Today was perhaps the most interesting day for a long time. I was playing poker with some friends, and I was winning quite well, but never bluffing. I played carefully for three hours, winning with a strategic strategy. Then I just decided to have a go and start winning a few hands by bluffing. I never bluff, firstly because I'm not good at it, and secondly I'm afraid of losing. But this time I gave it a go and started winning some hands by bluffing. On my way home, I had a brain explosion, so I turned off the radio and started to think. Earlier in the day, I saw perhaps the most amazing girl out of all the girls I'd seen throughout the day, this is the one that stopped me in my tracks. I remember being so captivated by her, that all I could do was look at her in awe, kind of in an obsessed state. It wasn't until I was driving home that it hit me, about how I lacked the courage to do anything about it, just like I did in poker. I feel as if through the obsession of looking at her, I'd forgotten about everything that actually mattered. I definitely had plenty of opportunities to do something about it but didn't. I realized that this is what I do all the time, and its why I can't communicate with women I find attractive. I do this all the time, and I think its something that's been a part of me since I was young, as Ive always been obsessed with collecting magazine images of women, which lead to internet stuff. But it was the whole mentality of saving something for later, rather than living the moment. It kind of makes me feel like I'm a perv most of the time, because I'm so busy looking at women, that I forget to actually go up and talk to them.
I started to think about all the things I should have or could have done, like
throw the ball in front of her, and pick it up, so I could get an opportunity to say something.
Say straight up, I think you're cute, but thats only a small part of it, I'd really like to know you more as a person, or a little bit more about you..............
but I did nothingand now I'm kicking myself, because I'm never going to get this chance again, and I'll die wondering. I have to say, I'm in my 30s, and this is one I'll never forget, out of all the times its happened, I regret this the most, as she was perhaps the most captivating. The last time I had my opportunity and lost it, miraculously I got given a second chance, I saw the girl again, asked her out, and got rejected in an average way. I felt bad for a week, but I'm so glad I did it. So why haven't I learned from that?
So whats the worst that could have happened?
I'm married
I'm in a relationship
You're too short
Your ugly
wouldn't date you if you were the last guy on earth
beaten up by boyfriend (maybe)
I'm sure i'd get over it, but still I couldn't do it, maybe due to fear, but also to the above.
If there is one thing I want and need to build on; it's courage, and it doesn't come easy. Hopefully I can go in with a yolo attitude next time and have the courage to go all in.
I don't really care if I don't get any replies, I'm really glad to get this out there. but feel free to comment with advice, or your own stories of courage.