Is this normal??

[*Gem*]

Ok I'll apologise in advance if this is a long, rambling post!

A bit of background info first. I am 24, OH is 28 and we have been together for just over 4 years now, we bought a house together just over 2 years ago and also work together.

We have been through some pretty rough times ( I found out that he was addicted to sex cams ) which has reared up a few times, first found out after we'd been together around 6 months, told him to chose between them or me, thought it was dealt with ( after much discussions/arguments/tears ) but about 2 years in I found he was looking at them again. Once again I gave him another chance and thought he was steering clear of them but in January I found he was on them again. I don't know what prompted me to check what he'd been on, I guess I had my suspicions because the tell tale signs were there again. He'd never come to bed at the same time as me, and night after night I'd have to come down to drag him to bed. We talked it over again and agreed to give it one last go but I just dont know whether I can trust him anymore.

Although I love him I just have my doubts now whether we can work through this. He just doesn't make much of an effort with me anymore, I've brought it up and talked about it but nothing seems to change. I still go to bed alone night after night, he never takes me out, or buys me flowers etc ( I'm not a superficial person, just everyone wants to feel special now and again ). I dont know whether he fully realises what he's doing, or we're just stuck in a rut and he takes me for granted and doesn't think of doing those things.

I've asked him if he really wants to be with me, I didn't know if all this was a sign but he says he does, he just doesnt seem to be really showing it lately.

I just don't know what I can do, or if anything can be done, I want to make it work but don't know what to do to make it work.

[Yggdrasil]

So how many more times are you going to set a boundary and let him cross it?

If you set a boundary, you MEAN it.

You told him: you or the cams.

Now make him feel you mean it and pack your bags, or kick him out, whatever applies. And don't let him back in because you feel sorry for him or because you feel lonely. Grow some backbone there and stand up for yourself ffs.

[josh930]

Sometimes men need a good kick in the ass to realize whats going on. Pack up and leave for a week or more. I garuntee you he will begging at you feet and thats when you lay down the laws. "I catch you one more time on those cams and I'm gone for good!!" Dont give up on him yet. He wont understand what all the changing your talking about until you leave and give him a couple days to think about it and reflect on himself. He's getting too comfortable which happens in every relationship. So start packing, he will follow.