Hi I am a 21 year old male and I've never had a girlfriend. The most I've had with girls in the past is just having crushes on each other, and a couple random hook ups at college parties where I never even knew the girls name and was really drunk anyways. I have just always been too shy around girls and I am really bad at talking/flirting or showing interest in them, pretty sad i know . However I CAN talk to them as friends and i don't really have much trouble becoming good friends with girls. They just don't see me in a romantic way.
Anyways I am posting here because recently I have been talking to one of my old high school friends a whole lot. She's had a boyfriend for 3.6 years but I am afraid I am starting to have very strong feelings for her. We talk to each other basically everyday and hang out with each other a lot. I will sacrifice a lot of time to chat with her online, I pretty much think about how great she is all day, and I can't really think of many better things I would rather do then listen to how her day went. I am currently studying for my LSAT exam to get into law school and have a strict study schedule, but if she messages me on msn messenger i will not hesitate to just talk to her for however long she wants. When we aren't talking I often feel very sad that I can't have her (due to her boyfriend) but also I know that she only sees me as a friend and if I were to tell her that I have feelings for her I think she would be creeped out. I hate how she can talk to me this much and only still view me as a friend >:0. But that is probably because when i talk to her i don't really show signs of liking her and i talk to her about other girls i think are cute when in reality she is the ****in cutest girl to me in the world LOL sigh. I know i probably should stop talking to her so much and whatever but its hard because im so attracted to her and if she messages me there's no way i'm going to deny her.
I know these are normally typically signs that I am falling in love with her and what not, but here is my concern and question: do you guys think that i am only feeling this way about her because i have never been in a relationship before and i am longing for someone to love me? do i even really know what love is, i mean I've never had a girlfriend. I suspect these could just be feelings of obsession/depression due to being alone for so many years more so than feelings of true love and attraction.
I know that this is a lot of info and i might be asking too much for your guys' input but this situation has been pretty tough on me and i really just wanted a place to vent and let my feelings out because i can't talk about this to any of my friends or family. we have a large amount of mutual friends and it would be too embarassing to let anyone know i have feelings for her, I'm even pretty dam good friends with her boyfriend. Nobody knows how much i actually talk to her, and this is just getting really difficult someone tell me somethign please!!!!!! If you have read all this until now i really appreciate it and i welcome any kind of input. Thank you.