Is it worth beginning a relationship?

[xbeautifulwordx]

I started a new job over a month ago. One of the employees is about 8 years older than me. We have this chemistry that is undeniable. However, I am a college grad and got a job in management. He is going to community college and works at 2 minimum wage jobs. I always thought that I would be with someone who is successful but lately, I have been with men who treat me bad. He could potentially treat me really well. Is it worth it to give it a try? Or am I lowering my standards?

[ilovemygirl]

Since you've been treated badly by people in your past, you could learn from those experiences. Giving something a try, means you're open to those opportunities. But you better be careful of your heart. If you're a college grad, that means you have a lot of years to go in life. You don't have to rush in getting into a romantic relationship. If you feel something for the person, it's best to get to know them first. Like really get to know them. I don't think you can get to know a person in just a month though.

The proper standards should be true love. What is success, if there is no true love. True love is not only feelings, but also principle.
I don't know your past relationships, but were they led by feelings alone?...
Something I've learned, people can be manipulated by their feelings. A person can be nice to you, make you feel good, but then suddenly everything changes. That's why don't let your feelings determine love. Cause it could just be infatuation. Your feelings could just be a cue for something.

Try to be friends first. Refrain from intimacy, because intimacy can trigger feelings. Triggered for the purpose of good or bad. Not letting your feelings be the determinant allows you to think of principles that would let you know if it IS worth it. Don't settle for "potentially treat" you well. But make sure "you will be treated well".

Starting as friends gives you a good foundation. If you found out that you don't want it to be a romantic relationship, at least you have a new friend. If you find out you do want it to be a romantic relationship, then the good foundation you've created will make the bond stronger.

So if you're feeling something (cue) then try the relationship (opened opportunity), friendly relationship. But don't let feelings (infatuation) lead you, let it be determined by principles (love). Be careful of your heart.

"Don't let your heart lead you, but lead your heart." - Someone, Somewhere lol.


Hope the reply helped.

[xbeautifulwordx]

That helped a lot. I'm actually 27. So I'm not as young as you think. The thing about him is, he's a cigarette smoker and he doesn't have a drivers license. I know that true love should be a standard but shouldn't there be more than that?

[ilovemygirl]

Yup, twenty-seven. I still think you have a lot of years to go in life. so much more to do in other aspects of your life, i.e. your career.
of course that's just my opinion, especially coming from a different cultural background.

Could you elaborate more on what you meant by "shouldn't there be more than that".
How would you describe what true love is for you?. And what standards do you have in mind.
if you don't mind sharing them, by the way. I don't fully understand the question, but allow me to share some more that may be of use.

Seeing as you said that he's a cigarette smoker, and he doesn't have a driver's license, that means you are examining the person in contrast to your......., preference, if I may describe it that way. That's okay, because, if I may state a principle, "infatuation is blind, but love sees and examines".

This is what I meant by true love's standards. That it is based on principles and not feelings alone and that is an example of a principle. When you examined the person, that means you asserted before you make a decision. that's what "sees and examines" means.

We are talking about true love here. You might ask, what if he smokes and doesn't have a driver's license but is a really loving person?
Again, principles. Always remember to think about principles before you make decisions on love, not just feelings. Whatever the person is, it's best to get to know them fully, as how i described on the previous reply.

If you have examined the person, and found out that they smoke, etc., it doesn't mean you would shut them down. But like I said, stick to principles. As an example, "infatuation is obsessed with externals, but love is concerned with internals". If this principle was something you believed in, then the cigarettes thing, or any external features, would not entirely be a determinant for your decision. But you would try to get to know them more. And maybe find out they are actually a loving person whom you would love too. That there is something there worth it to build a romantic relationship. And if it is true love for both sides, and you don't really like it when someone smokes, then they would stop for you. And if you wanted them to have a drivers license, you may talk about it and make plans for it. Uplifting them to achieve something. etc. etc

Forgive me for underlining the word "principle" multiple times in this reply. I just want to point out, principles is important in determining true love. It's kinda hard to explain the big picture right now. But with enough conversation exchanges, we both may hopefully learn something....

Let me tell you a story that came to my mind right now.

There was a lady married to a man. The lady was so burdened by how the man treated her. He was a tyrant. Before going to work, He would give her a list of things to do from the moment she woke up till the day ended. Wake up 5 in the morning. Do the laundry. Make food. Do some more household work. etc. When he returns, he would thoroughly inspect and make sure that the list was completed the way it was instructed.

At one point in time, the man was called to serve for the army. During his service, he died... leaving the lady a widow. Fortunately the lady would find another man that she would love and would love her back. They get married and live a good life for each other.

One time when the lady was cleaning, she found a piece of paper. It was one of the list that her old husband would give her. Thinking to herself how horrible the man was. She then looked at the list one item at a time.

" '* Wake up 5 in the morning'........ Hmm, I still wake up 5 in the morning."
" '* Do the laundry.'........ I still do the laundry."
" '* Make food'....... after those, I still make food."
" I still do all these things."
"And I'm happy right now".

So what was different? seeing that all the things she did before, she still does now. Well, the difference is love. She didn't love her first husband because his character was not favorable to her. and the way he would treat her. But her current life long partner loved her, and her, him. You can see here what's the difference between having and not having love.

So it is very important that before concluding your love, you must make sure it IS love. how?, principles. there are lots.


I'm sorry for the long replies and explanations. Hopefully something makes some sense to you.
Have a great day ahead.


P.S.
I was going to insert a link to a picture of an old couple in compensation for the long replies but apparently i'm not yet allowed to post links. hehehe
Search "old couples in love" at google images. may you get giggles