Is there any hope?

[CoreyHi]

I met my fiancé two years ago through work. We slowly built a relationship and began dating over the next year. I fell in love with her first. Every typical red flag you’ll hear about within searching for a partner, she possessed. But I saw a part of her that completely made me admire, respect, and love her. We were never intimate and kissed only once over that year. I stopped pursuing other women but I knew she was still seeing other men.

There was a stint in which she got back together with an Ex and we stopped talking. After this Ex cheated on her she came to me, pleading as to why we weren’t together. She didn’t deserve me, had unresolved feelings with ex, didn’t trust herself not to hurt me, things of that nature. We were back and forth being on and off again for a few months until she found out she was pregnant. I was one of the first people she told, and again plead with me that she was sorry for doing it and didn’t want to end what we were(we were still not exclusive or ‘official’ at this point). She told the father, and he responded with not believing her and threats. His disbelief can’t be faulted, as I would come to find out she had slept with three different men in this period.

Shortly after telling me she was pregnant, she was forced to move out of where she was staying because she found out she was recorded having sex with one of these men in the home. She was staying at this place rent free with a male friend of hers, and he had told her to not do any of that in his place, he had proof of multiple accounts. All of these things she admitted to me while staying in a hotel with her mother visiting from out of state, and asked if after knowing all these things about her, that I could ever forgive her and be with her. I said I could, because I still knew the loving and strong person in her that she was dying to be. I got a job in my career field, we became exclusive and she moved in with me. We decided to not involve her ex in her life anymore and I would raise the child with her.

The next 10 months or so were really good. We moved out of my apartment after a couple months and into a home she bought. I cared for her through her pregnancy and we loved each other. We were genuinely happy and always wanted to be together. She brought out a lot in me that I had never given to anyone in my life, I was able to actually feel alive and with a purpose again. I showed her that she was worth it, and could be the person she has always strived to without self-destructive tendencies. We regularly talked about our future, marriage, kids. We loved each other in a way I didn’t understand until I met her. We got through the pregnancy, birth, and first couple months of raising our son.

She returned to work and began talking a lot to one of her male co-workers which worked beneath her. I didn’t like how much they talked and how it continually progressed to being hurtful to me. We argued about it a number of times over a few months until I began not trusting her at all anymore. They texted regularly, sometimes about things I felt were inappropriate. After seeing a sequence of him admitting to a dream they were dating, and her saying it’s not that crazy to imagine, we fought again. That fight lasted a few days, and ended with her saying she doesn’t think we can work out. She didn’t understand what she was feeling for him, and hated herself again for doing it to me. I admitted faults in our relationship; not continuing excitement, neglecting her at times due to stress of baby and hospital bills, us working opposite shifts and not having much time together. It didn’t matter, she was immediately back to not believing in herself or us and we separated.

I moved all my things out of the house, which was basically everything in the home, and back to my apartment whose lease was still active for a short while. We talked, fought, and cried a lot of the following month. During this time she was seeing him, he was in our home, and around my son. I didn’t understand why she was doing it and neither did she. The situation for her was she was unable to pay all her bills with me gone, and in a relationship that could get her fired. We tried working things out once and getting back together, that lasted about a week until I found out she was still seeing him. I signed a new lease at a new place, and told her I was done talking to her. She continued trying to talk to me or reach out to me during that time but I didn’t respond. The majority of her messages told me she still wasn’t ready, because it consisted of her trying to make me feel bad for giving up or trying to forget about her. That wasn’t the case at all, she knew I loved and would never stop loving her. But I knew she was still seeing him while saying these things to me.

After about a month she showed up at my new apartment. Pleading as to why she was sorry and everything she would do to make it right. This started badly, because she was still talking to him when she came to me. I told her if she was serious that would’ve already been over and she’d be ready to prove to me I could trust her again. She left and came back a week later. Virtually same thing happened as first time. I know she loves me and I love her, so let her stay. I made her tell him they were over and to promise they’d stop talking. She began staying at my apartment with our son regularly. It wasn’t perfect, I didn’t trust her, and didn’t believe she was serious because everything she needed to be doing I had to tell her to do.

She slipped multiple times and continued talking to him than trying to hide it from me. I have access to her phone logs and know how to backup deleted texts, she knows this yet kept doing it then lying to me about it. We had sex one time during this period, and I reacted badly to it. We didn’t use protection and I finished inside her. I felt like it was a mistake and felt like she was only doing it because I wanted her to, just like everything else. She claimed to not wanting to have sex again yet until we resolved other problems, which is understandable and probably right. A week later, she was talking to him again and staying at his house for a few days after work while I was at work. I confront her, large fight, kick her out.

I struggled with myself that whole night as to what to do. I couldn’t give up on her yet and didn’t want to lose my son. I woke up, bought an engagement ring and proposed. She said yes, we moved her things into my apartment and tried again. Again, about a week later, I found her making calls to him again. I had told her countless times at this point that it is not okay, no matter what they are talking about. I began packing all her stuff in front of her and telling her to get out again. During this time she was throwing objects and punching me, saying things to me I never thought she could and how our son would never see me again. She wouldn’t get out and I couldn’t call the cops on her knowing it would hurt my son. I called her mom, she talked to both of us, and begged me to let her get some rest there so she can calm down.

When she woke up we talked calmly, I tried explaining to her how hurt I am by her continued betrayal and lies. I felt I had done everything I could to prove to her she meant everything to me and I loved her. That she didn’t need to keep making all the wrong choices and was strong enough to prove it to me. I let her stay, we went to her family Christmas parties where she announced the engagement to her family. Things were still really tense over the next week but getting better, then it happened again. I confronted her when she woke up, and basically just felt completely defeated. All the resolve and certainty I had in who she was, what she really wanted, and her love for me, wasn’t clear anymore. I wanted to give up and didn’t feel like I could keep being strong enough for both of us to keep it going. She walked into the bathroom, took a pregnancy test, came and handed the positive result to me. I laid on the floor for half the day not saying much of anything, didn’t know what to say anymore.

She had slept with him the day before I proposed to her, and again a few weeks prior. I tried to ignore the pregnancy factor and determine whether or not I could attempt to work things out of with her with through everything she’s done and continues to do. Decided to schedule a meeting with a therapist together, something she had said she wanted to do when she first came back which made me believe she knew she was wrong but didn’t know how to stop.

I made the man in question and her all meet with me at my apartment. The conversation was primarily going to be about the child, and what will happen if it turned out to be his. They were both rather unresponsive and uncomfortable. He admitted to being afraid of me, and she was obviously ashamed. It was a rather awkward conversation to say the least, and very little was said by either of them. At one point I asked her who she wanted to be with, she didn’t say me. She described who she wanted to be with, but wouldn’t admit to it being me with him there, something she’ll say to me in private immediately. I was done after that, and told her to drive him to work.

She continues to talk to him, saying it’s only about the baby. I don’t know whether to believe her or not, because I frankly don’t trust her. She still does things that hurt me, and if I show or god forbid tell her that it hurts me, it becomes my fault for guilting her and not trusting her. Rarely will she admit she’s wrong or try to make me understand why she does something. I’m forced to stomach everything that happens and try not to show my unhappiness, out of fear that she’ll give up or become overly stressed and miscarry. She’s closed off and scared, and has no sense of self-worth or strength to fight for us again.
I have next to no hope anymore. I love her to death and know she loves me, but have no idea how to get back to where we were. I’m paying for the paternity test myself in a month, and our first therapy appointment is in a few weeks. I’m once again, taking care of her and supporting her, but don’t believe we have any chance of working out if the baby isn’t mine. Even if it is, if she continues speaking to him, I will never be happy in a relationship with her again. The baby being mine and progress from therapy are my very last things to cling onto for hope, and am terrified as to what will happen if they don’t end in our favor.

[4 ratties]

No. No hope at all. For you, this cheating skank or those innocent children. Ever heard of birth control u idiots?!

[Valixy]

Corey, you're only 25, but still this is no excuse for allowing to be manipulated and disrespected like you did and still do.

I know she loves me, but have no idea how to get back to where we were.

She's doesn't love you. A woman who loves a man does not do any of those things, no matter how screwed she is. A woman who doesn't love a man and has zero principles will lie and cheat and say that she doesn't know why she does it. Get it? As a matter of fact every time you put up with her lying and cheating, she hurt you and humiliated more and more, so forgiving her or any cheating partner, will not bring back love and respect in your life, quite the contrary. Do you honestly think that you need more proofs than the ones you've already had?! Learn your lesson once, will you?

The best thing for you would be not to be the father of her second child. If you are, you should try to get as much evidence as you can of her lies and cheating and file for custody, if possible. Then have the minimum contact with her established through court. If you aren't the father, be grateful, move on and don't ever speak with her again, unless you really want this nightmare to continue and you haven't got any self-respect, common sense and manhood left in you.

What happened to you is not normal. She's a serial cheater but you have serious issues.

I love her to death

You need to look for therapy, because what you call love is codependency and you definitely need to learn with the help of a professional to respect yourself and discriminate between people who are worth it and can bring a positive influence in your life and human garbage.

Still wondering if there is any hope after everything that happened just shows how distorted your mind and emotions are and how much you need to look for professional help and start reeducating yourself about loving someone in the right way and having a healthy love relationship. Finally do yourself some good and treat this as a first priority and you'll forever appreciate it.

[Wakeup]

Get yourself into therapy, son. I think she's beyond any help that will actually make her a better person but you're young enough to get yourself into a better state of self-love, confidence and to at the very least, form some personal boundaries that you'll adhere to and that would consequently alert you to get away from skanky, BPDisorderd-like women that have obviously had very troubled childhoods.

This woman is not in love with anyone. You cannot love anyone (in the true sense which manifests in actions) when she does not love herself. That goes for you too. You've White Knight Snydrome issues, Codependency conscerns, you lack self-respect to the 9th degree. You by all accounts have suffered the hell of becoming addicted to someone that very much sounds like she has boarderline personality disorder. Google all those "isms" i mention and then get help for yourself. Go zero contact from her and her mental illness.