I really like someone who hates me? lol

[Fenlow]

Hi everyone, I'm a new member to this forum and kindly ask for your interest and help. It's a bit of a long story that I tried to put short.

So anyway, I (20) saw this person for the first time at a university-student's get-to-know party and the moment I saw her, I fell for her. She's really my type, cute yet sexy.. etc. I could waste too much time explaining. I didn't approach her then, believing she's just one of those beautiful people you see randomly. However, it turns out we have a mutual friend, whose her best friend and a pretty old friend of mine (we weren't so close though). So a few days later I called up our mutual friend and found out that she's new in our city, studies violin and most importantly that she's never been in a relationship herself (she's 22) and that she's extremely shy. I eventually got her number off the mutual friend, added her on facebook and skype. Shortly after, I was on holiday for 2 months and meanwhile we did chat a little bit. Just about general things and there was no flirting really involved, although my interest in her kept on growing. Once I got back in March, I decided to ask her out on a date for dinner.

Since she's very shy and we did have a mutual friend, she asked if it were possible for the three of us to meet on our first encounter. It was perfectly understandable so I had no problem with it. I'm someone who likes things to go as planned, always punctual and organized, so before we agreed to meet on friday, on a monday/tuesday I kindly told her that cancelling is no problem if she does tell me at least by thursday. Therefore, 2 relatively important events were removed from my schedule for her. So it's finally friday and 15 minutes before we were suppose to meet, when all of a sudden I get a call from her saying that she can't come because our mutual friend had some emergency situation. I asked her to at least come alone, but she refused to do so and not only was I a little offended but wasted 100 euros on a special menu I had ordered at a restaurant. That night, I went out with a few friends instead and got drunk and sent her a text explaining how the situation is on my side (that I'm upset she didn't want to meet me alone, wasted 100 euros, pissed I had to cancel 2 other appointments for her etc.) and told her that she had no manner or class. (I know, retarded)

For a few days we didn't have any contact, obviously, and I had heard from the mutual friend that she was extremely offended and upset by what I had told her. So she sent me a pretty bad text a few days later saying how rude it was of me to say she had no manner and class, that she was sorry for cancelling the dinner and a lot of other stuff including how she didn't like the way I got her number in the first place oO. We had quite a quarrel and I did say ridiculous things without meaning it.. and I thought it was over with her. (Random scenario: A few weeks later I sent her a drunk text at 5 am saying I'm sorry and a complete load of crap once, this has no relevance to the story. There was also no reply.) A month later there was a sport-event and despite my injury, I gladly accepted the invitation and went there. And yes, of course she had to be there and so was the mutual friend. A few people I know organized the party, so they started to introduce some cool people to me until they tried to introduce me to her. It was so awkward and we both didn't say hi or shake hands and just walked off.. That was the first time we met in person and until now, the last. Since i was injured, I didn't participate in the activities, I was just smoking my cigarettes and I only remember looking at her for like 5 hours. She's just so gorgeous. So I properly apologized for my dirty words and after asking her if she was still mad, I told her we should try and grab dinner or coffee again at some point. She agreed, yet she always wanted to meet as three people. Unfortunately, our meetings always got cancelled because our mutual friend is so unorganized with her ****ing life and I had to leave for holiday again, I'm still on the same holiday btw. Things just started to get awkward and a distance started to grow between us even though we hardly had any relationship. I'm pissed and upset about it. I tried chatting to her over skype but it felt like she wasn't up for it, and as I tried harder the more stupid things became; Why is it so hard to buy you dinner? Why can't you ever do anything without the mutual friend etc. She then replied that my tone and language is mean and disrespectful and that she thinks I'm an asshole. That's the very last moment we shared, I had a slight shock myself but I thought it'd be better if I just left her alone now.

So this is the short-story, but the problem is I'm still so into her. I dont want to give up on her, cz I really think she's someone so special and right for me... yet considering the way everything turned out, I have really little hope. One thing's clear though, I'm not who she thinks I am and I screwed this up unnecessarily. I just can't be smooth and think a few steps ahead when i like someone, please help me out! What should I do now??? Or should I just give up.. :'(

[MaidenMinx]

Sorry buddy, you screwed up. This is a no salvage situation.

[Fenlow]

Damn, classic me... I'd still like to apologize to her and let her know that I'm not really the person she thinks I am. At least just a neutral relationship is better than this. Is there seriously nothing I could possibly do? I'd hate to give up on her, I still feel like I can fix this..

[Xenth91]

You offended her, but apologizing with a classic rose and a little card attached to it, never killed anyone. Put it on her doorstep. Leave it there for her to find. If she wants things to be fixed she'll reach out for you in some way. If she doesn't, she never wanted to meet you in the first place and honestly, it's better to avoid these kind of people. Not being able to forgive someone shows that this person is immature. However, assuming that she does accept the rose and the apology, I doubt that you'll ever end up having a relationship with her, a lot of talking will be necessary to realize that. Which is never the best start.

[Mathias]

You offended her, but apologizing with a classic rose and a little card attached to it, never killed anyone

No, but it has creeped many women out before.

[Xenth91]

No, but it has creeped many women out before.

Seriously ? I mean, if you know each other on any decent level that shouldn't creep anyone out. Unless you didn't get her address from her. In which case. Don't do it.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Get her address from your mutual friend, then send it.

And yes, it will be creepy.

[MaidenMinx]

Seriously ? I mean, if you know each other on any decent level that shouldn't creep anyone out. Unless you didn't get her address from her. In which case. Don't do it.

Unless I am romantically involved with someone a red rose is just too much.

[Xenth91]

Unless I am romantically involved with someone a red rose is just too much.

Wow, I didn't know. Slight culture clash there Here it's the least you can do

[Fenlow]

thanks guys,

well considering how she was a little upset that I didn't get her number off her personally, I doubt that leaving roses on her doorstep is a good idea... I dont know her address :S Anything I could possibly say to her maybe?

Ill add a little more detail to the story if this is necessary, but I asked her once if she was still angry at me. And she said it was okay now and asked for me to not do something like that in the future (around the time I was about to leave on holiday) and I asked her if it were possible for us to meet just once before I left. She said that since we know a lot of people in common, it's probably a better idea to still get to know each other but she doesn't think theres any need for the haste, and she wants to wait until all three of us have time again (cz our mutual friend had a busy month of examination).. It was kind of obvious i suppose that she wasn't so interested anymore..

ahhhh this sucks, I'm such a failure -.-

[MaidenMinx]

You are only a failure if you don't see your mistakes and keep making them over and over. Life is a learning curve.

[MaidenMinx]

Wow, I didn't know. Slight culture clash there Here it's the least you can do

Red rose = passion
white rose = innocence
pink rose = love
yellow rose = friendship

Dunno if everyone would agree with me, but that is the symbolism of rose colours to my understanding.