I need help

[Unae]

First I just wanted to say that from what I’ve seen from these forums so far this is a great community and I know that I can get some help here, so here we go. I’m not one who likes to talk about their feelings very often; I have more of a jock mentality that keeps on telling me to bottle it up and deal with it myself. But, I don’t think I can deal with this one anymore so I would really like some advice. I know this has most likely been posted a lot because hey, let’s face it, it is a very common thing.

So I am in my last year of high school and so far it’s been great, I have great friends and I’m doing well in school. This however is not my problem; you see there is a girl (I know big surprise) she is in my home-room and has been in a lot of my classes for these three years. We are good friends and I can talk to her easily and vice-versa. Lately, we have both been getting really flirtatious with one another and much closer as well. Now I am in a very cliché position where I’m not sure if she is really interested or just being friendly, and if I do make a move I don’t want it to compromise our friendship. I just don’t know what I should do.

I really like her; I’ll go as far as to say that I love her; to me she’s not something that I want to have but something that I would be blessed to receive. The sun rise competes with her smile everyday and every day the sun loses. I find myself thinking about her when I go to sleep and realize that I am really falling deep into this. More than anything, I want her to be happy; if that isn’t with me it wouldn’t matter because seeing her happy is worth more than an entire lifetime of my own.

This has really helped me get my feelings out and to know that someone is listening and not judging but understanding me really helps me. Thanks.

[damn2010]

Two things.

I'm a believer of "not spilling out your feelings" because it puts too much on the line, throws away the whole "challenge/intrigue" part of a relationship, and often puts the other person in a bad spot. I think perhaps you should ask her to hang out outside of school. Perhaps go on some "dates" and continue the flirting and fun there but kick it up slowly depending on how she is reacting. You could then discover she perhaps has a mutual attraction for you.

Number two. You're both in your last year of high school and will probably both off to college. Is it really worth starting something already? College is a whole other experience and considering you're a jock, you'll probably join a fraternity. A relationship in college really can spoil some of the initial fun and freedom. And trust me, your freshman year in college (depending where you go)will be one of the most liberating and exciting moments in your life. I was in a long term relationship during my last year and a half in college and I wish I wasn't because I didn't fully enjoy all the fun with my fraternity bros. None the less, I don't regret the experiences that relationship had.

I just say you ask her to hang out and have some fun outside of school. SOMETHING might develop! Just be conscious of what comes in the future!!!

[SelflessnHumble]

First I just wanted to say that from what I’ve seen from these forums so far this is a great community and I know that I can get some help here, so here we go. I’m not one who likes to talk about their feelings very often; I have more of a jock mentality that keeps on telling me to bottle it up and deal with it myself. But, I don’t think I can deal with this one anymore so I would really like some advice. I know this has most likely been posted a lot because hey, let’s face it, it is a very common thing.

Before we get into why you really posted here you should be aware that bottling things up "inside"
(aka internalizing) is very very poor behavior and well, not only do YOU suffer but you also allow your
mate to suffer as well (collateral damage)

You read into stereotypes too much dude.
I was a Jock, a Nerd, a Player, a Badass and everything in between!
One type of activity doesn't mean you are a certain label and besides...
When I was a jock I was still as open and communicative as I am now (stereotype debunked)

Learn to get in touch with your emotions and learn to control them via discipline.

I don’t want it to compromise our friendship. I just don’t know what I should do.

I really like her; I’ll go as far as to say that I love her; to me she’s not something that I want to have but something that I would be blessed to receive. The sun rise competes with her smile everyday and every day the sun loses. I find myself thinking about her when I go to sleep and realize that I am really falling deep into this. More than anything, I want her to be happy; if that isn’t with me it wouldn’t matter because seeing her happy is worth more than an entire lifetime of my own.

This has really helped me get my feelings out and to know that someone is listening and not judging but understanding me really helps me. Thanks.

If you truly didn't want to compromise your friendship you would have had your feelings for her in check.

Anyway what you have to do is to tell her how you feel, or to release it and see what happens.
Use your poetic talents to write to her and tell her how you feel.

If this is true that you really want her to be happy
then tell her how you feel.
If she tells you you're just friends:

(1) You now know how she feels about you...and
(2) Your friendship will remain intact unless you get weirded out by the rejection.

So you have to prepare yourself for the truth and realize rejection is natural.

[Unae]

I see where both of you are coming from and I can see that the commone thing between you is to well, ask her out. For me this is a very hard thing to do because despite how "cool" I try to play it something like this takes alot of courage. I think I'm going to do it; slowly but surely I'll ease into it and let it happen naturally. I really appretiate the advice, I knew that I would have to take a risk but I don' know, I think I had to hear it from someone else to really follow up on it. Also, SelflessnHumble I agree, I believe my own stereotype to much and I feel that it is what may be holding me back in this situation, I'll open the door to my heart little by little and welcome anyone who wishes to step through.

[SelflessnHumble]

I see where both of you are coming from and I can see that the commone thing between you is to well, ask her out. For me this is a very hard thing to do because despite how "cool" I try to play it something like this takes alot of courage. I think I'm going to do it; slowly but surely I'll ease into it and let it happen naturally. I really appretiate the advice, I knew that I would have to take a risk but I don' know, I think I had to hear it from someone else to really follow up on it. Also, SelflessnHumble I agree, I believe my own stereotype to much and I feel that it is what may be holding me back in this situation, I'll open the door to my heart little by little and welcome anyone who wishes to step through.

Cool. No one said open the door wide open and invite her right into your "heart' as you put it.
Just let her take a peak through a window and IF she likes what she sees she will let you know how she feels...
If not, don't sweat it. Everyone has emotions bro. It's in our psyche to. Holding them in is unhealthy for you
and for her, it gets even worse when you're with someone and THEY can sense that you "won't let them in" -it can strain relationships.

If I were you here's what I would do:
Practice on people or even people you bullied or were not nice to. (Stereotype here) lol
Be approachable and say, "hey _________ (their name) I just wanted to tell you how truly sorry I am for putting you down.
It came from a very negative place and I just want you to know it wasn't personal. Anyway, I've gotta go but have good productive day... and smile and leave.

Not only does it feel good but you told him/her why you did what you did and soon it becomes addicting.

Who knows. You might even have things bottled up inside of yourself from your childhood.
The best part is: It is never too late to resolve these issue if you have them! Simply sit down with the people
(mom or dad or both) and tell them in a way that doesn't sound harmful or accusatory how it made you feel when_______)

This kind of dialogue is very healthy and even if you don't get the answers you were looking for: it isn't the point.
Closure is the goal and you can get this with every thing you've hidden from view due to your internalizing them.

Truth be told my father never was shown love via affirmation.
How was he to know how to show this to the future people in his life without experiencing it?

First he needed to be told, then he needed to be shown. Last he needed to be involved and bam: he got it.
This can only happen if HE accepts it. Acceptance (taking responsibility/being held accountable) is key.
Without realizing this one can never change when they feel they don't "need" to change!"

Good luck with the girl.
Be your usual confident self but try to inject some humor. Be approachable and inviting.

[Unae]

Lol I've never bullied anyone before, I usually am open about most of my feelings and I can be quite assertive but when my love life is concerned that is when I create walls around my heart. I feel as though if I don't let people know how I feel than I can always hold on to it and they can never take it away from me (if that makes any sense). I really do appretiate you helping me open up like this, because this in itself is going further than I ever thought I would go to express my feelings about her openly.

[SelflessnHumble]

Lol I've never bullied anyone before, I usually am open about most of my feelings and I can be quite assertive but when my love life is concerned that is when I create walls around my heart. I feel as though if I don't let people know how I feel than I can always hold on to it and they can never take it away from me (if that makes any sense). I really do appretiate you helping me open up like this, because this in itself is going further than I ever thought I would go to express my feelings about her openly.

You're welcome!
Showing your feelings to someone doesn't mean they can taken from you.
Giving them to someone: is a different story because your mind creates an attachment...
Some bonds are harder to break than others but the important thing to remember is that you CAN
change your perception based on what you bargain yourself to put up with.

[Unae]

So, I have decided that this thursday will be the day that I will make my move, it's the day we come back from holidays and I hope she missed me as much as I missed her. I for sure will not force the situation, I've been reading some of the tips on the forum and I believe that it will help. The days leading up to it I know, will be very nerve racking and I hope I don't talk myself out of it; I would just like to say thanks to the entire forum for helping me becasue I know I couldn't have found the courage to do it myself.

[stormtroopa]

Hey wow. I just posted this on another thread, and I think it applies here too.
I'm not sure if you're okay with being 'just friends', but a lot of people aren't. If it's breaking your heart to be with her knowing that she doesn't feel the same for you, this might help. Depending on how things go on thrusday, of course.

"Being friends/ lovers never works out in my experience. When my last GF broke up with me, we both agreed to stay friends because we still liked each other. But it's messed up. I was still in love with her and she knew it. All that we accomplished by staying in contact was to draw it out and cause us both more pain.
Bottom line: If neither one of you loves the other, be friends. If you BOTH love each other, go out. Other than that, please trust me, you just need to get away. All you're doing is hurting yourself and it will never end.

That said, it's not really hopeless. Sometimes a girl will literally fall in love with you just because you are so into her. As mentioned, they love attention.
You know each other well, I'd say it's time to test it. Just go all out, tell her exactly how you feel, ask her out, try to kiss her, whatever. Just make it clear that THAT'S what you want, not to be friends. If she does have feelings for you, she'll go along with it, happily ever after. If not...
I'm sorry, I know how it feels to lose a close friend, but you just need to get the hell out of this. It WILL be better in the long run. "