Originally Posted by
Indignant
but don't you find it respectful of the guy to make his own life miserable and still stay married for the sake of the children? he could've as easily dumped the family and find a new wife that he would be happy with, but instead he chooses to have fleeting moments with random women, still keeping his family together.
No, actually I don't. That stress carries over into the marriage and ends up ****ing the kids up worse than if you'd just simply gotten a divorce and amicably worked out visitation and parenting strategy. I know plenty of divorced fathers who love their kids very much and spend as much time with them as possible. They work with their ex spouses to present a unified parenting front rather than use the kids as a way to get back at each other.
Just because you think the kids don't know what's going on doesn't mean that your overall stress, anger, depression, and disappointment at your marital situation doesn't bleed over. What if the kid finds out about it, do you want to raise your kid to think it's OK to have someone on the side as long as you love your kids and neglect your spouse?
There's no such thing as staying together for the kids. It's a bullshit excuse to not deal with the hassle of divorce and to save yourself some money. In the meantime it presents a ****ed up family view that the kids get to learn all about.
You don't have to like your ex spouse, or love them. You don't even have to respect them. But you do need to agree on a consistent level of parenting that keeps the kids from being the focus of a power and love struggle.
"Well, then," the Cat went on, "you see a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased. Now I growl when I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad."