time out or breakup

[gerr71]

Hi All...Well i'm currently giving my girlfriend a bit of space..
She requested the timeout to think about things,but it's driving me nuts not hearing from her..I love her so much it hurts,and worse still i never told her i love her..I get the feeling she wants to split?

Should i tell her i love her before its completely over?

[boobaa]

Yes, tell her. You have to remind her of you, but not too much.

[Lipp]

[bloodtippedrose]

You never told her? so you havent been together that long? And if yes then youre already taking a break? whatever the case tell her that you do love her. If shes not feeling it then move on. If she considers it then milk it and you might get a shot at a lasting relationship. Dont smother her though after you tell her.

[Yggdrasil]

Eh.. how can she be your g/f if you never told her your feelings for her.

What is she? A mindreader?

[gerr71]

I have expressed my feelings..Just i never said the words,I love you..Guessed she knew herself anyway...She hasn't contacted me in a week now...Should i contact her?

[gerr71]

yes only together 4 months

[Yggdrasil]

I usually recommend waiting 3 weeks before contacting. I know it's tuff but if you're going to contact her it may be considered clingy, immature, a breach of her privacy, etc etc.

You have to try to look at it from her viewpoint: if you would want or need time alone, and someone would not respect that, how would that make you feel?

Usually contacting someone who needs space, pushes them further away. Again, not contacting them can make them get really upset, because they may expect you to contact them. However, that anger is not your problem.

It takes two to fight. So if you leave her be, the only one who is to blame for her feelings is she herself. You are not contributing to the way she feels if you leave her be.

After 3 weeks it may be a good idea to drop a little line. Something among the lines of: how are you? Is everything ok? and leave it with that.

Hope that makes sense.

[gerr71]

I contacted her by text after 3 days ,and asked if she wanted to see me again?
She said it would be best that we left it...then after a few more texts of saying i'd changed my ideas and still wanting the relationship to work,she said she needed to think for a while....Does this mean were over? Or is it genuine thinking time?

[Raze]

I have expressed my feelings..Just i never said the words,I love you..Guessed she knew herself anyway...She hasn't contacted me in a week now...Should i contact her?

Nope, no one is a mindreader. I don't know, this one is kinda fishy. I hope others can give you some good advice. By the way, one of you should have said I love you already. If anything, I think that's what went wrong.

[carl1222]

Nope, no one is a mindreader. I don't know, this one is kinda fishy. I hope others can give you some good advice. By the way, one of you should have said I love you already. If anything, I think that's what went wrong.

Unfortunately, Raze is probably right. It amuses me that people expect the love word at such an early stage ... true love (as opposed to infatuation) takes a LOT longer than 4 months to develop. But "I love you" has become a code phrase for "I want to commit to an exclusive relationship with long-term potential."

I once asked a female friend how her new 3 week relationship was going, she responded (in all seriousness) "I don't know, he hasn't said 'I love you' yet." I burst out laughing, but it appears to be the way of the world!

Carl

[bloodtippedrose]

she said she needed to think for a while....Does this mean were over? Or is it genuine thinking time?

we dont know whats going on in her head man. She might really want time to decide if she wants a relationship or maybe she was letting you down gently or possibly someone else came into the picture?

[Tunstall]

This happened to me early last March. We had been together for only two months. She said she needed time to think since she felt the relationship was progressing too fast. I was confused, hurt, and deeply missed her. In the beginning, she occasionally texted and emailed me. The conversations through these means of contact only resulted in hurtful replies on her part. I would let her contact me first, and I always replied. During the third week, there was no contact, and I thought I had lost her for good. At the end of the third week (Friday night) she texted me and asked if I would come and hang out with her. We talked for hours that night and the next morning. We decided to proceed on together with the relationship. The worst three weeks of my life!

Taking a break sucks big time and usually marks the beginning of the end. However, if you decide to stick it out with her follow the following rules: Leave her alone - I was accused a few times of pushing her back, and that turned her off. The second, try to move on just in case she does not come back. This is a tough one, but by the end of the third week, I was fed up and was emotionaly ready to move on without her. Just my 2 cents worth based on my own experience. Yes, it really does suck.