Really Confused, think he is using me?

[katiej789]

Hiya, really need some advice. Been seeing a friend of mine, we are not technically 'together' but go on dates, spend hours with each other, kissing, holding hands, close cuddles and massages and he calls me beautiful and says that he is going to open up to me as he has never with anyone else. He also texts me everyday as soon as he has finished work to see how I am.

Anyway I found out last week he has a date with someone else??? I approached him last night about it as I am hurt and he said he loves hanging out with me but he only sees me as a friend. I said to him how can he be this close if there are no feelings and he couldn't answer that?

Really hurt and confused, I have alot of feelings for him but I feel he has used me. Any advice would be great, thanks

[nico88]

Bottom line is guys can be dogs. We can say things we don't mean just to get what we want. I think that's what happened to you.

If he's seeing someone else and told you he isn't interested, then forget about him. Go find somebody else to invest your time in. Sounds like he just wants to play the field..

[fumble]

Im sorry to say that from where im sitting it does look like hes a jerk leading you on for fun. I have been in a very similar situation so really can sympathise with how horrible and confusing these situations can get. You probably tell yourself 'he must feel the same as I do otherwise he wouldn't act that way towards me' or something of the like. I think you should sot down and have a long talk about what he really feels and what game he thinks hes playing. If he says you are just a friend then I would recommend not even being friends with obviously a manipulative and selfish person who would treat you like that. Im sorry that you have been treated like this. You don't deserve it. And I truly know how much easier it is to say get out and to actually do it.

[woody]

'Some' men sometimes toy and play with the emotions of an unsuspecting lady and this is never easy for the one that only wishes to be loved and respected. Perhaps remembering your own self worth will help you to 'ditch the prick' and perhaps next time, make them earn your time shared; wait and see if their worth your efforts.

There are many good men out there. Every girl has had her fair share of the not so good ones but we must remember that even if they pull a 'player' move, doesn't mean their entirely bad; just behaving badly.

You'll find someone worth your while eventually. Hold out for the goods.

[snckrs]

Find someone who truely cares for you. This guy doesnt. Best of luck dear.

[Wakeup]

Here we go again. Instead of hanging out with him and cuddling and kissing a guy Why not wait to do this "friends hanging out" ambiguous and confusing actions until AFTER he's taken you out on a real date outside his or your home and showed you he's interested in you for more then a "cuddle" or you being his buddy?

You young people do everything backwards these days it seems. I'm reading everyday about opposite sex friends who are crossing the lines of simple "friendship" and getting themselves confused and hurt because of it.

If you like a guy then don't be his friend. Either ask him out or show him interest in other ways then pretending to want to be his friend when you want more. Hanging out.. pffft.

Did you have sex with him?

*good for you for having the gurl ballzzz to get what you had defined quickly. Now, stay away from this cad and don't pretend to still want to be his friend. He's clearly told you that you can do better then the likes of him.

[snckrs]

Yeah, like Wakeup said, everything with young people (people my age) is backwards. Make a guy take you on several date before letting him "sample the goods". As in all the first date should end in is a kiss, not sex. Thats just my opinion tho, and im old fashioned.

[michelle23]

Im old fashioned too and young. You have to put yourself on a pedastal-not him
Your the prize and hes the cat getting the cream IF he can impress you and show you hes relationship material. I hope that doesnt sound cocky. I dont mean it to. Its just you have to set standards and expectations for you and not change them to suit some guy your crushing on. Let him do the work in the beginning and dont get attached until you know hes for real. Good luck

[Boisdevie]

The OP made the mistake of not having the 'are we in a relationship' kind of discussion much much earlier. Yep, she was used but her unwillingness/inability to have the discussion didn't force this guy to make his intentions known. What is it with people - is the word 'date' so really scary?

[katiej789]

Well I spoke to him and he is dating someone else.... I feel utterly used, its a good job we never went any further than what we did. Some people can be so so cruel, make someone fall for them and then get with someone else

[Wakeup]

... and somepeople do things backwards and "hang out" and cuddle before they even know the other guys intentions. Notice how he's "dating" someone else but he only "hung out" with you? What kind of "dates" did he take you on? Why didn't you have the exclusive talk? How long was he your "friend" before he started cuddling and other stuff?

Don't make the same mistake again. You're acting like a victim when you volunteered to do what you did (as little as it was). Sex and sexual lead up actions are NOT an indication that he wants you as a girlfriend if he's never done anything other then that with you.

Stop "hanging out" with men in the guise of it being "friendship." You'll be better off in the long run to simply say "is this a date" when some dude asks you to hang and if he asks you to hang at his house or yours then its not much of a date... that kind of date means something after you've established what his intentions actually are.

[Lord Darkshire]

Funny most guys get caught up in this bs not girls.

[smackie9]

Honestly I think he did like you BUT saw a better opportunity....someone he met at work probably. Since he didn't bone ya, he figured it wasn't that serious between you. He's a dick the way he handled it. Like everyone is saying, never "assume" you are an item.

[bulrush]

Really hurt and confused, I have alot of feelings for him but I feel he has used me.

He did not use you because he never committed to being exclusive with you. If you two don't talk about it, you're not exclusive. People are allowed to date other people.