What do i do now? Am i all alone?

[sweetpea16]

So I have no idea where to start as i have never done this before but i have no clue what to do. So ive tried counseling and i dont believe in the sort but i got desperate hoping Id get an answer and i didnt. Here is what i have so far.


My husband and i had started off all messed up in the beggining. I was dating someone at the time and was coming out of an abusive horrible releationship and he was my knight in shining armour. We both worked together so we had to keep it a secret because he was my boss in a way. It was wonderful I loved him so much and i thought this was too good to be true.


A month after i had left my ex boyfriend we were together but unofficially (We had no titles we were just together). He was supposed move away to finish school and i was okay with it. It ended up he left without saying goodbye and me finding out another coworker had been sleeping with him and for some reason thought she could confide in me not to tell anyone. Not only was i heartbroken i couldnt tell anyone about this.


After about 5 months of me being his friend and forgiving him for what hes done. He decided to move back to town and live with me. Well while he was away i was hanging out with another coworker that had seen me in a wreck and i had confided in him what my situation was. He hated my boyfriends guts. Tyler (my coworker) took me in and was there for me while my boyfriend had did that to me. I finally felt sane after a while. He taught me a lot of things and helped me grow as an individual.


Well Brian (my boyfriend) decided to move back to live with me and start over because he loved me so much. Meanwhile Brian had no idea about me and Tyler hanging out. Tyler and i had been intimate only a few times but my heart was with Brian so it was strictly physical.


I told Brian about me and Tyler right in the beginning because i wanted honesty and was trying to teach him thats what a relationship is. He ended up hating Tyler and wanted me to cut him off when he did nothing to me at all.


So i did. I cut Tyler off. A perfectly good friend that helped me that was there for me when i was hurt and i betrayed him because i was soo in love.


I ended up Marrying Brian. Everything was amazing. The only thing we EVER faught about was Tyler. He couldnt get over the fact that we slept together when we werent together. I think its because he felt bad for what HE did and wasnt there for me.


He kept things from me and told little white lies throughout our relationship and it was just tiring. I missed my friend and i got defensive when it came to him being jealous. I always stood up for him to my friends when they said hes a bad guy and i tell them hes changed. While i was off defending him he was stabbing my back accusing me of cheating.


End of story. I filed for divorce over stupid arguments and im scared that i made a bad choice. Me and Tyler have been together now that Brian has been gone but i find myself missing my husband. I feel like if he would of just gotten over that little thing we would of been perfect. I sit here and look at the bad things over the good and im not sure what weights out the other.


Ive only been to one counseling session and they are scheduled way to far apart for me. So i turn to online friends to find out more personal experienced advice.


Did i do a wrong thing? I mean i love Tyler and Brian both but i am stuck between a rock and a hard place. Am i all alone on this one?

[valmont]

i read somewhere that most of the time we ask for advice when we already know the answer and don't want to hear it..

every story has 2 sides..but from what you've said..your husband was the one with the issue, it could be deep seeded feelings of betrayal..i've got those and it's incredibly hard to forgive someone. but because i am single and not involved in anything right now i can see that clearly..when you're all tied up in the moment with someone it's almost impossible to see it....