how do i help her with her fears?

[jim83]

Hello, I recently started seeing a girl who is much younger than myself, she is 18 and I am 25. She is a smart girl and quite mature and responsible, we get along great and have lots of similar interests and a strong attraction. Soon into it she got into a big fight with her mom, who she lives with, and told me she might have to move out of town and I got her to come over and we talked and she decided to stay. Things were going really good and then out of nowhere, about a month in, she said that she wasn`t feeling right and she`s sorry. We talked that night and two days later she said she missed me and wanted to try. 10 days later she had another fight with her mom before she came over to my house as planned that night, and told me she was probably moving out of town for a while. We talked and she spent the night and the next day she decided to stay providing she got a job that she`s waiting on. But after that she was kind of lost on me it seemed and I asked her and she said she was having doubts again and didn`t really want to talk to me about it. She agreed to see me and I let her know that I wasn`t trying to force anything but not to count me out and we talked about her problems. Now, about another 10 days later, she misses me but says she doesn`t want to see me to talk but I know it`s because she still has feelings for me and she is trying to forget about me. She is from a divorced family and doesn`t get along with her stepdad, she and her mom love each other but often they get into big fights and she feels like her mom chooses her stepdad over her. I know she always over-analyzes things, especially in our relationship. She`s never had a guy treat her quite as good as I do, I am a genuinely caring person and I would do anything for her and she knows that.

I know it has a lot to do with her past, she stresses very easily and over-analyzes things. I think she has a subconscious fear caused by her parents divorce and the feelings that her step dad is more important to her mom then she is. It would be very hard to get her to agree that she has fears of getting too close or abandonment, but I know she has feelings for me and she’s trying to deny them. I understand that she can’t deny her feelings of doubt either but she keeps bailing on me so quickly and I think we can have another chance if I can find a way to help her understand where her feelings are coming from, she admits she doesn’t know where they are coming from she just says the “spark” isn’t there anymore. But with all the stuff that went on and the anxiety and over-analyzation how is she supposed to feel the “spark.” I don’t think we were together long enough for her to develop the emotional trust that she needs. I want her back but most of all I want to help her understand her fears regardless of whether or not we can get back together.

[FullofSighs]

I went through and still am going through crap with my parents like that. I do love my parents, but i find it hard to be with them and just want to get away. She pretty much just has to learn on her own to cope with it and get away from it without having to move out of town.

And to me, i don't think that her parents are the major cause of why she wants to move. It may be because you are 7 years older than her, and she just came out of high school. That kinda age difference can scare her away. Try asking her if the age difference is pushing her away, ive had friends that ended up in a situation quite like yours, and in the end the other person found out it was cause of age difference.