Hello,
first of all, I want to introduce myself: I'm a 33 years old heterosexual man, I'm a shy person, and I have to admit that I never had intimacy with girls. I must clear that I don't feel that thing as something hard to cope with, because I haven't found yet a woman that I was attracted to and that was free or, if free, interested in me. Probably I'm very selective, but not for physical aspect (even though, I have to admit that it has an importance to me), but mainly for character compatibility.
As a result for this "lack of expertise", I have some difficulties opening up and expressing my feelings, both verbally and physically: I hardly do explicit compliments because I think they can be considered insolent, and I don't usually touch people, even if I have a great confidence with them, except the usual hug and kiss on the cheek at the beginning and at the end of a night together, or shaking hands and so...
In the last few months, something happened: I have a female friend that I know since we were school friends.
I know this friend since a very long time, more than 25 years ago. We never saw each other very often, something like once every 6 months. I started seeing back her in this last year more frequently. I also discovered that she left her boyfriend, after 8 years. I have to admit that I always found her very attractive, but the big problem is that I find myself very very well temperamentally with her and as a friend. I don't have many female friends, but she's the one with which I have more affinity. Like me, she's shy and stays much on her own.
After a few months going out together, sometimes with a couple of friends, and sometimes between us two, I confessed to her (I have to admit in a very clumsy way) after an evening together, that I like her. Her reaction was surprised and embarassed, but not horrified... Well, she told me something like "I'm sorry but I consider you a good friend"... Now I don't recall the exact words, my memory was never good, and honestly I was a little bit stunned...
Few days after my "confession", I wrote to her an email in which I told her that I was worried for the embarassing end of the evening, but that I didn't want to keep that weight on me anymore, that it was a period of my life in which I was trying to be more clear about my very own desires (and that's true), and also I told her that I didn't want to give up on our friendship, but that this couldn't depend on me alone.
She answered me telling that I wouldn't have to worry about the embarassement, and that it was caused more by her surprise... and that she wouldn't have to have appeared too rude or too direct in her reply, and that she hoped that it wouldn't be too difficult to me to be her friend, and that if it wouldn't there were no reasons in going on like we always did, but that if her presence was making me feel bad, that she would have understood my need for time.
Well, after that there were summer holydays but we kept in touch (brief contacts, but we're both made that way...) we went out together another 3-4 times together, always us two alone. It was always me asking her out and, even if sometimes there was supposed to be a female friend of us with us, it was always the two of us. I asked her out using as a pretext my need of suggestions about small sentimental issues I was having, and she was always helpful. One of these evenings, it was raining a bit, and she put her arm under mine, to stay under the umbrella. I know her quite well, and I know that this is something very unusual of her... but I understand that this could very well me just daydreaming...
Now, my problem is that I don't know if my gut feelings are right, but I am not very sure that she's totally not interested in me, and I would like some suggestions about how to "test the waters"...
For example, should I touch her "innocently" more, like on the shoulders and so when we're out together? But that's something unusual for me, could she feel it as a forced behaviour by me?
Or any other suggestions?
Please feel free to tell me anyhting that you think that can be useful.
Thanks.