New to this - feel terrible in my relationship with girlfriend. How to feel better?

[johngender]

Hi there everybody!

Just created a profile to get help with this problem i have. Never tried a forum before, but i am getting desperate.

I'll try to make it short

I'm 25, girlfriend is 22. Been with my her for 3 months (plus 2 months dating before). Mostly, it's been good (extremely good at times), but somehow i've changed since we started dating, and in a very negative fashion.
See, whenever i'm not around my girlfriend, i feel like shit. I almost feel like i'm depressed, but i can't put a name to the reason - i just feel bad about myself, lose my confidence and my motivation, and generally feel extremely insecure about the relationship - and not because i don't love her, because i really, really do.
Never been so crazy about a girl in my life, so this is a first for me.

Most of the time, i'm able to hide it from her (also i'm usually very happy when i'm around her). But recently, she's noticed because i've started losing confidence around her as well, and now i sense that she might be starting to lose interest - or at least, thats how i interpret it, although it could just be my insecurity playing games with my mind.

It's not that she doesn't tell me she likes me or wants me, but she just seems to make much less effort now than she used to do, with me being the one trying to make everything fun and good for her. She doesn't contact me much either, and usually answers texts several hours after i send them even though i don't text her very often (once or twice a day).

I'm trying to make myself think less about her and spend more time focusing on myself and the things i've got going on in my life to become less dependent, but i still feel bad a lot of the time. Also i'm sure she'd never cheat on me or otherwise be unfaithful to me, and she's told me several times i was one of the best things that has happened to her in her life, so in a way i shouldn't fear about the relationship, she generally sends many signals that she wants to be with me.

But... i don't know what to do, how to fix myself. I'm so crazy about her and i seriously want to be with her, but it's really taking a hard toll on me.

TL;DR: I feel depressed/insecure when i'm away from my girlfriend, and recently she's been noticing and now i'm afraid she's losing interest, also i feel like i'm the one chasing her; she's the one in control and i'm the "weakest" part of the relationship.

Thanks everybody!

[seecrithiding]

Hi johngender.

IMO your problems have nothing to do with your relationship with your girlfriend, but the relationship you have with yourself. You need to figure out what it is that you REALLY want and what it is that is making you so unhappy. Maybe see your doctor, and let them know how you're feeling, you could have depression or anxiety ect.

You need to stop clinging so hard to your girlfriend, she can't fix the unhappiness that you feel, and begging her to fill that space is only going to push her away. Take some time for you and fix what needs to be fixed...I know it's hard, but it's so worth it.

[smackie9]

You are fine. This is what happens when you are in love and I say you have it bad. We all have had the feeling of that dread of losing our one true love. Love will make us crazy, paranoid, do stupid things, make us insecure, obsess, nervous and even make us want to puke. Ever hear of the term "love sick"? Instead of hiding it, flaunt it in a love poem or love letter....I know it's sounds corny but it will make you feel better when you two are apart. Come to think of it, have you told her you love her? Bought her flowers? like really expressed it to her yet?

[johngender]

Hi johngender.

IMO your problems have nothing to do with your relationship with your girlfriend, but the relationship you have with yourself. You need to figure out what it is that you REALLY want and what it is that is making you so unhappy. Maybe see your doctor, and let them know how you're feeling, you could have depression or anxiety ect.

You need to stop clinging so hard to your girlfriend, she can't fix the unhappiness that you feel, and begging her to fill that space is only going to push her away. Take some time for you and fix what needs to be fixed...I know it's hard, but it's so worth it.

It's crazy, cause i know what i want, but i'm not sure how to get it.
What i want is a relationship where we both want each other equally much... So that neither of us will push the other/play "games" in order to stay interesting to the other part. That we can both be honest with each other and be each others better half. You know, a relationship in balance, where we both give equally...

I think we were pretty close to being equal at the beginning of our relationship, but now it's tilting to her side (her being in control) and me chasing after... Which i hate :-/
I feel like i have to "pretend" to be less interested, that i can't just tell her how i feel honestly b/c she'll get tired of hearing me praising her/telling her how much she means to me/telling her i miss her and want to be with her etc. etc.

Also, how do you mean "take some time"? :-) Should i tell her i want to see her less, or that i need to take a break?
I already feel like i see her too little - this week, we'll only be together for 2 days, which i already have hard time accepting...

I'll think about contacting my doctor. If it continues :-)

[johngender]

You are fine. This is what happens when you are in love and I say you have it bad. We all have had the feeling of that dread of losing our one true love. Love will make us crazy, paranoid, do stupid things, make us insecure, obsess, nervous and even make us want to puke. Ever hear of the term "love sick"? Instead of hiding it, flaunt it in a love poem or love letter....I know it's sounds corny but it will make you feel better when you two are apart. Come to think of it, have you told her you love her? Bought her flowers? like really expressed it to her yet?

I appreciate you telling me that i'm not becoming crazy, even though it feels like that sometimes

I haven't told her i love her in those words. She's told me she didn't want a man to tell her too early (she even specified she would take it less seriously if it happened before 4 months) so i've held back, even though i feel it. Also, right now i feel like pouring more love over her will make her tired of me/annoyed (seeing as i already feel like she's distancing herself after i had some days with her where i was definitely too pleasing/not confident with her, which she also commented on!), but i really don't know if i'm just being paranoid. It's very confusing!

[smackie9]

The thing is that it's totally wrong for her to tell you that you are not allowed to express your feelings, or will not be taken seriously. That is f ucked up. It will knock the relationship out of balance and destroy it which it is already starting to happen.

She obviously has trust issues from past experiences and in order to deal with it she has set up strict guidlines. You NEED to discuss things with her before it pushes you apart even more. It's no wonder you are sickened, because if you make a move that is so natural, only to face repercussions from it..... dude she is making this so unfair for you.

IMO this arrangement is unhealthy. Either way this is going downhill.