Hi,
I really need some help/advice. My partner and I recently have been sorting out a lot of our issues (we have just got back together after a year apart for "thinking time"). We are doing SO much better and very much enjoying each other and the relationship.
Because we're a lot more relaxed now and the trust has built up again between us, he has taken the opportunity to admit to me that he smokes and he has asked for me to help him quit. I really appreciate that he feels he can trust me in this way and I want to help him in any way I can - of course. There's one snag, I have a serious aversion to smoking and I can't explain why, I know it's totally irrational. In the past I've told him he can smoke if he wants to but that I don't want to see it or smell it ever, almost like pretending it isn't happening. Until now I had no idea he smokes.
Of course I didn't react in a negatively emotional way, thanking him for telling me and saying that i'll do anything to help him quit. However, I have a suspicion that his confession was more about him coming clean with me, rather than asking for help - either way, I'm glad he's involved me.
So there two things I'd like advice for really: firstly - I'd like to understand my irrational hate for him smoking and try and get over it in order to support him better, but knowing that I don't have to have smoking in my life because he chooses to have it in his. Secondly - I'd like some advice on how best to support him and interact with him. This has/is causing a rift between us and at this stage I would hate for our relationship to be negatively impacted because of something seemingly small. My partner knows how much I hate it and I think he's been very brave to tell me about this, but I think he's withdrawing from me because "it's too much hassle" and I know any problem in a relationship should be faced by both people working together - I feel like he's alone in this because I can't understand it from his side, and I feel very alone in this because I don't feel he understands my side and I'm just 'controlling' his life and making him unhappy.
PLEASE HELP. I don't know what to do.