hell, ive jumped into things again at the deepend, woops.
after having just finished with my girlfriend, it has become very apparent its not going to end here, wether it takes a few weeks to completely cool off, or its going to kick off again, i dont know. its all very bizzare to me.
heres the story, we finished over the phone basicly, she had told her friends that she had finished with me, when i was on the understanding we were on a break, and well, i rang her and she was out with her friends when i asked her why she has been saying this. she said its true. so well, she hadent told me until then, but if thats how it is, thats what i'll have to deal with.
since then, weve been talking on msn, sms, etc. she sent me a message the other night explaining how she felt she needed me there, and that she couldn't stop thinking about me (is this because she hasent got over me, because she still loves me?, i dont know). anyway, this got me a bit annoyed, because i just wanted to forget about things to be honest.
today she was talking to me again like she used to, and she said she still has feelings for me but dosent think a relationship could work as the feelings arent as strong. for once i feel i understand what she is saying, but this dosent at all make it easy for me, what does this mean? that she DOES want a relationship but is scared? or maybe she is just rubbing in the fact we will never be together?
anyway, i thought i'd try and explain to her a few things about why i think all this has happened, maybe help her see sense, seeing as the main reason i believe we split up was because she got very attatched to her friend, who is a well known 'slut' and lost all her friends for turning like this. i told sam (my x now) about how i felt this had affected things, she came on msn and i proceeded to tell her more things, like how the college break had made us see to much of eachother etc etc.
i asked her to think about this, long and hard. but i dont know if i'll get a response, i dont know if it will change things. she says how upset she was that i said nasty things to her, which i apologized deeply for. i dont know whats going to happen now between us. i dont really know if i want her back, and who says if she wants me back she isn't going to be this 'changed person' who hangs around with her slutty friend drinking alcahol with strange people?
there is another part of the dilemma now, my x girlfriend has heard about the break up and has called me, spoken to me via sms. i admit i have been a bit too flirty because i thought it might help me get over sam. so now this girl is really looking forward to seeing me, but i dont know exactly what i want now, or what to do.
i get scared waiting, and paranoid.
any help is much appreciated,
spike