My husband and I got married at the beginning of this year. We have a very good relationship for the most part. He does everything for me that I could possibly ask for, except tell me the truth. No he doesn’t lie about big things like cheating or where he is at least as far as I know) no all his lies something to do with his past.
The first thing that he lied
(Before we got married) about was being married. I found out on my ownAfter having the strongest feeling that he was hiding something I search through her stuff and found out that he was going through a divorce ! I confronted him fairly call me asking him if he had anything to tell me giving him the chance to come clean.
Which brings me to the second thing that he lied about. He lied about the marriage all together saying that it was a contract marriage so he could get more money in the military, and she could get military health insurance. He swore that their relationship was not romantic at all and that their marriage was for all technical purposes fake . At first his story added up and made sense to me but as time went on I began to find more and more gaps, for one they had gotten married in 2012 but he had not joined the military until 2014. AlsoAccording to several websites he and her had share the same address which probably means they live together.
So I decided to confront him again to give him another chance to come clean about the whole situation I asked directly if he had really loved this one and if they had been in a real marriage and if they had slept together. I told him that if he told me the truth about everything that I would probably forgive him and that we can move on from his past .
At this time he went off on me accusing me of being paranoid and jealous saying that he had married her into 012 because She needed US citizenship and He was in a different branch of military at the time.
Deep down I felt like something was wrong with his story. That something wasn’t quite adding up. But I had no evidence and I was starting to believe that maybe I was really paranoid and making stuff up.
By this time he was already divorced and we are not each other for almost 2 years. We got married but deep down I still felt like something was wrong then a couple of weeks after we got married I found one of his old cell phones with all of his old messages to his ex-wife. I remember him having this phone when we were first dating and wondering who this woman was that kept calling him. He told me that she was just one of his friends. The messages were all in Spanish so I had to translate them all. And from the messages it was very clear that they were in a real relationship she was extremely angry at him and I could tell that she truly loved him and it one point he must’ve loved her . Throughout the messages they were constantly arguing and fighting she did not want to get a divorce and felt betrayed she also suspected that there was another woman involved.( me)
So again I confronted him about the situation he would not tell me anything until I showed him the messages. Then he told me that yes they had been in a real relationship but that she would have been the most horrible woman imaginable. All of his friends have confirmed that his ex only cared about money and general was not a very nice person. But I am a firm believer in the sacredness of marriage I do not think that people should get just get divorced because they don’t get along or because of fighting over stupid things if you really love somebody which it seems that they did then you should try to work things out. I feel horribly guilty thinking that probably if I was not in the picture they would have worked things out eventually and not gotten divorced and stay together . About a month ago my husband finally told me that the real reason he divorced his wife was because she got an abortion of his baby without telling him. I felt a little bit better realizing that that was a very good reason to get divorced and that maybe me and him were actually a better match for each other. I realize that he has been through a lot in his life and he has a very long complicated past he is truly a wonderful husband but I just can’t get over the fact that he lied to me about so many things, And seeing how easily he lied to me about these big things makes it impossible for me to trust him about anything. It is literally driving me crazy and the worst part is I can’t help but feel paranoid like he’s still hiding things from me and I know from experience now that the only way I’ll ever know the truth is If i find it out myself.I love him but I can’t live every day with this kind of miss trust and I have tried so hard to build up trust with him again but it’s not working. I am at the point where I don’t know what to do. Do I stay and keep trying to build trust with this man? What do I leave and start fresh somewhere else. What is more important love or trust . Can u even have love without trust