I dunno what I should do.

[Exodus]

Okay, so here's me. I'm 17, my friend and I have known each other for about 6-7 months now and she told me that she likes me, but I don't find her attractive. Her personality is fun but there are things about her I don't like. Am I a bad person for not liking her because of her appearance? I dunno, its hard to say. I'm always wondering if I like her or not, we spend a lot of time together. I've only had one other girlfriend before so this is all still fairly new.

I've had a real tough time finding a girlfriend, my first year at this highschool, also my senior year. People I know say that I'm good looking and wonder why I don't have a girlfriend. I'm a pretty shy person, and semi-nice, laid back. There are a few people that I like around school but either I have lost most of my contact with them or I just never talked to them much to get to know them.

I guess just what I'm wondering is am I wrong? I dunno, I just get so hung up on peoples looks that it seems like personalities don't matter. I want to find somone who's nice looking and has a good personality to match mine, but it just seems so hard. I know it's just highschool and it's not really going to matter because I'll be leaving in like 4 months anyway, but it's still hard for me.
So just looking for a little advice on my friend, and maybe some about meeting people and getting dates. Thanks for your inputs guys. I'm sure you hear this kinda story all the time .

[PandaCivic]

welcome to the club homie! most guys fall for girls for the sole reason that the girl likes the guy. if i were you, i would consider dating this girl and leave it as that. date her and see other people so you know what kind of girl you are into. don't cheat on her or anything, just leave your options open and get to know the opposite sex, i should take my own advice as well. i'm a picky guy, girls that like me tend to be "not my type" and the girls that ARE my type, they don't like me. kinda weird i know but i still believe she's out there. i hope they aren't all like IceQueen! ha ha j/k!

[jerzygrl]

I agree with PandaCivic. You like her personality so just date her and see where it goes. She doesnt have to be "the one" but considering your dating record, any "practice" with relationships will help. Dont take that as an insult because your time will come... but just by dating this girl you can learn a lot about females and learn what they are looking for....

Also, you might not be attracted to her now -- but things change when you get into a relationship and you might eventually be attracted to her.

In addition, there is nothing wrong with being hung up on looks. I am pretty picky with the guys i date-- and I can be honest in saying that looks matter to me. Of course, they are not the only thing i look for, but I do think its important to have that initial attaction. And maybe im shallow for saying this, but I care a lot about what my family and friends think-- I dont think they'd let me date someone who was unattractive! lol

Good luck...

[sfalexi]

I'm going to disagree with the above statements and say don't date her.

It's perfectly fine for a person to have certain "standards". And sometimes you will meet a girl that doesn't meet those "standards", but is so damn awesome you don't care and would go out with her in a new york second! (I've met a few that way). But I personally would never use a girl for "dating experience". You're just gonna end up hurting her. She'll think that you're into her WAY more than you actually are. And if you're not happy with the overall girl, then you won't be happy in the relationship.

I'm very very picky about the girls that I date. Hence, I don't date a lot. However when I have dated, they have been with AWESOME girls who are wonderful and I have great memories of all of them. So my dates may be few and far between, but I go for an overall quality. I want to know, BEFORE I date the girl, that I will have fun on these dates and like everything that I know about her so far.

You don't think this girl is attractive, well then I say wait until you find someone that you think is. You're not a bad person for saying this. And like I said, you may run into some girls who when you first look at them you think they aren't that attractive either, but then their personality completely WOWS you and you suddenly can't WAIT to date them and WISH you lucky enough to be with them. It's happened to me a few times.

So my verdict, you're not a bad person. You're normal. I say don't "settle" or "practice date". I say wait till you find someone that you will be happy with the overall picture.

Alexi

[Exodus]

Controversy... lol. Yeah, I am also very self conscious about what family and friends would think. My mom has told me before that she wouldn't want me to date her because she's got some problems(family and school).

Another thing is, she's like my best friend right now, and I don't know how things would go if something like this went through. I dunno, I guess I'm just trying to figure this out. I wish I could just get a test-dating time with her or something. Where I could see how it went and then if I didn't like it I could stop it without having anyone knowing. I just feel like if I do go out with her, since she's my best friend, if it doesn't work out, I'm gonna lose her.

Tonights gonna be interesting... she is playing a joke on her friend that wanted us to go out. Told her that we were going out, along with another one of her friends and somone else. They're totally tricking her, but we're going bowling tonight and we're supposed to act like we're together.

Heh... isn't highschool grand?

[jane]

yup, I disagree too..This girl likes you.. all your gunna do by dating her is lead her on. Let her go.. tell her you want to be friends and leave it at that.


Maybe down the road things will change but I seriously think that all you would be doing is hurting her.
Good Luck!

[IceQueen]

i hope they aren't all like IceQueen!

Yup. You'd die a virgin.

[Illusional]

well i'm going to say that there is nothing wrong with you. there are many people that say looks first and personality second. i'll be honest, if i'm gonna only be with one person for the rest of my life, she better have everything the looks and the personality. it might be hard to get what you want, but then you've got the rest of your life ahead of you to be happy. while you're young figure out what you really want from a gf whether it be the personality, the looks, or both. but keep this in mind however, time changes how people look but personalities tend to remain the same. raverboy

[PandaCivic]

Originally posted by sfalexi


I'm very very picky about the girls that I date. Hence, I don't date a lot.

actually doing this at the moment too. in his case i think he NEEDS to be around more women, casual dating doesn't necessarily mean he has to commit to this girl. practice dating is not really a good thing but he should at least give her a chance to see how much fun they might have together. if he becomes too picky, he'll end up like us. he'll wait for that one girl and then every other girl will be ignored in terms of potential girlfriends. i went out with this girl that i wasn't really attracted to initially but after being with her for almost 5 years, i understood and accepted the fact that attraction grows more and more when you realize beauty is a package and not a physical element. ...and then they screw you over and you start over again!

[Exodus]

Yeah I think you guys are both right, I shouldn't go out with her if I don't like the whole package. Then again I do want to be around more girls and do some dating. It's just hard for me to date people because I don't know that many people, and I'm shy, plus I'm new to dating for the most part. I don't think its that I'm not good looking, or that I'm a jerk or something, because I'm a nice guy. I just have trouble initiating conversations with girls I like, and getting to the point where I could ask them out, and then hell even asking them out is like trying to pull my arm off.

There are a few people that I like, but I don't know how I should go about it. I mean I know what I "should" be doing, but it's like I get stage fright, if you know what I mean. Also, how do you go about finding out if they are already with somone? I've got 4 months left till I leave for college and I wouldn't mind dating someone. This is true though, I would probably be using them as an experience type thing, but it's not like thats why I'd be doing it. I just want to meet somone and have fun while I'm here.

I've done forums before, I know I'm not going to get any of the answers that I want off here. It's always left up to me and thats the problem. Does anyone else think this too? I mean I can't be the only one.

Lol on a side note, tonight when we were bowling, I guess this really hot girl that was bowling on the lane next to us was checking me out when I was bowling. Too bad her boyfriend was right there... lol. I dunno why I can't get somone like that... Well yes I do, it's because I never do anything. I always just sit back and let the world fly by me. Anyways, I guess I'm done being all negative about myself.

[PandaCivic]

just think about it. you gotta help yourself before others can help you. if you are feeling you can't get anyone, you definitely won't. first off get up off your seat and meet people, not with the intention that you want to get with them but just to meet people. it doesn't hurt to say hi. who cares if they have a boyfriend or not. that's not wat you want to do. look at it like this, if you were to have said hi to her and she saw you as a nice guy, she might have had a friend just as pretty or even prettier. be friendly, don't be a woman hunter. the best way to get used to meeting people or breaking out of that shyness is to accept rejection as a way of life and shake it off. the more you get rejected the more you are immune to it. trust me... ha ha.