in a difficult situation

[zubair95]

im a teenager, gonna turn 17 after 2 months. and my girlfriend is almost 15. iknow we're really young to be in love, but come on, its love and nobody has any control over it. many people say what we have is just some teenage infatuation. but i know this is alot more. we've been together for 2 years now. we love eachother more than anything else, and she's my first love. so am i to her. and we definitely dont wana lose eachother! we're still loyal to each other, and i do trust her. before few months, i moved away into a different city. we're miles apart from eachother and its really hard for us cuz we didnt see eachother for so long and i miss her touch. so here's the problem. 2 days ago, her parents came to know about us. they're very furious and they took her cell phone and wont let her sit on the pc anymore. they threatened her that they're gna call my parents and complain. and btw our families we good friends. but now that we moved, our parents dont talk much. so yeah, she's been crying alot lately and somehow managed to talk to me. she wanted me to confess to my parents too that we're in love. cuz one way or the other, they're gna come to know about it. so iwas very scared and all, but finally gained courage to talk to my mum. when she was in kind of a good mood today afternoon, i went up to her and smoothly started the convo. tbh she guessed what iwas gna say cuz she's been keeping a watch on me and saw me chatting with her alot. so now after i told her everything, she started giving me a lecture. yea its obvious, about studies and all. that this age is not for falling in love but for studying hard and thinking about ur future. i do know that! and i promised her i'd concentrate on my studies and try not to talk to her alot. but here's the difficult situation. her family is abit low class, and my parents dont like it. they're like 'did u see the way they speak? they're not even educated much' and all that shit. iwas like idc about the family, im in love with her, and i need her in my life. well she's educated and just a year junior to me. im doing my alevels and she's gna be done with her igcse's in may. so im like 'she's gna become a doctor or an engineer, whats the problem with that?' but she just keeps talking about their family im worried now, i really wana get married to her one day and i cant do it by upsetting my parents:'( we need their well wishes, we cant just elope what am i supposed to do now? i needed answers from experienced people, and here iam and my dad is so not gna agree to that cuz he hates her family:'( im scared of saying it to him, and told mum to keep it as a secret. hope she does:'( she wants me to just stop it, but u know its not possible:'( we've been together for way long and we keep talking everyday! i just cant break her heart we really love eachother and we cant stay apart we planned our whole future together ='(

[devonbrown]

Just a couple of things that you are going to say you already know, but I think it is important to say anyway. And hopefully you will think over.

- You are 17. She is 15. Why are thinking about marriage and long term futures right now? Enjoy right now. Realities can interfere later.
- You say you have been dating for two years now. Which means she was 13 when you started dating. Now think back to what you were like 4 years ago. Were you ready to "fall in love" or be in anything serious? I would guess not. Chances are, neither was she. But she wasn't aware enough of herself to make that determination. Same way you wouldn't have been aware enough at that time. Only now, 4 years later, can you reflect on it and recognize your growth. You have to give her that same opportunity to grow. And to recognize her growth. If you keep pushing the relationship, she will never get a chance to understand who she is as a person.

Finally, and this is less about this situation but more in general for your future relationships. You are never going to be able to please everyone. And neither should you try to please everyone. If your parents have a bias/prejudice, that is their issue. You can only control your life. Recognize it for what it is and have enough strength in your own convictions to do the things you think are right.

Good luck.

[LdFilip]

well...i will skip right to issues with parents...

...none of parents will be totaly happy when their kid come home with somebody (literaly said),unles they choose your partner themselves...so what to do?...

...tell them normaly that you love her and who she is...dont say anything more...after some time,when they cool down (even if they dont),you can talk about it,but not like asking for a permission...talk about it as about a done thing.You are with her and thats it,no more discussion about permissions or anything like that. They have to accept it and if not,its their problem.And dont worry,after some time they will get used to it.Cos parents can tell you that they dont agree or dont like it,but thats all.They wont kill you,or lock you until the rest of your life.

You can believe me,i had pretty the same problem...just that my gf is from another country,dont speak a language my parents understand to,i hadnt see her before she came to me and she is six years older than me

[zubair95]

i really appreciate ur understanding bro. yes i do agree we're still young, and might have made immature decisions. but our love has grown. 2 years ago it wasn't as strong as it is today. iknow it cuz right now im so damn crazy about her, and iknow she feels the same about me. the thing is, we just cant stop it or breakup like that. i never want to break up with her! tbh i have no frickin interest in any other girl and im so gna stay loyal to her for the rest of my life cuz i trust her and iknow she wont hurt me. its just the parent issues going on. her parents told her to lose contact with me, and so did mine. but we cant live like this. from the beginning of our relationship, we've been texting and calling eachother like 24/7! ireally dunno how to live like this! thakyou loads for ur help anyways, really appreciate it! i just hope we can last forever. cuz idk whats gna happen to me without her. im one of those 'one woman' kinda person. if i lose her, im gna stay single forever.</3

u myt be thinking im such a fag, but thats me

[bulrush]

- If you live with your parents, you have to follow their rules.
- If your parents will pay for the wedding, you have to follow their rules.

That pretty much sums it up.

u myt be thinking im such a fag, but thats me

No, I don't think you are a cigarette.

[zubair95]

LdFilip, thankyou so much for the help
i realize that if iwant my parents to be happy, im gna have to leave her. but im never gna do that cuz i love her way too much. and i really want my parents to agree to our relationship. hope when time comes, they realize how happy we will be together. i have a long time ahead to get married, so ryt now ient thinking abt that much. im really worried abt how we're gna continue our relationship now that our parents have come to know. they want us to stop talking to eachother cuz they think its gna affect our studies. and my parents wont allow me to be friends with her cuz they think their family is not proper educated-_- ijust dont get it, ytf do they care? its my life and she's my choice! im not gna marry some random girl they chose! i love her and its her im gna spend the rest of my life with.