Love knows no logic
Warning!!! Long Post!!
I confess I have little experience in the field of love being only 20. However, I’ve learnt enough over the years to know that love and logic are light years apart.
I feel I’ve come to a juncture in my life and there’s several routes I could go down. One where I live up to my name and essentially fall into a pit of bitterness which strengthens my twisted cynical view of the world. Another where I coast along as I have been doing, feeling the sting of loneliness haunt me… but I ignore it… in hope of a better future where I’ll one day meet someone… my ‘soul mate’ some might say… and keep an optimistic mind set that love does exist and one day I can find it.
Or, as I’ve recently become aware there’s another path… I could turn round and go back the way I came. By this I do not mean obsess over my past, well not exactly. More along the lines that if I turn back my ex bf may don't know for sure, but he's hinted at it) still be there waiting for me with open arms.
Now.. I can guess the first thing you’re thinking, “Why the hell would you go back to an ex?? Especially one that dumped you!! An ex is an ex for a reason you retard!!” Am I right? …. Well if you are indeed thinking that then you're totally correct, more so than you realise… as you don’t know how blatantly logic bars this path... But I do... I know that my ex bf had many faults…. Not only that but there are many reasons he dumped me… and if they are what I think, then these are not small things. These are relatively major incompatibility issues I’m talking about.
So you might wonder, “Why the hell would I darken this forum with these obviously clear reasonings?” You’d probably say without a doubt that I should forget this ex and not look back. And that is exactly what my logic tells me. However, something inside me longs to go back to him. Not even because I want to particularly, not because I fancy him, not because I really ‘need’ him, but still something drives me to go back. This is what eludes me. This is what I DO NOT GET!! Why???
Is it because loneliness plagues me and I’ll do whatever I can to find a cure? Do the withdrawal symptoms of a love deficiency drive me down this crazy route?
Seriously I don’t trust my own judgements anymore. I am swayed to go with logic and take the hopeful optimistic route… but my emotions continue to push me backwards… and it seems I can only throw myself into the pit of bitterness to escape this force.... From my experiences I can only conclude that love is an inescapable logic less taunt that disrupts our lives... sometimes for better and sometimes for worse.... but we don’t have a say in which it will be.
If I let love guide me, then I will end up where I started… ruled by my emotions and lost in a sea of nonsensical ‘feelings’…. If I fall into the pit, I am ever doomed to a life of bitterness and loneliness. And if I take the 3rd route I would need all the strength that I could muster, and I’m too weak, for logic cripples my spirit with hints that I am destined to walk through this life alone.
In other words – Should I let my heart or my head guide me? And if, as I suspect,.. you say both.. how do I achieve a functioning mix of love and logic? Is it even possible?
Do you think if you know that you are not suited to relationships, you should avoid them for the sake of yourself and others?
"Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies."
-Rule of Acquisition 76.