should I marry him

[Sniff84]

Hello!

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 5 years. I'm 25 and he's 32. He's a nice, considerate and kind man. But we have very few common interests and different types of sense of humor. I love travelling, reading, listening to music while he only enjoys watching tv, cooking and cuddling on the couch. Also, I don't enjoy having sex with him. I like relatively dirty stuff but he's too shy.

We love each other very much, that's why we've been together for so long. I feel like he's going to propose real soon and need your advice. Should I break up before he proposes, or should I marry him? Is love enough to get married? There's no spark, no common interests, no good sex. But he's the nicest guy on the world. Help please!

[Gigabitch]

Don't marry someone with no spark.

[Sniff84]

But the sparks would fizzle out after a few years of marriage, or am I wrong?

[BarmyArmy]

Sit down and talk about it,

[Gigabitch]

Wrong. It doesn't have to be like that. Even if it's not honeymoon-type spark, you shouldn't marry someone you don't like having sex with even at the beginning (unless you're really not into sex, but if that were the case, you wouldn't have mentioned it).

What you're describing is an old fashioned, 50's style, passionless marriage. This made sense when women didn't work and needed a man to take care of them so they couldn't be fussy about things like spark.

Maybe you're an old fashioned girl. Maybe you'd be happy with the nicest guy in the world, but I think you'd eventually want someone to give you a good, hard, dirty roll in the hay and you'd end up cheating on the nicest guy in the world. Don't do that.

[girl68]

The fact that you're asking annoynomous people if you should marry a guy you don't really like all that much speaks volumes.

So no, don't marry him. Do him a favor and break up with him asap.

[Sniff84]

Thanks for the answers. But how do I break up without breaking his heart? It'd be too harsh to tell him the truth. I can't say 'there's no spark and I don't like having sex with you'..

[skn1f123]

That's a hard one, on one hand you don't want to tell him that but on the other you don't want to lie. But what else are you going to tell him, you say everything else is great. Maybe just say that you don't feel that you guys are compatible in certain things but then after a 5 year relationship you may not get away with telling half truths.....he may want the whole truth.......

[Gigabitch]

Well, you've been with him since you were 20. Tell him you want to be single for a while and experience life without a boyfriend. Do you have any ambitions that might take you away? Ever wanted to live somewhere else? Study somewhere else?

[girl68]

Thanks for the answers. But how do I break up without breaking his heart? It'd be too harsh to tell him the truth. I can't say 'there's no spark and I don't like having sex with you'..

You don't say it like that.

And FYI you will under any circumstances break his heart. Get prepared.

You tell him that the difference in interested has magnified to the point it cannot be overlooked. That you're sexually imcompatible.

[Petit Papillon]

It's a bit odd to me that you went so quick from asking 'Should I marry him' to 'What to say when I break up with him'... I understand that there are differences between you, but nothing really BAD happened and I just wonder why you don't even want to try to change some things...You blow off 5 years long relationship 'just because' ... Especially because You said 'we love each other much' ... When you love somebody truely , You don't let things just go... It seems to me, like you don't love him at all and just look for excuse...

[Gigabitch]

The way I see it, she loves him like a BFF. That's not a husband.

[Petit Papillon]

I think the problems they have are small enough to be worked out, if there is enough willing in both of them. Especially because she just wants him to move out more with her,travel a bit, be a bit more dirty in bed. Those things are possible to change. But the problem is, she doesn't even want to change it.

[Sniff84]

she doesn't even want to change it.

Yes I think you're right. But that's not because I don't love him. That's because there's no spark. And this is scaring me. Giga, yes I love him like a BFF. Sorry if I wasn't clear in my first post. I meant I love him in a friendly way when I said there were no sparks.

[Petit Papillon]

Well then just finish it... He will be hurt but he'll get over it someday. I think you should say that the differences between You just made the spark go away. And that's not his fault. Don't know what else could You tell him...