I want her back

[Yamai]

Hello everyone,

I thought i'd take this opportunity to discuss my story as i am at a loss with it at the moment...I hope someone out there can help me...

I was with a girl on and off for two years and it was a secret relationship...it wasn't serious at all at the start but drawing towards the end of the relationship, I started feeling for her as I could sense I was losing her...
As much as I didn't like it, she was in love with someone else and had some hope of being with that person in the future. I held myself back from being hurt but when I later realised that this person didn't want to be with her, I tried my best to rescue the relationship.

As the relationship was up and down in that two years, she kept telling me that she was unhappy (towards the end of the relationship) and wanted to split up as she didn't feel for me anymore...
Now the twist in this is that she claiming to be so besottedly in love with this guy BUT (in the last 4 months) I found out she was screwing some other guy while she was with me!
I sort of confronted her but she denied it and ut all contact with me...I also found out that she was getting advice from a friend to get me out of her life...in effect she said some really hurtful things to me that could have jeopardise things in my life in many ways (this was three weeks ago).
We didn't talk after that until last week she called me out of the blue To apologise for everything she said and that she didn't mean it...she needed some space away from me (she knows how I feel for her)...
We're trying to build a friendship now but I now know I want to be with her as we share so much and I want that spark back again...im not dwelling on it right now but maybe in time she will see that it is me that she wants to be with...what do I do?

When she did apologise; I did tell her that she killed any feeling/emotion that I had for her but I said in time we might be able to build a friendship...deep down I still feel for her so much...
She now believes that I don't suspect her for cheating on me (just to keep the friendship going) but she has realised that the guy she was cheating on me with has been using her...(I found out through a friend)
As much as we both have said to eachother that we should both move on with our lives; she is doing so and has already set up dates with people...what do I do?

Our relationship was and I guess always would be in secret as we both are part of a club and don't want anyone to know ever...it's so hard to deal with...as much as i want her back in my life, i have to carry this on my shoulders just to keep the peace/friendship going in hope she will see and feel for me again...I'm a mess
help

[misombra]

leave her alone.

[vashti]

What is the point of keeping a relationship secret unless you are married to someone else?

Secret relationships never work out because they have an air of illegitimacy about them.

Find someone new.

[Gigabitch]

Run from her. Surround yourself with better people. You shouldn't even be friends with this person.

[1averagejoe]

Sounds like my ex...is her name Jennifer?

Run away from her, don't be friends, don't talk to her until you have gotten over her because it will only hurt you more. I know it's hard.

I think someone else here said something like this:

Being friends with someone you are still not over after breaking up is like pulling off a band aid really slow. It only ends up hurting more. But breaking off contact completely with her right away, and not trying to be friends is like ripping it off fast. You get over them quicker and it won't hurt as much.

[jinx343]

i totally agree with vashti.. but secret or not secret at all, trust and respect should always be present in a relationship.. and she broke that.. she's not worth it.

[lovecot]

You should know how hard it is to maintain the relationship secretly. What is wrong to make known to the others? If your relationship with her is known by everybody, you will get more feedback from friends about her sincerity or what she is up to. In my opinion, she is just making use of you. I understand this is about love and there is no string attach when you love somebody. However, I hope you can be practical. Think about it whether this relationship will bring you any good at the end if she continues to behave like that.

[Yamai]

thanks for all the advice everyone...

ok that is fine...I now want to have the upper hand on the situation...what do I do?

[misombra]

leave her alone.

[Yamai]

It'll be weird as we have a great friendship...we talked on the phone everyday for the last two years...and I still see her every week at the club

[Gigabitch]

That's not a friendship, dude. You're only fooling yourself.

[Yamai]

I can't...I don't have the strength...I miss her so much

[sine24]

why on earth are you in a secret relationship?
please work out what you want? do you want to be with her..or is your "club" more important? it doesnt sound like she wants to be around you, so i guess you should just go find a new friend..jeez it not that hard.

[Yamai]

I do want to be with her...i want everything that has happened placed in the past...
We were in a secret relationship because there are eleven years between us...not ideal

[Yamai]

There have been recent developments...

We are now on talking terms...it's so strange...we don't talk about what happened...we just talk normally about the club and life etc. she still confides in me about personal things and I do with her too....it's so strange....do I have a basis to work from?