Should I call her next week?

[theoburray]

Since It looks like I won't get that girl from work, theres one other girl who I liked a lot who I might have a chance with.

I posted this back in December on another forum

'I went out to a local nightclub on Thursday Night and I'd say at my best I'm a 7.5/10 except on this night my hair was a mess so I was around a 6. I was hanging out with my mate a lot and he was friends with this girl who came, I talked to her a little in the beer garden but not a lot and she is imo a 9 or 10 hands down. Anyway I have my phone and I'm doing something and she takes it off me to put her number in and she cheerful says 'Call me sometime' and has a cute laugh afterwards and calls the number straight away on my phone so she has my number which buzzes through on her phone which I see. I was getting to a drunk stage (having a good time, not falling over and making an ass of myself) and she was pretty sober btw. This morning at around 11am I get an incoming call from her yet when I answer she hung up, that is like the stereotypical male tactic when they are nervous to talk to a woman but I'm not sure what it means. I texted back saying 'Thanks for the call, lol' just to be causal but I didn't get a reply.'

Right from the bat. Forget the rating of her, that's not important but this girl is very good looking too. The night I met her she added me on facebook at 4am, and even I know now that if I could go back in time when she called me I would have CALLED HER BACK! But this was when I was pretty much a noob, didn't even have the experience of talking to a girl like that really, only talking to a girl as friends pretty much. I tried calling her a couple of times but it kept going to voicemail so I gave up.

So it was around 4 months ago but a couple of weeks ago I texted her 'Are you going to this club tonight?' and she replied 'No not tonight, who are you going with?' Now I didn't want to seem random for texting her after all this time without anything so I told her I accidentally texted the wrong person but said how are you etc. MISTAKE #2, I regretted doing that 2 seconds after I sent it! **** I'm an idiot at times, if she was replying to me, why would I say that She didn't reply back.

Now I don't think that ****s me up though because she won't think much of it hopefully. But if I call her and I do show I want to talk to her and we have a good conversation maybe it'll work in my favour. But her phone almost always goes to voicemail but at least I know it's still with her since she texted me back. I think she works in a cafe nearby but I don't want to be a creep or anything but I reckon I'd do well if I saw her again in person before I tried to do anything but I doubt that will happen. I haven't seen her ONCE since that night and I think I live close to her as well.

I'm thinking of calling her next week, she's still single but also so the texting thing is pretty much forgotten, I look a lot different imo from back then. My hair is better, I'm fitter, gained muscle, look stronger and look healthier so hopefully that confidence can translate into this. I remember being dissapointed I couldn't get in contact with her at all, also tried talking on fb chat once I believe but fb chat is very unreliable. Think I should call her next week?

I admit I made two huge rookie mistakes both in december and now but hopefully I haven't messed up this one as well because with two girls down and no success I honestly have no one left at this time to pursue and my mind is focused on getting one of these two girls (the other girl being the one from work in the other thread but since she kept making excuses, my mind has gone off her and I don't really care about her anymore (truthfully, even I'm surprised)).

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You've set yourself up for failure. The girl doesn't give a damn about your hair, unless it's some ridiculous hairstyle/color that you did intentionally. You've got a scared, timid mentality and your lack of confidence is apparent. Increase your confidence, increase your chances. Sounds like you've already lost this one, but may as well give it a shot.

[theoburray]

I'm not saying she does but I'm saying I do and it is contributing to my personal confidence. I am getting the confidence from looking physically better and feeling it, it's all about using that to try and show to girls. I haven't dated a girl before, no relationships so it's all new to me pretty much but I think I'm slowly getting better although I keep making silly mistakes. I know myself, once I'm with a girl on a date and it's time to talk I'll be pretty good. The whole getting to that point is the problem for me, I suck at that.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Sounds like you're on the right track. Practice some on girls you really don't care about and won't see again, like the mall or some random place. You need to realize that getting a "no" is not the worst thing in the world and that does wonders for confidence because you don't care whether she says yes or not. Sounds counterintuitive, but getting rejected helps if you have the right mindset about it. You should make some attempts to get intentionally rejected by some girls; go into it with the mindset of "she's gonna reject the silly ass shit I'm about to say, watch this..", even bring some friends to watch. After 5 or 6, you may even surprise yourself and get a yes.

[devonbrown]

Confidence, confidence, confidence. The three things that are most important in beginning any attempt to meet someone. And I agree with BackUp... getting rejected is not the worst thing in the world. In fact, think of it this way... in baseball, you are pretty good if you get a hit 3 times out of 10 at-bats. But you could be facing 10 different pitchers with those at-bats. That is pretty tough to match up with any of those pitchers. But if you practice your swing and you have confidence in your ability, that is what will help you get a hit. With girls, it is the same thing. Except, you only need one hit to do well.

Good luck.

[theoburray]

True, I know confidence is vital. I'm actually a lot more confident when I've been drinking, probably why I got the number in the first place I don't know but like I said my confidence in talking to girls is improving overall it's just getting to the date and all the stuff that goes with that is what lets me down.

Overall I should probably talk to girls like I want to pursue a date more often but even though I want a relationship I'm not DESPERATE for one. Ideally I'd like to be in one this year but I'm not going to be in one just for the sake of it, it's why I want to know this girl more, infact try to see if there was any attraction to me on the onset and see what I am doing right when I'm with girls (Because that night really all I was doing was talking with my mate in the outdoor area and she was sitting next to him).

[Bonfire]

So it was around 4 months ago but a couple of weeks ago I texted her 'Are you going to this club tonight?' and she replied 'No not tonight, who are you going with?' Now I didn't want to seem random for texting her after all this time without anything so I told her I accidentally texted the wrong person but said how are you etc. MISTAKE #2, I regretted doing that 2 seconds after I sent it! **** I'm an idiot at times, if she was replying to me, why would I say that She didn't reply back.

This is exactly what I mean. You are so cautious about every little move you make that you end up making bigger mistakes. You have to stop over thinking things and start allowing yourself to freely make decisions. Your lack of insecurity has cause you to become so indecisive. Stop all that nonsense and just follow your heart. If you want to call her then do it, if you want to txt her then do it, if you want to ask her out, then do it. Girls prefer a guy who are sure of themselves than a guy who is unsure of himself. This will be my last time trying to get this point across. I hope you will see the light and just be yourself, take charge and be sincere in your actions, instead of trying so hard to protect your self-image.

[devonbrown]

Agree with Bonfire completely. Relax and act. Stop thinking and just do. Be who you are, not the person you "think" she would like.

[theoburray]

This is exactly what I mean. You are so cautious about every little move you make that you end up making bigger mistakes. You have to stop over thinking things and start allowing yourself to freely make decisions. Your lack of insecurity has cause you to become so indecisive. Stop all that nonsense and just follow your heart. If you want to call her then do it, if you want to txt her then do it, if you want to ask her out, then do it. Girls prefer a guy who are sure of themselves than a guy who is unsure of himself. This will be my last time trying to get this point across. I hope you will see the light and just be yourself, take charge and be sincere in your actions, instead of trying so hard to protect your self-image.

I agree there but it's all the non verbal stuff with me, I believe verbally and when I'm talking my confidence is there and I don't have any insecurities. It's just everything else, the waiting, the getting the guts to call etc. I know I overthink a lot but with the last girl, the main thing that made me overanalyse was the fact I worked with her so if i ****ed it up to a point where it became awkward, I'd have to still see her all the time.

But once I call this girl and if I get through, I'll stop overthinking mostly because if it does not work out, I never have to see her again

I think I'm starting to slowly throw away this insecurity though. It all comes back to how I physically look, I used to be overweight so that stopped me from even attempting to ask girls out. Now I look better and feel better so it's about translating it into something.

Btw I'm not going to post in here again too unless it relates to actually having done something about it, thanks for the help