Hi folks,
I am really at a loss at the moment, and I am thinking I might need to go see professional help. I thought I would post my story here first to get some other people's opinions...Just don't know anymore.
Back when I was in secondary school there was this girl who I met and we became good friends, or at least I thought we were. We were in the same classes and often sat next to one another, and we also talked a fair bit outside of school via phone etc..
Anyway for me I fell in love with this girl, and I asked her in many different ways to go out with me, even sent a dozen roses at one point. But the response was always in the negitive. At the time I always felt that it was her friends that were stopping her, and it would of been different if she had different friends.
anyway after about 2yrs of thinking of nothing but her I decided to distance myself. I just couldn't keep getting rejected time after time. It was almost 12mths later when I met my now wife, and we have beed together for almost 13yrs. At first for the first sort of 4yrs I didn't even think of this other girl, but slowly she started to creep back onto my mind. Just little things, wonder where she was, what she was doing etc.
With the invention of facebook it ment that we could reconnect again, for a long time I knew she was on facebook but I didn't add her. I added her twin sister who I was also really good friends with, but never this girl. I wasn't sure if she would want me too, or if she felt it was arkward for each other to add each other.
After a while we had commented to each other via her sisters post etc, and I bit the bullet and added her. We had a small communication via PM and then it sort of stopped, I think it was more from her then me, but I didn't persist either.
She was always a very shy girl, and would go bright red when the attention was on her, and I am not quite sure if it was her shyness which stopped her as well.
Don't get me wrong, I love my wife, but I don't think I am 'in love with her' anymore. We are best friends, and get along great together, but there is something missing, at least for me.
I have never told my wife of this other girl, at first it wasn't even relevant, and then I didn't want to hurt her by telling her that I am still thinking of someone else.
I know that this other girl is married, and may even be expecting their first child. I think to start talking to her might be a lost cause, probably would be a lost cause, but I always have her on my mind. For me she is the one, and I moved on because I got tired of getting kicked in the teeth again and again.
Right now I feel depressed, and I never used to feel depressed, ever.
I have always tried to keep myself busy and if I gave you my name you would see heaps of things all over the internet because I have tried to keep myself busy, but I am thinking that it is more as a distraction now., and these things no longer keep my mind off her.........
this is the worst feeling in the world, and I am thinking that I am not giving 100% to my marriage, but I also feel I can't unless there is some sort of closure, or.....I don't know.
Don't stress though I am not suicidal in anyway, just really really lost......and I hate it.
Someone said you create a perfect image of someone over time and I should look for negitives, maybe I am not subjective enough but there doesn't seem to be any......
what do I do....?