle! But in this case. it is obvious she is not happy with the relationship with you. I reckon you ive her more time and space to let her decide wat she really wants!! if things dun continue well, there is an obvious sign that she may be tired of the relationship or she does not feel secured in it!!!

[RockNRoll]

What is your question? Whether you were wrong to kick her out that night? Calling boss late at night and at 2.30 am is ridiculous, unless it's connected with her job (don't get me wrong, I mean it could be financial markets or shifts). I can see why you became mad at her, but you didn't handle it in a decent way (here is my honest opinion), especially those small details with bags. And from your story it doesn't look like you've been on the road to marriage. You had a different idea about her plans with a job (and probably not only that), than she did. Sounds like she has some emotional issues as well. I don't know enough to accuse her in cheating, but if it is the case, problems in other relationships could have caused her sudden tears. Sounds messed up, sorry.
So what do you want to do about it? Do you need to do anything else about it?

[Pditty]

My question is I'm so confused. Here is why. She told me it was work related. Her boss is giving her a hard time for leaving the job and she always texts/calls him at night. She has worked for the company for many years. Yes over the past 4-5 days I have met her once where she said there is nothing going on. Also the fact I kicked her out, she was feeling suicidal. Now she wants to breakup. She refuses to meet or call. We broke up through text. I do understand I cannot bug her if she needs space. Now it's a waiting game with so many ???? In my head. I don't know if it's 1) she was cheating and realize that the relationship will never work or 2) I really did hurt her that bad?

[RockNRoll]

There is a strange issue with her job and boss. Did she really want to quit? Or it was mainly your idea? If it is really such a huge problem with her boss, maybe you should have shown more understanding and support. I don't know, maybe you did that way, but from the story sounds like it wasn't enough for her. I am sorry if I am wrong somewhere, trying to guess based on the info you gave.
You don't know if it is reason 1 or 2. You are more likely to get to talk to her acting like it is the reason No2.
It could have hurt her that bad, she sounds fragile. And that situation at night and later was not good at all, you suddenly became harsh and accused her without being sure what was going on. I have no idea whether she was true to you, had any intentions or is as pure as an agel. Maybe it wasn't fair on you. But don't strike her back. Say that you are sorry for hurting her and anything else you feel sorry for. You probably done that already.

[Pditty]

It was my idea for her to join me. However she agreed and we been planning for months now. She then became wishy washy which led me to to suspect even more. Yeah, the ball is in her court. I apologized for hurting her but she broke everything off. I also have no idea of the real truth and if she was really true to me.

[MerryH]

No, you broke everything off. Now she doesn't want to get back together with you, probably because you were kind of an asshole about all this. Late-night calls/texts are unusual, but she told you it was work related. Why didn't you trust her on that?

[Pditty]

MerryH,

Should she be telling the truth, yes I jumped the gun. I am not usually a jealous or possessive type of guy. That is what is killing me inside. So many questions and everything ended so abruptly. What should I do to find out the truth and dare I say get back together again?

[MerryH]

The truth about what? If she was cheating on you or not? She said she wasn't. I'm still wondering why you don't trust her.

And why do you want to be with someone you don't trust?

[Pditty]

I am confused on the "trust" as I felt our relationship was good in all areas. See this late night texting/calling I never tried to investigate or snoop. I DID trust her. It was this late night calling incident that finally broke the camel's back. You are right, I cannot be with someone I don't trust. My situation now is not so black and white. You are innocent till proven guilty right?

[Pditty]

Shameless bump

[Pditty]

So any ideas or solution?!

[MerryH]

Move on?

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[Pditty]

Moving on is my last choice. We had future plans, 1.5 years of good past, it was a bad fight but do you think some can have a change of heart that fast? Was she really cheating? And is forced to make a choice? Or is she hurt that bad as she claims? Obviously I would like to save the relationship if possible.

[MerryH]

Was she forced to make a choice? Not really. You made the choice for her when you broke up with her and kicked her out.

Maybe you shouldn't break up with people when you have no intention of carrying it out.