When a friend suggests someone

[honeypie]

Hey ladies

I'm 22 years old woman and I have a questions for you, which I hope you can help me with.

First some background information:
My girl friend and I go to the same college. There's this guy who also goes there. Our family's (all three) know each, so we kinda all know each other, but my girl friend and the guys knows each other much more and that I know him, and I've never really talked with him. On three incidents this guy and I were in an environment where we could talk with each other, but we didn't. That was a while ago and in the meantime my gf got engage with someone else. Now she suggests a date with this guy, and I don't really think that we'd click. The problem is now, that I have been confirmed from someone that this guy was rejected by my gf, and that confuses me a lot. Why would she suggest a date with someone, whom she has rejected in the past?

I know I wouldn't do this, so I can't decide if she is being a bad girl friend?

[DalM0m]

Did you ever consider that she rejected him in part because she knew he'd be a better match with you?

One date won't kill you. Spend some time with the guy.

[honeypie]

Thank you so much, it helps so much. Sorry my thread wasn't detailed enough, but here's some more information:

- The reason why she rejected him was because she was seeing someone else at the time, and I guess this guy didn't know my gf was seeing someone else, because they weren't official at the time. That's why she rejected him
- This guy saw me at a wedding 6 years back before all of us went to the same college, and his mother told my mother (all of our parents know each other but I've never talked to him) that he had said I was beautiful when he saw me at the wedding.
- The reason why she wants me to date him, is, because she thinks we would match. But the guy didn't make any moves when he had the oppurtunity, which made me think that he wasn't interested.

So I'm a bit confused, and I'd like some advice, because I really don't know how to deal with the fact that he has asked her first :/

[fearoflove]

Your friend isn't interested in him so she figured that you two would be a better match. If you can't deal with the fact that he was initially interested in your friend, then don't date him.

[honeypie]

Well what would you have done if you were in my shoes?

[DalM0m]

I can understand why you feel a bit like you're second best. However, you may have been his 1st choice but you may have seemed unapproachable. I'm guessing you're shy & she's a bit more outgoing.

Just go on the date. Really. At this point, it's only one date. You will never know until you try.

[basilandthyme]

It's interesting that you mention he didn't make any moves when he had the opportunity. But it sounds like you also haven't made any move to talk with him....so he probably thinks you're aloof

[honeypie]

Yeah she's not just outgoing than I am, she's extremely outgoing. But I wouldn't say i'm shy but I guess I was holding a bit back because of what I heard in the past from his mom.. :-/

[DalM0m]

What did you hear in the past from his mom? what does your mom say about you going on a date with him?

[honeypie]

What did you hear in the past from his mom? what does your mom say about you going on a date with him?

Before we all went to college he saw me at a wedding. All of our families were there. I didn't know who he was, and I didn't even know he was there because there was hundred of peoples. One day my mom came home and told me that she met his mom and his mom had told my mom that her son saw me at the wedding and that he thought I was beautiful.. Every time I meet his mom, she's all over me. When I saw him, I guess I got nervous because I knew what his mom has told my
mom.. So instead of being open and outgoing (which I normally am) I didn't approach and he didn't either.. I think my mom likes the idea.. Even my brother's wife (who also knows his family) sometimes implies that this could be "it" haha and I have no idea why :-p

[fearoflove]

Well what would you have done if you were in my shoes?

Depends. Is he a good catch? I wouldn't care what my friend thinks of him. All the better if she doesn't like him because she wouldn't try to go after him. As long as you like him, go for him. It is your preference and taste that matters.

[DalM0m]

Then you were his first choice but he backed off because he thought you weren't interested. How many times does life have to throw you two together before you will give this poor man a break & go on a date with him?

[honeypie]

Depends. Is he a good catch? I wouldn't care what my friend thinks of him. All the better if she doesn't like him because she wouldn't try to go after him. As long as you like him, go for him. It is your preference and taste that matters.

To be honest I don't know if he's a good catch. He is okay in regards to his looks, but I don't know how he is personality wise, and it's the personality that counts for me, so I don't really (yet) .. :/

[honeypie]

Then you were his first choice but he backed off because he thought you weren't interested. How many times does life have to throw you two together before you will give this poor man a break & go on a date with him?

Haha you're funny Before this happened between them, they would always talk to each other at school (also when I was there).. But after this has happened he completely ignores/avoids her, and walks past us without saying hello (in the past he always said hello). Will a man completely avoid a woman if the only thing she has done was to decline his offer (going on a date with him), or will he only avoid her like this if there's been a couple of dates and conversations. What I mean is; what can cause this kind of extreme behavior? :S

[DalM0m]

Yes. She hurt his feelings & wounded his pride. He wants nothing to do with her because the rejection is painful.

If you don't want to go out with this guy, don't go. if you do, let him know you are open to it.