How do I let go of a toxic relationship?

[Joey19]

Apologies in advance for my grammar.

I met my first love at 22 years old and immediately fell so hard for her. we got to know each other and were weirdly so open with each other. Time went on and it was very intense, we would see each other nearly everyday for a month. Towards the start of the next month she mentioned she had got tickets for maroon 5 that she had bought in the past for an ex boyfriend of hers (my alarm bells should be ringing but weren't because i was so blindly in love) I said " I'm not comfortable with this but I trust you". We spent the whole day together and she even asked me whether I would like to meet her ex, obviously I said no and left just before he arrived and thought nothing more of it all. The next day we texted and talked and she seemed really off with me, not long after she broke up with me saying her depression was really bad at the moment and that it was not fair on me. Really what she meant was she felt so bad that despite spending all day with her and me saying I trust her on what most would say was a no go with her ex, she had cheated on me. I found this so hard because I fell so hard for her and didn't understand. Time went by and we would text now and again and not meet each other. Eventually a few months later when working, I find out off a friend at work that she is pregnant. My mind went crazy, I had no idea she had cheated and went it to total melt down losing over 1st 1/2. Eventually she asked to meet and admitted both cheating and being pregnant. The problem was we had sex not long before she cheated (no protection total idiot move) so the father of the child could be me or her ex. I couldn't speak to her at all for about 2 weeks. Eventually I manned up and said if there is a chance I might be the father then am here for you 100%, unlike her ex who went to the first appointment with her didn't turn up to the second one and got with a different girl all together. I took care of her for the full 40 weeks, I bought her clothes because she couldn't fit in her normal ones, I made sure she ate and drank the right things and I gave her emotional support when things got on top of her. I knew most guys would not do this and would have waited for a DNA test but I couldn't do that. In October she gave birth to a baby girl and we did a the DNA test and to send me into complete melt down again I was not the father. This is the point I should have walked away and moved on with my life. I continued to hang out with her and the child for 6 months, going on days out and eating out together. During the 6 months I noticed she started to become the person I fell in love with again but no so intense this time life was OK i suppose, until I noticed another guy liking all her Facebook statuses and asked her about it, she told me not to worry "he is UGLY and ANNOYING". I forgot about it all and carried on with life until I got a wake up call off my friends telling me I deserve so much better than her and should let her go. I took there advice and deleted her number,facebook, photo's and texts there and then, an hour after doing that she got with the guy who had been liking all her facebook posts and I was shocked but not majorly as past events taught me a bit about her. It has been one month since I started the no contact rule and she came and visited me in work in the second week wearing a hoodie of the new guy ( I knew it was his because it was a personalized one), she started to tell me about what was going on in her life and I acted mature about it and smiled and gave polite short answers, on her way out I said it was nice to see her and bye. As she left she thanked me for deleting her off facebook (sarcastically), I didn't know what to say so shrugged and smiled and she was gone. Another 2 weeks goes by and she texts me accusing me of talking about her and the child behind her back, I never did this because I was trying my best to forget her and to move on with my life, so I did not reply and kept to my no contact rule.

My question is after all the pain,anger,and sadness she put me through why do I think about her everyday? Why do I want her back? Is she using the other guy to make me jealous? How do I gain a better sense of self worth for myself? I know its only been a month of no contact but am struggling and could do with some advice. Thank you

[SuperHappyTime1]

My question is after all the pain,anger,and sadness she put me through why do I think about her everyday? Why do I want her back? Is she using the other guy to make me jealous? How do I gain a better sense of self worth for myself? I know its only been a month of no contact but am struggling and could do with some advice. Thank you

Because you still love her, even after everything she has done.
She could be trying to make you jealous. But she's probably a horrible person and she doesn't know how good you are for her.
Keep her out of your life. You may have had serious doubts about being the father, but you did the right thing.
You're going to find someone who will truly love you, you just need to move on and start looking.

[Wakeup]

You made yourself feel more valued by her when you showered her with your attention, your money, your gifts and by being a so, so easy "mark."

Get help for your "nice guy syndrome" and quit being there for girls that clearly do not value you. If you stop giving of yourself that way when someone has yet to show you that you are her priority... then you won't be giving yourself a false sense of being important to her.

Accept that you did the right thing by giving up on a promiscuous and emotionally immature little piece of fluff that jumps from one bone to another without a care in the world except for who she will be able to manipulate.

She's not someone you should be wanting in your life. You'll stop wanting her to be when you realize what a bullet you dodged by getting her out of your life.

NOT good LIFEmate material by any means. I feel sorry for her kid being subjected to new men coming in and out of her life and having a mother that seems to not care about anyone but herself. Ugh!

- - - Updated - - -

BTW: NEVER leave the birth control up to the women. It's quite easy to lie about STD's and trusting her word that she's on and religiously taking oral birth control is you being irresponsible and naïve. Buy some rubbers and use them everytime or you're going to find yourself in a predicament that can ruin your whole life.

[Joey19]

Reflecting back over this month has been an eye opener. Thank you for taking the time to reply and i'll try work on myself and my nice guy syndrome.

[Mindfun]

we are attracted to the things that traumatize us.the reason is they make us feel like dirt and to redeem ourselves we need to get from them that we are not dirt.you prove that you are a very good guy that's all that matters. Keep looking for someone that appreciates it

[starbar]

there is nothing wrong with being a nice guy but don't let others walk all over you or hurt you. you need to know when to draw the line. she never deserved any of your kindness. lesson learned!

[CaseySp]

Yes its hard to get over someone you loved deeply. But like what others said, you deserve better. You did right by deleting her from facebook and no contact. Now to get back your self worth, focus on your life. Go to the gym, go out to meet people, do something you really wanted to do, go travel.