His very high sex drive

[tzna]

I've been dating a guy exclusively for 3 weeks. I've known him for a couple of months prior to that. Everything is going well. We had decided to take things slow which we did in some aspects (like getting to know each other before plunging into a relationship), but with sex...things happened pretty fast. We're both very attracted to each other, so we both enjoy being intimate. HOWEVER, I've only recently discovered that he has a VERY high sex drive. Considering he's very young and he's a guy, this is understandable. He also says his hormones are very "high" which also makes sense because he's very hairy haha. In the beginning, when I was barely getting to know him, I would feel flattered when he would say that he was getting "hard" and that I was getting him horny. But now that I know this happens all the time, even when I'm not with him, I don't feel too special anymore. Now I kinda feel like I'm a tool that he wants to use to relieve himself. Like I said, he's very young and in his prime, so it's understandable, but knowing that he's horny almost ALL the time makes me feel less special. He gets hard for no reason at all. And then he calls me so I can "help" him. We've only been intimate two or three times because we don't get time alone too often, but when we do...it's bound to happen. So I've been thinking of laying off sex for a while. Even though I'll be suffering too because I want him! But only this way I'll know if he cares about me in a nonsexual way, right? Is it cruel of me to do this?

[ransom_nite]

Yeahh like you said it's common for young boys to be "horny" all the time but not having sex with him on purpose even when you want it isn't fair. We can't help getting "hard" and "horny" for no reason at all, it just happens, so i doubt he's using you just for sex. Surely you can find a way to know if he cares about you without depriving yourselves from sex, which you should already have know before getting into a relationship with him.

[tzna]

ransom, you're right. And I do know he cares for me. He shows me all the time that he cares for me, he really likes me, he calls me, texts me, keeps in contact constantly and is always attentive. But...ahhh...I don't know, I guess it's my insecurities. Because he's younger than me, I sometimes convince myself that he's only a boy after all. He's mature in all other aspects but the fact that he's horny all the time reminds me that he's just a boy, and this bothers me a little because I'd like to feel special. Heck, I know he gets horny by just watching girls on tv. I guess I can't understand this because I'm a girl and don't go through this...

[ransom_nite]

ransom, you're right. And I do know he cares for me. He shows me all the time that he cares for me, he really likes me, he calls me, texts me, keeps in contact constantly and is always attentive. But...ahhh...I don't know, I guess it's my insecurities. Because he's younger than me, I sometimes convince myself that he's only a boy after all. He's mature in all other aspects but the fact that he's horny all the time reminds me that he's just a boy, and this bothers me a little because I'd like to feel special. Heck, I know he gets horny by just watching girls on tv. I guess I can't understand this because I'm a girl and don't go through this...

Look it's still natural for him to look at other girls, but if you say he treats you well and he really likes you i don't really see a problem. Depending how young he actually is, after a year or two his hormones will get past that super horny stage, I wouldn't be too concerned

[tzna]

Look it's still natural for him to look at other girls, but if you say he treats you well and he really likes you i don't really see a problem. Depending how young he actually is, after a year or two his hormones will get past that super horny stage, I wouldn't be too concerned

Ok, I'm glad to hear this because like I said, I would be suffering too! You're right, it's not really something you guys can control...

[Cbrider]

Lol, look at it this way, he could have ED and be just the opposite. The fact that hes horny when you're around should just be a compliment, I mean its not like he walks around public with a raging hard on when he sees another girl.

Life is good Tzna, just go with it if he really likes you

[boobaa]

What is it that you want, exactly?

[tzna]

What is it that you want, exactly?

I don't know exactly, I feel a little insecure sometimes and his high sex drives bothers me because I know that even looking at OTHER girls gets him horny, and he's horny all the time...so I guess I wanted to "punish" him in a way, by not giving in to sex so easily. But that's kind of unfair and immature of me I guess, especially since he can't control his hormones and he treats me well, he hasn't done anything wrong.

[TheGreek]

If he calls you, texts you, and checks up on you often, I doubt he's just using you for sex.

[Aeradalia]

I don't know exactly, I feel a little insecure sometimes and his high sex drives bothers me because I know that even looking at OTHER girls gets him horny, and he's horny all the time...so I guess I wanted to "punish" him in a way, by not giving in to sex so easily. But that's kind of unfair and immature of me I guess, especially since he can't control his hormones and he treats me well, he hasn't done anything wrong.

Sex drive is more or less involuntary. If you base a person's affections purely on their drive then you will open yourself up to all kinds of insecurities. I can assure you that if my boyfriend did that he would undoubtedly pull his hair out because my drive is as high, if not higher than his own.

The idea of "punishing" the guy by not giving in to sex is a double-edged sword. It may work at first, but may lead to a guy eventually leaving.

Just take comfort in knowing that in spite of his high drive, he's still with you. That in itself should be a compliment.

[HeavyArtillery]

Bang his brains out, be his personal sex toy, watch porn with him, play videogames with him, blow him and make sure he sees you swallow, let him defile you and bring him beer.

He will be your husband in no time.

Then you can feel free to withhold all the sex you want.

[Sureality]

You're special because he choses to be with you. The fact that he has a strong sex drive is a gift to you why in the world would you punish both of you for that. It's unfair to both of you and I guaruntee it won't get rid of your insecurities. Don't play stupid games have more sex until he's all used up and can't take it anymore or you die trying. At least you'll go out happy.

[lesa]

Bang his brains out, be his personal sex toy, watch porn with him, play videogames with him, blow him and make sure he sees you swallow, let him defile you and bring him beer.

He will be your husband in no time.

Then you can feel free to withhold all the sex you want.

I'd prefer the other way around. Conservative first and then a freak in bed later.

I'd rather lose a boyfriend then a husband. If he dumps me for no sex after 3 weeks of dating (!) then good, he is not the man for me. But to go from freak in bed to prude in bed....ha, even I would probably divorce my husband if he did something like that. He better think of something quickly if he suddenly lost some abilities.

Tzna, you guys decided to take some aspects slow like getting to know someone before a relationship but have sex early in the relationship?

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

I'm with Lesa here. If at any point you plan to withhold sex from me, do it before I say "I do". Cuz if we were dating and you gave me wild sex and proposed to me and we got married, you better have the same wild sex you was giving me before we vowed to be together, if not better.

Isnt giving good sex in the vows? I think I heard it somewhere in there

[Asparagoose]

But only this way I'll know if he cares about me in a nonsexual way, right?

The only thing you might find out is if he's desperate or has other options. The way you'll find that out is if he'll stay or leave after you stop having sex.

As far as him caring about you in nonsexual ways, that's not something you can ever find out through sex. I think someone here already said it. If he calls you, texts you, takes you out for more than hot dogs, talks about you to his friends, you get the sense that he's happy when he's around you and you're both doing stuff, and you can pick up on the fact that he enjoys making you happy.

Is it cruel? It depends. If he doesn't like you, then he just finds someone else and there's no problem. If he likes you, then he has to either tolerate no sex or lose interest in you and find someone else. You said it yourself, he's in a stage in his life where sex is important to him.

Then again, it could just be a test. I know guys who do this, to see how the other person is going to react. How the girl is going to handle the information, if she's going to be considerate or selfish; if she's going to try and use it against him or see it as something she can do to make him happy. Maybe he doesn't really have a high sex drive at all. Maybe he's just testing you.