Stay with him? or stay away??

[Crystal99]

What should I do? Should I get serious with this possible cheater?

I am having doubts about moving forward and getting more serious with him after this:


My man and I have been together for a bit over a year. WE don't spend every night together-he is busy and sometimes I am too. We went on vacation together last month.
A couple of weeks ago, I got an email from a girl describing a story about them two in detail. She told me they were exclusive for almost 2 years and they broke up 2 months ago. She said the reason she is writing is to inform me that he has been cheating on her, me, and a third girl in Florida who he visits every couple of months as well. The Florida girl found her through her Myspace and let her know about everything!!
She sent me proof like pics of them together lovey dovey, all his texts to her that she uploaded-some explicitly sexual. Also she sent me an online profile that belongs to him on a dating site PLUS an email from the dating site confirming he has the profile active still!!
She also told me she dumped him bc she caught him with a chick in his house. From what she says he was telling all the girls he wanted a future and he says the same to me.

Should I get serious and even think about marriage with this guy?

I mean I got all this info-pics, texts with times and dates from him till recently, even the myspace convo where th FLorida girl found her asking her about him and if "she knew him."

This girl described such detail of his house, he was with her on his bday and then with me as well. So many things make sense-gifts in his house from her like picture frames, ties, tie clips, vases, clothes etc. AND from the girl in Florida.

Is this guy a player? What should I do? Part of me wants to say "He is with me and MAYBE PREFERS ME OVER OTHERS AND LOVES ME..." but then again why was he with the others too?? He might do it if we get married to right?


Crystal

[J0rdan]

Well, he did already cheat on you three twice, which means he's probably gonna do it again and again.
I'd say you let go of him, even though that might be really hard for you since you seem to love him a lot.

[Chazza2k]

Hi Crystal99,

I'm sorry to here you found all this out and I'm sure it must be devasting. But better finding this out now than sometime in the future. To me it sounds like the guy is busy as a player like you said.

I can see you have feelings for him but I would question his feelings for you treating you so badly. Think of yourself in this, how could you ever trust someone like this again when he lies and sleeps around? who knows how many more times its happened and you haven't found out. I don't think this person is ready for marriage right now and the commitments that brings.

I'd say do yourself a favour and dump him and sever all contact with him and find someone who is more suited to you, your values and focus on that. It will be very difficult and painful in the short-term but I'm sure you will be able to get through it and find someone better.

[Heartstillfeels]

Hi Crystal,
This sucks it must hurt big time but really really you don't know how lucky you are to find out now before you married before you had kids. I was married to a huge liar and you know what once we seperated... people begin to tell me about oddities lies suspicions for 13 years not a word from anyone and then suddenly everything came out. It was terrible I seperated from him when I got my first suspicion something wasn't right I would of saved myself years if someone had told me whilst we were dating or early into our marriage ANYTHING. Nope....as awful as it is it is better to have this now you need to confront him and keep your eyes open. From what you said things fit. SO you subconciously noticed oddities that these other women have filled in for you. The bad thing about a liar or cheater is it is all about power and he must be pretty smooth to keep the balls in the air like this . He cares only about himself. You may fit the bill for him at the moment but.... people like that have no regrets they do what they do simply because they can. It is not logical but be thankful that his duplicity was brought to your attention. I need to say one other thing ... men like this often get away with lies because they isolate their women not only form eachother but others i.e. workmates friends family anyone that might mention an inconsistency . I would bet you have only uncovered a tip of the iceburg. Someone that lies so easily will not have qualms about money, all sorts of things . And from experience I can tell you that divorcing someone like that can be devistating. DOn't give your heart to someone you can't trust.