How to deal with this

[Yagami]

New member here, greetings everyone.

First just wanna say, I´m from a country in West Europe, don´t want to specify but i´m not from Zimbabwe as the flag indicates.

I´d like to share some thoughts about this situation and know some opinions (I will try to not make a wall of text), so there is a girl I like (first I should say there is a considerable age gap she is 15 i´m 20 and we don´t leave near each other something like 200-250 km of difference, I see this girl in holidays only, this are two main issues). She is from a family in the neighbourhood (in the same street) of our holidays house, that our family know and we have a very good relationship (with her family). I also know her for some years, and what I feel about this, i´m not really sure if I really like her, or if it is more of a fraternal kind of feeling. I would like her to notice me more, to be more interested in me (and that´s a little bit strange for me because I mean I´m a kind of guy that doesn´t like to be noticed, i´m very calm person don´t want to be the centre of attention), I´d like to cuddle her, protect her those kind of things, that´s why I say I don´t know if I really like her or if I feel she is a like a sister to me. This summer when we went there (on holidays) it was a bit awkward to be with her because she didn´t even talk to me (even when I was at her house). I think it is a because she is growing up, most of time she is on her phone or on the computer doesn´t talk too much, it´s part of a teenage behaviour and also when we are with our parents sometimes it´s difficult to have a conversation, well actually i´m not very social also (like I said, i´m a shy guy, i don´t have many friends, only had 1 girlfriend) i´m the kind of person that most of the time is quiet and only talks if I really think I have something interesting to say otherwise I stay quiet I recognize i´m a bit cold.

So as I said she is not even talking to me, it´s not because she is mad but she just seems uninterested and that hurts me a little because I would like to talk to her but don´t know how to get her attention. She goes on Facebook, Ask, I can say she is popular, she has a lot of friends (something like 1000 on Facebook) but well that is a normal thing in teen people nowadays specially girls I don´t really agree with that, because they give much attention to that and most of that people don´t even care about them, but that is a discussion for another section I´d make another post then. This is an awkward feeling but I kinda feel like I deserved more because she is giving attention to all those random guys and all that people that keep saying things like you´re beautiful but don´t even know her and ignoring what is around her, I mean I don´t talk a lot, but I´ve always been there, helping her when she needed, having fun I go there on holidays mainly because of her so it´s not cool. Last year for example, we talked more, had some fun, she was sad when I said goodbye. I also know from conversations she had with her friends she finds me attractive (not that it means really a lot, that was never the main issue for me, i´m not a Brad Pitt but I consider myself to be pretty), but I don´t know what she thinks aside from that.

Also there is other thing that is interesting, she has an older sister but she has a weird relationship with her family (including with her I mean they barely talk and clearly have a tense relationship don´t know why) I think she is 19 now but she went out of her house some years ago I think she is living with someone of his family her grandparents, aunt something like that. She is a little bit like her sister, personality and appearance wise, and this is also awkward but I kinda like her also, she is attractive but well in a different of way of the girl i´m talking about. I sent her a friend request on facebook but she didn´t answer so she´s probably not very interested (talking about the older sister now) but also this summer when I was there I saw her at a party and she was approaching me and smiling so that confused me a little. But still i´m not really interesting in her, I think.

So yeah.. that´s pretty much it. Like I said I like the younger girl and would like at least to get more close to her, I understand it will be difficult for us to really be together some day (because of the geographical distance) or even date because she is still young but I would like her to at least know what I feel and talk properly with her about this.

[4 ratties]

I hate to be a downer.. And maybe others will really disagree with me.. But I would never waste my time on a 15 year old girl when you are an adult. Especially one that is so far away. A 15 year old girl in high school is going to go through so many changes from 15 to 16 to 17 to 20... Her mind is going to be changing and growing and her life is going to be very active.. Proms, dances, report cards, college. I would not hold her back from all that and try to have an adult relationship with her because she is a child....
Go for the 19 year old, she is more on the same page in life as you

[Yagami]

Thanks for your opinion. I understand what you say and it is the most logical thing. I mean taking in consideration this situation it seems like the logic thing would be: 1) Just try to forget about this or 2) Maybe try something with the older sister. But I don´t thing I really want to do either of those things. I like this girl (even if i´m not sure the way I really like her), and there is no point for me to be hiding it or pretend I don´t honestly, and I don´t want just to forget it, just to find the best way do deal with this.

I don´t think I should approach her now she is still young but if I continue to like her, in the right time, I would like to have a chance of at least trying to talk properly with her like I said. I´m well aware that she is going through many changes right now and actually that is one of my fears, because at that age, specially when we go to another school and things like that, we know many people, have friends here and there and we may eventually forget about the people that really cares about us even our close family. That´s the main reason I´ve been thinking about approaching and talking with her more sooner, but I don´t think I should do it because she has the right to go through those things by herself to have her good times, bad times typical of the phase she is going through without interference.

She will go through all those things and then the time will arrive when she is more mature and ready and let´s see what the situation is at that time. But I didn´t want her to forget about the important things, forget everything even her family (like the sister did) and of course me. About the older sister, she is attractive yes, she is hot but I don´t really like her more than that she is like other regular hot girls I see at any party, or a disco so no reason to going forward with that I think.