long distance break up

[babygirl00]

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Was with my boyfriend now ex for about 4-5 years... he is a Canadian 29 I am located in the states I am 27. We visit and very very close we can just talk for hours and hours and hours and we have a great time together. Loyal all years to him made lots of sacrafices i even took a bus for 2 days to reach him, he has spent money on taking care of me, i even left my state to live with him for a year. I messed up pretty bad and called him a name I shouldnt have when he has been helping me out a lot over the years get situated. On top of that one to many times he would warn me not to do something and I would anyway and it would cause more finance problem for us. In other words I was being selfish and yes I am to blame clearly.. Its been about 6mths.. at first i was real needy and annoying.. and I didnt see the big picture of what I had done. But now without thinking with just emotions im actually using my brain and get it.. During the needy stage that i wish i didnt do.. men hate that.. but I had asked him some questions.. he did answer them these were the responses.


Can I ever be forgiven? I don’t know

do you love me? I did love you

do you care about me? yes i do

And being in love? Yes I can say that I am still in love

Can we rebuild what we have? right now I don’t want anyone not after what you have done I am very hurt

Would you prefer to just go on your own.. and let this be? Well I did already break up , I can talk to you.
he also said If this was any other man he would not even be talking to you, but because its you I am, so you better take what you can get out of me we can talk.

do you feel well ever have an actual visit again? im sure one day we can visit ( this was a strange answer)

How do you think I feel about you? Look I know you love me but how can I rely on you is another question how can I ever trust you again.. and know you wont turn on me and make a thousand mistakes that will hurt us.- this is when it dawned on me ways to fix myself.. and work for better.

What are my chances? no, you just don’t get it I have given you enough chances and warnings why should I risk again being burned. I don’t deserve this treatment. actions are louder then words.

okay..i cant blame him for his choice to leave me.. any man would he prob didnt feel appreciated calling him a name and hes done nothing but help me, and on top of that all the finances he gave me to fix the issues i had.. to become stable in which i am now. I have been working on myself and trying to be the woman i know i really am with actions i am making sure that im stable and other things just staying busy not being needy on him.

He keeps me on his messenger.. a few times i told him he can just delete me since its over, but he kept me , he messages me sometimes might say good afternoon or evening..i do not msg him i did that during the 6mths surely had to drive him crazy i leave him be he can msg me on his own terms, i try to act a little aloof so im not to desperate and that it shows im busy but eventually ill respond and talk some.. nothing to long.. i want him to have his respect and honor and wish. But he does seem to message me.. he might miss talking to me cant tell.

What are my chances here any at all? Any thing else I could possibly do to help him feel any better.. I would like to visit him but not unless his terms.. Any suggestions? I hope to not fall into the friend category! and yes i do love this man very much he is the most wonderful man i have ever met.. i was going through my own personal issues.. and I put it out on my sweetheart.. he is the best man... he has his small faults too but he is truly a great great person soul and spirit.. i would love to reconcile with this man of course given it was in both our interest.

[Dasein]

What did you do? Can you give examples?

By the sound of it he seems like he loves you but that you have damaged him too much in the past for him to risk being with you again. He sounds like a decent guy who has just had enough.

[babygirl00]

well yeah it shows he had enough.. it was for example stupid things.. like he told me to get a bday gift.. i decided on a pet rabbit.. unfortantly in consequence the apts charged a 200 dollar fee for the rabbit i didnt know about.. i didnt think they would for a tiny rabbit.. he was mad that i ended up then wasteing 200 and was only suppose to get a small gift this year.... but his finances suffered ... along the way.. of course im paying him back though.. i just never had the stability i was a broke college student i JUST graduated and landed a position, so just now able to pay him. But he says its not about the finances but its part of it im sure.. he says its the fact that i make decisions like this. But i can understand what hes saying a bit too late.. I hear you though hes had enough i know he loves me under his hard shell.. but i will at least try... he can have his space of course i honor how he feels.. but i am still correcting my mistakes the best i can and becoming a better person maybe he will see that if the love he has is strong enough or maybe he wont.

Should i fly out there now? to much chase...

And of course I would love reconcile with him.. but in more important i care for whatever he wants and he left me so i am respecting it.. but u also want to be there he is real sensitive I know how he is..

oh geesh ... i dunno what he needs more comforting or just the space... I would like to be there for him like he has been for me.. its hard to always know what to do!

[Dasein]

There has to be more to it than the rabbit thing. I mean sure he would have been annoyed but it is not like you were sending him a severed head in the mail for his birthday....the rabbit wasn't cooked was it?

Ok I will stop messing about. Don't visit him. He seems irritated enough. If you want any chance at reconcilliation give him some room. If it is meant to be he will come around.

[babygirl00]

Oh.. but what caused the actual break up.. that crossed the line for him.. was i called him a wrong name.. one that hurts a mans pride.. so immature of me..just pure stupid insecurity.. and i look at myself in the mirror and go did u do that.. u are not that woman.. thats not even me!! But hes not being forgiven to it but i cant blame him there either it hurt him.. hes helped me and here i go spinning off something at him.. just being a whinny butt..

Wish there was more I could do.. but the ball is in his court but i see so far its not bouncing.. and may never. We were so close to his visa and a future together..

[babygirl00]

yeah its more than a rabbit.. he paid half my tuiton and countless other things.. of course i didnt force this on him let me remind u though.. i think hes stressed about finances now.. i told him i can carry my own weight.. and i never meant to rely on him he kept giving it to me.. i didnt think much of it.. and he didnt always like were i was spending the money or what on... i guess u could say.. but he will say its not finances its that i turn on him at the blink of a second.. such as the name calling.

And okay thanks.. like u said if its meant to be it will if not okay. Thanks.

[donna777]

He really seems like he's hurt (and still hurting) BIG time. Have you tried apologizing for your mistakes?