No Compliments, Romance, or Even Kindness Anymore

[Ladyrider21]

I'm 23 years old and been with my bf for over 6 years. We split twice, once I dated someone else and the second time he did. Both times were only for about 3 months. We have been back together for about a year now and I don't want to have to go through all that again. I just don't know what to do though. I've been with him since I was 17 years old and never knew anything else really. It's like I'm afraid I can't be without him. I love him sooo much and I do everything in my power to show him I love him. I work full time and I am a full time student and I work my ass off at work and at home. I keep the house spotless and I cook for him. I basically run his business for him too. I take care of everything and he shows no interest in me. None. One thing that really bothers me is that he never compliments me. NEVER. I'm not bad looking at all. I hate that I get attention from other men but not my own boyfriend, when he's the only one that matters. I tell him all this too. He knows how I feel. When I tell him he tells me to go find someone else or leave if I'm not happy. I just get it. He's just an asshole all the time to me. My mom tells me that I have low self esteem which I'm starting to believe. I just feel like I'm not good enough for him but I kind of know that isn't true, it's just how I feel. I can't imagine having to start all over again. I can't imagine not waking up next to him every morning. He's all I really have. I just don't get how someone can be so cold. I even told him that I was going to start going to counseling, since I have no one to talk to, and he just blew up about it. He basically just made me feel like I was crazy for needing to go see one. I don't have any friends besides his sister and one of her friends I became close with. I met my bf right after I moved from CT to TN so basically his "friends" were mine. So I'm just up a creek without a paddle. I want so bad to have a family and have kids and I work so hard to make our house a home and all I want is appreciation and for him to touch me. Our sex life is good, but the only time he ever touches me is when we're in bed and he wants to have sex. That is all! Never does he cuddle me or just hold me or anything. I'd settle for anything. I just feel like I'm loosing it lol I want so bad for him to just show me half of what I show him. I really do believe that there are guys out there that would appreciate the things I do. There's just one problem, the thought of being with someone else or even finding someone else, I just don't want.

I have caught him talking to other girls on the internet before but nothing really came out of it. I have never ever cheated on him but I do have a lot of trouble trusting him. On his computer he has it were it deletes his history when he exits and the other day I turned it back on to where it shows me his history. There were a bunch of girls facebook pages he was looking at and looking at all their pictures. Should I be worried? It was a bunch of different local girls. I don't look up random local guys and look them up. I just don't know.

So, guys, what can I do? Should I be worried about him looking at other girls pics on facebook? Ladies, how often does your man compliment you? I really would like to know that one because I honestly can not remember the last time he just told me I looked nice. I just don't think that's right. I feel like if you love someone, you do everything you can do tell them that. Right?

Thanks everyone!

[sparkle_jello]

I don't think guys should have to compliment their girls all the time. Being a woman I know we like attention, and it can be a bit much, if you've been together for six years he probably wants to be more relaxed. One of my friends never tells her husband of 9 years she loves him, when I asked her why she said, "He knows how I feel about him and if it changed I would tell him". I actually cracked up when I heard it, but it was entirely true. She likes not having to shower him with attention, she's says she's not a cheerleader.
If I found my husband looking at random women's facebook pages there would be hell. He has access to all my passwords, cell phones, and history, and I have his... doesn't mean I use it, but if I need assurance I have it and so does he.

[doppelgaenger]

Everyone that has been in a few long term relationships will tell you that things die down after a few months. After you dated someone and went through the honeymoon phase, your fantasy about romance and men was revived. You went back to him, and when things were same old, same old, you were disappointed. You have unrealistic expectations about how your relationship should be. If you really absolutely hate the way things are (my god, you're calling him an asshole, that's so disrespectful!) you should just go around dating and having fun. After all you're young, immature, and you don't know anything about relationships. So go out, have some fun, and find out what romance and love are about.

[justcheckin]

Everyone that has been in a few long term relationships will tell you that things die down after a few months. After you dated someone and went through the honeymoon phase, your fantasy about romance and men was revived. You went back to him, and when things were same old, same old, you were disappointed. You have unrealistic expectations about how your relationship should be. If you really absolutely hate the way things are (my god, you're calling him an asshole, that's so disrespectful!) you should just go around dating and having fun. After all you're young, immature, and you don't know anything about relationships. So go out, have some fun, and find out what romance and love are about.

^^^ good advice I think. If it is not enough for you, its not enough. You cant make somebody change.... you really think that all the sudden hes gonna click and your gonna wake up sleeping on rose pedals? haha.

if you guys talk and get along otherwise, I wouldn't stress so much about it. Some people show affection in different ways.

[WICKED THOUGHTS]

Ummm, stay with him if u cant let go. But.. what u need is to be independent. Make urself happy instead of worrying about him making u happy. I ddnt say cheat on him though But, just have fun.

[Raven_Skye]

Okay, now I am going to say something else.. I don't think it's expecting much if, even after these many years you still want him to show some affection. Come on, a cuddle, a touch here and there, more initiation of sex than when just being in bed already, just once for him to say you look nice when you've dressed up, and also, for him to get off his behind and do something in the house too. Seems like you have hardly any time for yourself, there's two living in that house not one, he can do some housework too, it's not the 1950's anymore!
I have been in a relationship that lasted for 7 years, lived together for 5. Up until the last, say 6 months when everything went to hell, we were still the touchy, cuddly couple, we weren't able to pass eachother by without touching, we always sat touching eachother, even if just our legs etc. The point that started to become less was when he secretly had started falling for another girl, online none the less. So yeah, I wouldn't trust that computer stuff. But it's not the most important. If you truly feel you want more out of the relationship, and it seems to me you do, and he's not willing to give that, you should break it off. I know it's hard, hell after being with someone that long you can hardly imagine anything else. You have to learn to be by yourself again, don't think yet about dating someone else, that's gonna take ages and that's a good thing. Learn to be YOU again.. the first few months are going to be hard. But you'll get through it.
I mean, when he keeps telling you you should leave if you're not happy with him, maybe you should. Or tell him you really will, maybe he's just saying that to be mean, maybe he does mean it. Find out if you can resolve these things, tell him how much they bother you once again, and if that doesn't help and he keeps being such an *ss to you, leave him. You don't deserve this. There are men out there that will stay kind and romantic even that long into a relationship.

[Ladyrider21]

Thanks for the input guys. I understand that things die down after a year or so but I just don't think that because people have been together a long time gives them a reason not to be sweet and touchy feely with each other. And I am not wanting him to tell me I'm beautiful everyday either lol. But seriously, it's been years probably since he's given me a compliment. Like Raven_Skye said, a simple you look nice will suffice for me. Just something that would make me feel good. And really it's the point that he KNOWS he's not giving me the simple things that I want because he constantly tells me to find someone else that will treat you how you want. And that's what I don't understand. But I know we all show affection and love in different ways. I'm just going to take it one day at a time. We've tried for so long and it's just the same ol' song and dance. And I know someone said that it was disrespectful that I called him an asshole, well I didn't mean it in a disrespectful way but when someone is being a jerk, it's the same as an asshole to me. It could have been worse.

And about the facebook thing, that's a whole other ball game. Facebook will be what eventually puts the nail in the coffin for me to leave. He couldn't be trusted with a computer since the beginning of our relationship. When he was 15 years old he met a 27 year old woman online in Alabama and took off to live with her. So he's started pretty early finding women on the internet and it hasn't stopped. The past couple days I've been checking his history on the computer and he's been looking at like the same two girls pages and pictures for the past like three days. I don't know what this means. He's friends with one of the girls and she looks like she has a boyfirend from what I seen, so I don't know why he'd be checking her page everyday. I just don't trust him. He has so much free time on his hands and I work an hour away so I don't know what he does. And I just feel like I shouldn't be with someone I don't trust.

And thanks to Raven_Skye for your post. I really feel like that helped. This is kinda like thereapy for me, if ya know what I mean. I don't have girlfriends to talk to about anything so I just feel so alone.

And by the way, he's even bought me a ring about a year and a half ago and it needed to be sized. Well that was when we were broke up and he was trying to get me back. Well guess what, we got back together and the ring is still in his drawer, unsized. He won't get it sized for me to give it to me. I've brought it up before and he tells me that he doesn't give it to me because we argue. That hurts a alot. To know that he has something like that he bought for me and won't give it to me just really makes me feel like he doesn't care or even want it to work. ughhhh idk!