ok i feel pretty weird and embarrassed for admitting it but i must..so i want sex toys.
im a bisexual guy and none of my friends(except 1 girl who is lesbian) or family know this. i feel pretty bad keeping it a secret...i know because i "tested" them to see if they really like gay people or anything, my best friend said "i hate gay people" and all this crap that i was offended by...
hah, if you met me in person you would never guess i was bi sexual/gay or anything. i dont talk like a "gay guy" and i dont have any feminine traits.
my mom says i better not turn gay or anything and whenever i watch something about gay people on tv she sighs in disgust and all this. and she says techno is for gay people(not knowing im bisexual) and although its not and its for everyone im still offended. its bullshit!
she says she would kick me out the house for something like that..im only 16 and i got the whole world ahead of me. that would completely **** up my life. my dad lives in a different state and parents are divorced(we live in the us) florida i should say. which is about 3000 miles away.
so what? im attracted to guys and girls just about the same...im attracted to girls a little more than guys though...i did tell one of my ex's in the past out of guilt..and she told me she wouldnt tell anyone. but she told my brother and all my friends when we broke up! luckily she is known for lying so i said she is probably just mad cause i broke up with her. they believed me too..that really saved my ass!
my last girlfriend..i want to tell her but i dont want the same thing to happen. im afraid she wouldnt accept me for me... you guys have no idea what we go through...IT SUCKS!!!!!!!! and also if she told everyone, they would believe her because we just moved here and they know her better than me and she is a trustworthy person! and word spreads fast in a small town(mine is population:1000)
2 words could change how everyone feels about you...all your friends would hate you and you are damned to hell by your very own god. its kindof like looking into a crystal ball and accepting your own death.
the other thing is though, ive never actually done anything with a guy...im just attracted to them. and i fantasize about them too. and i look at the gay porn sometimes....
its strange because after i get an orgasm from masturbating i lose interest in all that..and i lose interest in like anything sexual and like my mind turns completely against all that stuff(sometimes i delete ALL my porn and then wish i didnt)...but 5 minutes later im back to the same old me..anyone else get the same feelings??? i guess that is what you would call "being horny"?
well back to why i posted this..i always go to sex toy stores online and look at sex toys...i want them badly...lots of them lol...but im only 16..and to buy them you need to be 18...GRR i wish i could get atleast 1..i feel like i cant wait 2 years....and it'll prolly be longer than that cause if i buy one off the internet my mom might open it and find out what it is...and there isnt sex toy stores anywhere around...
when i was visiting my old hometown one of my friends who is 16 bought herself a sex toy(this is the lesbian one i mentioned up there/\) at the spencers store in the mall. i shoulda bought one too..but i woulda been sooo embarrassed!!
god it sucks.....
im in pain...emotionally..