Hi there. First post. In a serious relationship.
Now. Apologies for the wall of text. Skip down to the mustache man for a simplified conclusion of the issue.
We have been having different opinions about the dishes lately. I know how silly this sounds but its driving me mad.
My gf/partner works full time. Im starting study in feb / march. I dont share her income, i have my own, but im bored most of the time at home. so, i DONT rely on her for money, that is clear.
I have basically agreed to cook for her and do dishes every night she works. I get that she is tired and she gets sore neck and shoulders.
Just before we left on the 30th for our new years holiday, i cleaned the entire house while she was out.
I seem to do most of the cleaning, although she does pitch in.. but it seems like I am left with the majority. She says it hurts her neck and shoulders to do them you see.. so whenever i bring it up, i get put in the 'selfish' or 'cruel' category, or whatever.
my current matter is that last night, we cooked equally, but then the dishes were just left. she had no intention of doing them.
we had a big talk like i like getting them done right after dinner so the place is clean. she likes to leave them and do them in her own time. but, if shes at work... then i'm obviously gonna end up doing them. i said well there just left for me, again..
i was sort of annoyed that she didnt do them.. so sourly i did them. she accused me of 'having a tantrum' and implied i was in the wrong to complain that she wasnt doing them because her shoulders have to be in good state before work tomorrow. she was very tired etc. i didnt really buy it. the problem is.. u cant fight easily with people who argue with ailments on their side.. because they can get very emotional.. BUT at the same time, how much are they just USING it. I get the feeling like she just hates doing dishes -.-
but i could be wrong. im really confused about this. i just thought it would have made sense she do them last night since i did the whole house before leaving.. yet now im the bad guy here. were didnt talk for the rest of the night. she left a note this morning saying how upset she was and that she feels betrayed.
she sounds like a bit of a princess but she is lovely and nice and sweet and we make a good couple but this is our current issue.
I really think the simplified issue is this.. Because i dont work and she does.. she expects me to do most / almost all of the housework. and i do. but even on her days off (3 of them) i still do some of it .. she definitely does some, but we still have some fights about it. she really does get sore neck and shoulders, i know this to be true.. but last night felt unfair.. i asked her how were her shoulders and she said fine.. but didnt do them.. but then argued that she didnt do them because it would hurt them.. but i think she just didnt THINK about doing them cause the time didnt suit her.
I have no idea here. because i dont work.. should i just be happy to do them all the time? it just seems that.. because i DO this, she should want to do them when she has the opportunity.. and that note saying she felt betrayed this morning.. she just hated that i brought up the dishes last night.. it was so right for her to leave them for me even though i had done so much before our holiday -.-
is she being unfair, or should i just shut up and do them? really hate this. she is very stubborn in a fight and so am i so its tearing us apart. thanks for your opinions.