Getting bored in relationships. . .

[Cerby]

This seems to be a recurring trend for me, after 1-3 months of being with someone, I get bored and want to move on.

I don't want to be like this. I've been with the girl I'm dating for 6 weeks on the button today, and up until this weekend, I was super happy with where things were going. They seemed to change for me overnight, I question what we've built so far, and find myself getting bored more easily. It has nothing to do with the person I'm seeing, in this case, this person stacks up with me quite well in all aspects, great sex, good personality, mature, and emotionally in the same place I am. But yet I still question where we're going?

I don't understand this myself, so I'm hoping someone else has been down this path and can give me a hand. I don't want to end what I've started, but I need to figure out why my mind changes like this. I tend to only want to stay in relationships that are bad for me!

[Jenswaiting]

Do you really think it's boredom? Could it possibly be that you have commitment issues or that you are afraid to take it to the next step?

[Cerby]

Do you really think it's boredom? Could it possibly be that you have commitment issues or that you are afraid to take it to the next step?

I'm sure this might be a possibility. This seems to happen to me almost every time, sometimes I fight through it until I get to the "comfortable" stage, other times I just bail and move on. I know its not the girl because I'm quite attracted to her, and still get the early relationship butterflies when I think about her. Its just the thought of the relationship itself.

[Jenswaiting]

I'm sure this might be a possibility. This seems to happen to me almost every time, sometimes I fight through it until I get to the "comfortable" stage, other times I just bail and move on. I know its not the girl because I'm quite attracted to her, and still get the early relationship butterflies when I think about her. Its just the thought of the relationship itself.

Previously in other relationships was it similar to this (ie were you attracted and excited)? What happened the last time you fought through to the comfortable stage? What ended the relationship?

Sorry about all the questions, but I think the answers will help you get to the bottom of what you are afraid of.

[Cerby]

Previously in other relationships was it similar to this (ie were you attracted and excited)? What happened the last time you fought through to the comfortable stage? What ended the relationship?

Sorry about all the questions, but I think the answers will help you get to the bottom of what you are afraid of.

I'd say in this case I'm probably as attracted/excited as I've been in a long long time because there are no glaring red flags and compatibility is good. Usually if I battle through the loss of excitement the relationship will last quite a bit longer. I remember this happening in a long term relationship (3 years) after the first two months, and I really liked the girl so I stuck through it and we ended up ending the relationship after the 3 year mark for a completely unrelated issue. Once the initial excitement wears off and things start to transition into "relationship" thats where I get hung up. I may very well have a fear of commitment, but I can't put my finger on it.

[qwertz]

I have a similar problem...at different points in relationships i begin to pick faults, create problems that werent there before and also feel bored with certain aspects. With the relationship I am in now I realised that actually this was all part of me having a fear of commitment...i always knew i had this problem but recently (ish) was made to realise that all these things were because of that. I've now worked through that and am recently engaged.

There is nothing wrong with not wanting to commit, but of course, you may actually just get bored easily!

[Jenswaiting]

Once the initial excitement wears off and things start to transition into "relationship" thats where I get hung up. I may very well have a fear of commitment, but I can't put my finger on it.

What emotions do you have surrounding the issue? Are there any specific niggling thoughts that disturb you that stand out?

(btw this is helping me understand why the last person I dated bailed on me.. )

[Cerby]

Its an uncomfortable uneasiness about whats to come. I wouldn't say its a fear of any kind, its just a feeling that is lingering. Again, its not a red flag or a feeling that anything is wrong, its just what it is.

Its hard to explain, which I guess is why I posted.

[Wakeup]

Its an uncomfortable uneasiness about whats to come. I wouldn't say its a fear of any kind, its just a feeling that is lingering. Again, its not a red flag or a feeling that anything is wrong, its just what it is.

Its hard to explain, which I guess is why I posted.

I had that with my now husband, at the time new boyfriend. That was 30 years ago mind you but I remember it clearly. I think it's normal to be afraid to give yourself to one person. I remember wondering about staying with him or not and then he suddenly started to back off so I thought "oh, maybe he's making the decision for me." After a week of not seeing him, and only talking to him once, when he showed up at my house on the following Saturday I was so relieved that he didn't dump me that the fear of committing and taking the plunge into committment was a very easy decision to make. Obviously for both of us.

I guess you have to decide if she and what she has to offer is worth giving up serial dating for?

[Cerby]

I had that with my now husband, at the time new boyfriend. That was 30 years ago mind you but I remember it clearly. I think it's normal to be afraid to give yourself to one person. I remember wondering about staying with him or not and then he suddenly started to back off so I thought "oh, maybe he's making the decision for me." After a week of not seeing him, and only talking to him once, when he showed up at my house on the following Saturday I was so relieved that he didn't dump me that the fear of committing and taking the plunge into committment was a very easy decision to make. Obviously for both of us.

I guess you have to decide if she and what she has to offer is worth giving up serial dating for?

I like serial dating, it means not getting hurt.

...And I think I just figured it out.

[Wakeup]

Please make sure you let your serial dates know that you're incapable of commitment and give them the informed choice whether to continue to date you or not. Tiss only fair that those young ladies that are looking for commitment are aware that you're incapable of it. Or; There's always Adult Frd Finder where everyone knows what everyone is thinking.

[Cerby]

Please make sure you let your serial dates know that you're incapable of commitment and give them the informed choice whether to continue to date you or not. Tiss only fair that those young ladies that are looking for commitment are aware that you're incapable of it. Or; There's always Adult Frd Finder where everyone knows what everyone is thinking.

After I typed my last post, I had a moment of clarity. The reason why I get the uneasiness is because I'm afraid to get hurt, it happened so badly a couple of times in the past that now when it comes time to open those doors, my mind and heart would just rather not. I'm at the point now where in my current relationship we're moving towards the end of the lustful phase and into the area where real emotions begin to seed themselves. When I think about opening myself up this is where I start to feel uneasy.

Its not a fear of commitment, I'd love to find someone to settle down with. I'm at the age now where I should be looking to the future, I just need to rationalize my fears and allow myself to open up unconditionally when the time comes and not run for the hills as I might have done in the past few years.

[Jenswaiting]

Hmm I wonder if this is what happened with the last guy I dated. Seems that way.

Hope you are able to let go and open up with the right person.

[pisces25]

Cerb if you can get your mitts on it I recommend the book Getting to Commitment: Overcoming the Eight Greatest Obstacles to Lasting Connection (and Finding the Courage to Love) by Steven Carter. Its brilliant and everyone I have recommended it to have said it resonated with them (as it did me and I am not a commitment-phobe). Commitment isn't just about being ready to settle down it is actually being able to open up to someone, which looks as though you may be struggling with. A really good, easy read.

And just remember, if you open up to her what is the worst that is going to happen? You may be hurt. But knowing you have been hurt in the past you also know you can get through pain. It isn't pleasant but I don't think the alternative to being stuck in this cycle your in is pleasant either. Love fully and don't worry about the what ifs. There are WAY too many

[Kyrina]

Cerby we all fear rejection and hurt and still we try to find that one person who can love us for who we are i hope that comes to you soon and gets you away from the constant fear of being hurt by someone else *hug*