Hello everyone!
I'm new here and I want to share my story because I can't bear it alone.
I'm in a relationship for two years, we live together, spend together nearly 24 hours a day. It seems to be serious, maybe "forever" relationship but it is not all flawless. We argue often, used to fight even. I know he loves me, even if he says he hates when he is mad, he doesn't want to leave, neither do I. But... For some time, few weeks maybe, I can't think about him the way I used to. And here comes the crush I mentioned in the title.
This guy, let's name him Dan, can't get off my mind since four years, when I meet him in highschool and we were dating for a while. That was the time of my life, meeting him in our favourite cafe. I can't forget his admiration, this moments of youthful desire. The day I've started admiring him, I ruined it all because I was stupid and couldn't decide whether him or my boyfriend (highschool boyfriend - not current one). Hesitating for too long and keeping meeting with my bf destroyed my romance with Dan. He said he couldn't trust me anymore. After all, I regreted it, tried for his heart but no success. We remained friends, sometimes we were meeting in the same cafe we used to. Every time I saw him, I was in heaven, feeling so happy and thrilled. The most magical night in my life was when Dan came to my flat for a sleep after some party. I prepared a couch for him and stayed in my bed but he invited me to the couch. I agreed and... nothing happened. He embraced me gently and we were laying for a while. I noticed he couldn't fall asleep so I moved closer and felt this tension between us, so I tried to kiss him, he nearly responded but then he realized we couldn't do it cause we need to set the boundaries. I accepted that, what else could I do. Even without lovemaking this night was wonderful for me as I dreamed about sleeping with Dan next to me. I felt it all laying next to him: love, passion, intimacy. That was two years ago.
From this time I met him once for a second at our university (we study the same faculty but there's a little chance to meet accidentally) and since then none of us contacts one another. But I still dream about hearing his voice on the phone or meeting him just for a second. When I feel miserable I imagine me and Dan in our 30's, staying in a nice house by the sea, drinking wine, chatting, kissing. This is the most beautiful thought I have. I know he would probably agree to go out for a coffe and talk like we used to but I also know I shouldn't do it because I'm in a relationship.
Have you guys ever had a crush on somebody else while being in a relationship? I don't want to break up and I feel guilty that I couldn't have all this happiness and excitement for my man.