We Broke up

[sdjim]

So my girlfriend and I had dated for the past 10 months. Wew broke up last weekend, because she told me she has figure out herself, and doesn't think she can handle a relationship right now. She thought she could (she got out of a 6 year relationship right before we met) and didn't expect to meet someone as great as me so fast( She told me this a couple times early into the relationship). So Saturday she said she really thinks she wants to break up. So we did not contact each other until Monday, when she called me asking if she could come over and get her stuff the next day. I thought this would just blow-over, like it did once before, but that freaked me out once she really said she was coming to get her stuff from my place. So being the paranoid person I am, I saw that she was still logged on her facebook on my computer. So Monday night after she called, I checked out her page. She had chatted with an old friend, and the person asked how she was, if she was dating anyone. She said she was dating someone, but not anymore. I was heartbroken. The next day, she came and got her stuff. We talked for about an hour. She said the same stuff, that she just really needs to find herself right now, can't think of dating anyone else right now or think of other guys, etc... and although she loves and cares for me, she thinks we will just continue to date if we just got back together and breakup unless she does take this time for herself. And she mentioned that if we get back together, she can see our relationship eventually going the way of marriage. Anyways, That night I was a mess... I did one more log onto her facebook (i know this is horrible thing to do...) She had chatted with another friend, this one from her home town, who also asked her how she was doing... She said, "Im doing welll... Dating this guy named -----" "check out the picture of us on my facebook. They chatted about where it was taken. Then she went into that I am a very nice guy, but she just doesn't know right now since she got out of a long relationship before and always second guesses her relationships ever since.


So since I saw her on Tuesday, that was the last face to face and verbal chat we had. I was on facebook Wednesday night and she was on too. She messaged me Hi and we quickly chatted and that was it. So i love this girl and she loves me but she has to find herself right now. I am giving her her space by not calling her and letting her make all the moves. This is someone who would call me the second she would get off work and every night before she went to bed. We would talk a ton of times a day if not see each other. Now we haven't talked since she got her stuff. It is all confusing that she would tell one friend who is getting married soon that shes was no longer dating me, then tell her other friend who didn't even know she was seeing anyone all about me. She could have easily said i'm not seeing anyone or same stuff she told her other friend the night before.


What do you think our chances are of getting back together?

[sdjim]

Just to update this... She facebook chatted me again this morning(she chatted me on wednesday night too), saying hi asking what I was doing. Another quick chat. Told me shes going to see the sex and the city movie tonight. If she feels like she needs this space and doesn't want a relationship, then why this contact telling me her plans? I know she probably just feels bad, because I've been broken all week. If she didn't care about me or love me then I am sure she wouldn't message me at all. Hopefully time will bring us back together. I know she must miss me, she would always tell me this even when we were together. She would tell me she misses me when shes even with me while sleeping together.

[Mr Thinkalot]

its hard for her..im having a problem now and i am in her 6 yrs ex bf shoes..i would say probably her ex is feeling the same thing as u..if he still loves her..try giving her space for a while,but not too long..say for a few weeks..2 or 3 maybe..its super hard but do try..den text her and asked her out for lunch..something very casual and light..no talks abt relationship abt hw bad u feel..make urself look happy to meet her but dont overdo it..make the meet up short..end the day b4 u guys run out of something to say..end it in a high note and she may be leaving home,wanting for more fun times like tt..i hope..gd luck..

[sdjim]

Well I dont know what to do. So far this week she has facebooked me Wednesday, yesterday morning(sat). Called me yesterday afternoon because she needed directions to some where. Then facebook chatted me again this morning(sun) saying she liked my new profile picture. WTF. if she wants her space that I am trying to give her, why does she keep contacting me.I cant get her to miss me and want to get back with me if she keeps messaging me like this. I need her to know i am not to be taken lightly, because i will not be there for her anymore and I am not a crutch if I am not her boyfriend. I just need to not reply to her messages anymore, and not answer her calls. I need to make myself unavailable until she realizes that she really does need me in her life and what she truely has lost in not only a great boyfriend but a best friend.

I just dont want to come off like an a-hole that I am not returning calls, because the last thing i want to do is hurt her in any way, but this seems to be the only logical answer to maybe get her back.

because what if that next call is the wanna get back together call you know?

[sdjim]

Well This afternoon, she called me again. I didn't answer the first call, but she called me right again after so I thought it might have been an emergency and I answered. So she says she wants to meet up with me at my place, she misses me, wishes to hang out with me still... So I say come over... She says well you cant kiss me, etc tho. I say ok. Well she comes over. We hang out in my bed watching tv, and then we are hugging... Well she end up kissing me. Anyways, one thing led to another, and we hooked up. Well after we get cleaned up, etc... It is the same crap. She still needs time to figure her stuff out. I told her I was trying to give her space by not calling her, and contacting etc but she make the calls, etc. Well a week apart is basically thrown out the window and It felt like a month apart. She said that she is more hopeful than not that we will one day get together again... Although she doesn't want me to wait. WTF, this sucks. I told her i cant just be friends(again), that she must miss me in order to eventually want to get back with me. But I dont know. She could miss me, but meet someone new and go with it and forget me if the new person fills the void. So now I am thinking of seeing her every once and a while to keep me in her mind, and reinforce what she will miss in me. She wants to be friends while she figures out what she really wants, but this is not fair to me. Should I be friends for now or not? I dont want to get into the friend zone and not be able to ever get out again.