Need some advice (pretty long read, I'll try to keep it short)

[34Spartan34]

Hi there,
This is my first post here and I was hoping you can offer some advice.

I am 19 and I have fallen for a co-worker. The only problem is, she has a boyfriend. She's 20 and her boyfriend is in his low 30s (he lied to her about his age when they first met and didn't tell her how old he was until they dated for about 5 months). He also has a child who is 6. She told me, she went out with him "because she was lonely" and from what I can see, they aren't really into each other.

Anyhoo, we first met 6 months ago. The manager just hired her and trusted me enough to train her. From day one we gelled real well, and as I got to know her more, the more I started falling for her. We have pretty much the same personality, same philosophy and the same passions/interests. I'm a pretty open guy and there are a couple of co-workers who I trust enough to tell how I fell about her. She's real busy with school and work and I've asked her out to harmless lunch dates and parties. Lunch dates she has gone with me, but never parties (boyfriend and time won't allow).

We've been complimented from many people saying how we are awesome and cute together and many questioned if we were going out. Usually we just looked at each other and say "NO WAY..." or jokingly I would say, "I wish!! But she has a boyfriend".

Just recently, she found out I had a thing for her and asked me if it was true. I said yes. Then, I kinda told her I wish she never knew because now its going to be awkward being around her. I try to act the same around her but I can't act the same way. It just feels too weird knowing she knows. How should I go about this new awkwardness? Should I pretend it never happened? I don't want to ruin our friendship but I don't want to settle just for friends. I was in this position 3 years ago and it ruined that friendship. I don't want the same thing to happen again.

Thanks in advance.

[anachronistic]

Just don't worry about it. The awkwardness will soon fade. She knows you like her now, she is most likely flattered. And she might reconsider her current boyfriend.

Don't however try to steal her away, if you know what I mean. Nobody likes that

[koolwhip]

i agree with lilwing...

but lemme put it into my own words:

"ASK HER OUT DAMMIT"

[34Spartan34]

Hey thanks for the quick response.

I have asked her out. To clubs, parties and lunch. I always ask if shes interested and she says yes. But when its the day of, she doesn't answer my calls or texts. She's only gone to about 5 lunch dates with me, but thats it. At these lunch dates is where she opens up to me and is where we get to know each other the most. She's also gone to my house a couple of times to check out my animals (we work at a pet store)

I don't want to steal her away, but I don't want her to be with this dude, because to tell you the truth, I don't see any love and she doesn't deserve to put up with his shit.

[Gribble]

He sounds like a real scumbag to me. But if she agrees to go on a date then doesn't return your calls she's not much better.

[34Spartan34]

Well she didn't promise to go on a date. She was like "let me ask my boyfriend first...then I'll let you know". Then I never get a response. I usually pretend like its no big deal, cause I don't want to seem too desperate, but I can never take her out when it's during her free time. He seems to be around everywhere she goes.

[vashti]

I think she is too young to be dealing with a 6 year old. Tell her to let you know when she gives the old man the boot so you can take her on a proper date.

[34Spartan34]

I think I'm going to tell her everything next time I see her. It's better hearing it from me than from some random dude. Hopefully, I can tell her why I like her so much and ask if there is a chance for me in the future. I guess I will have to hope for the best and expect the worse. The worse she can say is NO right?

Also, I just wanted to add, I found another job somewhere else outside the city. Its pay is way higher, and will be so much better for me career-wise. But then, I will never see her again.....

[34Spartan34]

Hey, thought I'd post a little update.

So I accidentally drop my phone in her boyfriends car after she drives me home and he finds it there in the morning. He calls my house at 10am to ask me about all the text messages that we sent back and forth. I tell him that those messages he should not be concerned about. Just harmless parties, clubs, lunches. A get to know each other type of date.

At about 4 oclock, he storms into my workplace and asks for me. Everyone is scared for me cause he looks pissed! I meet him outside and I tell him exactly what the situation is with me and this girl. He goes to the girl to clarify if what I say is true. He finds out I like her, but I told him I would never do anything to tear their relationship apart. I told him about how she found out from someone else and how she consulted me about it. He asks her why they never talked about it and why she didn't tell him that she had been driving me home behind his back (we live like 5 minutes away from each other) and they're they go screaming at each other. He asks us if there is something going on and I said no. Then she said no. I don't know if we both mean it. I don't know if I should be happy or sad? What the hell is going on and what do you think will be the outcome in the future? Should I give her a call tomorrow to offer some emotional support? I don't want to do anything that can make matters worse...HELP...

[vashti]

She probably won't speak to you anymore.

[34Spartan34]

Why is that?

[vashti]

If she wants to keep her boyfriend, he will make her get rid of you.

[Gigabitch]

Give her some time. He sounds like such a dick, he'll do all the work making her leave him. All you have to do is wait.

How convenient that he came into work and made a big, ugly scene. I'll bet everyone is talking about it. Are you well liked at work? She'll probably get all kinds of unsolicited advice from well-meaning co-workers that will only work to your advantage.

If she won't leave him, you need to consider that she may not be as cool as you think she is. Most people want to be happy. She probably does too. I hope so, anyway.

[34Spartan34]

I was thinking that's what she would do as well. Yes, I am giving her space. I haven't talked to her since Friday. I don't want to rush her or anything and I agree that he did all the work for me. But I have a week left until I leave work and I am supposedly working with her on Thursday.

I am very well-liked at work (or so I think, well they wouldn't be throwing me a goodbye dinner if they didn't like me).

Thank you Giga, you gave me hope. LOL.
No offence to you Vashti, but that doesn't sound like something she would do.

[Gigabitch]

Hmmm. Another thought, though. You don't want it to look like he scared you off, either. Remember, she's the one with the vagina, not you.

I think you should call her tomorrow and act like the concerned friend, you know, "just checking in".