Am I right to be suspicious?

[lorisoloranzo]

My boyfriend and I have a complicated relationship....we've been dating each other for about a year and a half now, but have only been officially together for a couple months. We had an unorthodox beginning and because of that...our relationship is pretty much a secret. A couple of our closest friends know, but for the majority it is unknown that we're in a relationship. Despite that, we are (were?) happy and loyal (until now?) to each other.

Now, my boyfriend has a girl friend. They've been friends for quite a while, and I've never had a problem with it. They hang out in the same social group, have the same friends, went to school back in the days together, and I know they chat online a lot. The thing is, she had a boyfriend until very recently. She and her boyfriend broke up about 2 weeks ago, and that was when I started noticing some suspect activities...She started to constantly text my boyfriend from morning until night. When he replies, her answers would be almost immediate.

She wanted to hang out with him one night after work, and he told me. I'm not a controlling girlfriend so I said sure, whatever. I called before I went to sleep that night, at around 2:00 a.m and he was still with her. How do I know? Because he didn't pick up my phone call, and instead texted me back saying he was still with her. This irked me a little bit, but whatever, she was one of those people that doesn't know he's in a relationship.

Throughout the next week, the texting between them did not ease. She began calling him in the mornings and at night after she got off work. I KNOW that a girl does not do all this just to be friends with a guy. Now, my boyfriend is not hiding any of this from me. I know that she texts him because he texts her back in front of me. He's not waiting for me to leave the room or anything. I know that she calls because he's not putting his phone on silent--I can see his screen, and sometimes he answers her call. The conversations are mundane--I would hear him respond with "oh, you're off work?" or "You're going to sleep early tonight?" or "get home safe." That's suspicious to me because those topics are what COUPLES call to say to each other. She also calls him for little things like when she needs directions to a location...He sometimes brings her up in conversations like "I was talking to 'Jane' last night, she showed me pictures of purses that she wanted" so it's not like he's hiding that he's chatting with her at night either.

My boyfriend hasn't treated me any differently though. He's still sweet and caring, showing me the same level of love as before. He hasn't distanced himself in any way.

Now, my boyfriend is either extremely stupid not to realize that this girl wants him or he thinks I'M stupid. I'm thinking it's the latter because, really: the girl becomes single, throws herself at him so obviously, and he has no clue? I don't think so. But what do you guys think? Am I just overthinking things?

[Cerby]

You are definitely overreacting here. There are a couple of things that show me why

- He is being honest with you about everything
- He isn't taking the calls secretly
- She just got dumped and probably needs a close friend who will listen to her
- He hasn't exhibited ANY suspicious behavior

Have some faith, she is his friend and probably needs someone to talk to.

[Wakeup]

Have you talked to him about being annoyed and or concerned with the amount of time they spend on each other?
Why is your relationship hidden? (red flag)
Why doesn't your boyfriend tell her he is with you? (red flag)
Why do you blame her 100% and not your boyfriend (at all) who is entertaining this girl?

If you actually think that he 'has no clue' about being disrespectful to you by entertaining her texts and phone calls when he's with you, then why don't you talk to him about it and let him know that what he is doing is not okay with you. It's him who's behavior needs to change if you don't like it. Not his friend's who hasn't a clue that you are even in the picture.(because you're hidden like some secret) (why is that?)

Do you see?

[smackie9]

You are over reacting because yes girls will show a lot of attention but still won't have any sexual interest. It's called the friends zone. They have been friends forever, and when friends get a BF/GF the contacting will slow down because they are occupied with whomever they are dating. Now that she is single, she is just lonely for company, not looking for a new BF. If there was any interest they would have had at each other a long time ago. Just because they have connecting parts doesn't mean they are going to use them.

My question is, why do you have to keep your relationship a secret from everyone....who's choice was that? Is someone in a witness protection program?